Nothing special

At each of my placements, whether during assessment or training, there have been people who have told me the congregation I will serve will be blessed (or something like that) to have me. It's a huge complement, but I wonder if they say that to everyone (maybe even thinking "thank goodness we've got rid of her"!!!). But the people who said that to me on Sunday I know wouldn't just say so for the sake of it.

From those that mattered (which isn't necessarily anyone 'important' in a congregation), there was a definite disappointment they might not see me again. (Really, I'm not that special, honestly - sorry, mustn't get big headed). I'm sure I'll bump into them in the course of things and that how I'm getting on will filter back, but I have been aware I need to not get too attached, due to the short time I've had in each placement.

Maybe I do have a particular gift for engaging with people of almost any age and background. Perhaps it comes so naturally I don't know I am doing it. But, if we as Christians, and ministers as Christian leaders, are to emulate the life of Jesus, surely that's exactly what we should be doing? He had the ability to relate to those of all ages, backgrounds and status. So, perhaps that's why I don't see it as special, as I follow the example of Jesus himself.

Not a Burlesque show

Despite my initial concerns about my first sermon I had written for yesterday's service, when I went back to them both I was reasonably happy with the orginal's general content. It did get modified before printing (and as I preached), but nothing major was changed.

I have noticed, though still having a full script, I am using it less and less. I've always known what I am going to say reasonably well, so I've not read it out, but I've been aware I have looked for what the paragraph says during a brief pause. Yesterday I noticed that the script was more there as a prompt - so I knew where I was going, what I wanted to pick up on and, if my mind did go blank, I had something there to work from. I have also noticed I am much more comfortable adding appropriate content or dropping things if I notice they are not as relevant as I thought they were or I need to move on.


It was strange preaching for the last time at Caledonia Kirk, especially on my last Sunday there (better to go out with a bang than a whimper, I suppose!). I'd love to say I'll miss it, but that would be a lie. It was a very good learning experience, though. And there are many people there who I know will be interested to learn where I go and will remember me in their prayers.

Following my sermon, the worship leader (yes, that's what they call the praise band leader) told the congregation what he thought I said. I have noticed that happens most of the time and it bugs my happiness. I think it can give the impression that what they say is what the congregation should take away from the sermon. I disagree, as there are many ways the message can be taken - I know people have said they have taken one thing from a sermon and I've thought "did I say that," but I wouldn't contradict them.

After the service, there were a few good comments. Some were about being challenged or thinking in new ways. One person, coming down the stairs, said he'd had to switch his hearing aid off, but I couldn't work out if that was he didn't like it or I don't really need the mic! There were a few people who seemed to be almost waxing lyrical about it, so much so a member of the congregation who was elsewhere yesterday emailed me, saying they'd heard it was "tremendous." That was very humbling as they used to preach.

In my sermon, I talked about some of the work the congregation does. I know that doesn't often get acknowledged within the church. One member of that group said that they sometimes wonder why they bother, but I had reassured them. If it was just for them I was called to preach that message yesterday, then great. God knows they work they do and their commitment to the people they reach out to.

So, a bit of a break before I head off for my work experience at Railway Crossing linked with First Stop. I'm going to take the opportunity to chum spot on May's edition of "50 acts of worship." Be nice to worship together for a change.

Don't ask me at the last minute

If you want me to do something which is a regular feature of worship (prayer), don't email at 18:38 on the Saturday night. I probably won't be checking my mail at that time and, even if I were, it's my day off, so I definitely won't be dealing with church emails.

Now, so I don't sound completely unreasonable, if I knew the person who was to do the prayers had taken ill or had a family emergency, I would step in. But, if you haven't bothered to draw up the worship rota for the second quarter of the year yet, that's a different matter. Have you noticed it's mid-April and today will be the second Sunday of the quarter that you have had to get people to lead parts of worship at the last minute. Save yourself a lot of hassle and get those on the rota on your side - issue them in good time.

Would you expect those who were to preach to pull something out of the bag at such short notice? Or do you not see preparation of prayers as an important part of the act of worship? Or, even worse, do you not see prayer as really that important to the act of worship? Well, whatever the reason, I like to prepare. Prayer can speak to people in ways the rest of the service cannot and I like to craft prayers in terms which can include everyone's fears, doubts, concerns, hopes and joys, without being so specific that sections of the congregation feel their prayers have not been offered. Preparation of prayer, IMHO, should be as important as any other part of the act of worship.

So, now I have the dilemma. Do I lead the prayers and feel they aren't up to my high standards, because of the lack of time? Or do I say no and have (yet again) nothing to do in the act of worship and land someone else in it? Mmmmhhh...I might have an idea.

Always point to God

In the last few weeks I have been reflecting on Matthew 6:1-6, as it keeps cropping up in various places; both the specific passage and general conversations.

I was brought up not to brag about stuff or my abilities. I'd love to say it's the good Calvinist in me, but perhaps it's just being Scottish. In many places I have cringed when people have sought to praise what I have achieved (more ungraciously, I tend to cringe when others are overtly praised too). It's part of my psyche to, not so much high my talents under a bushel, but more let people find out for themselves, rather than hear me 'brag' about them. I suppose that made the initial idea of a journal back at extended enquiry quite daunting as I had to be honest about my successes as well as my failures.

Okay, that's a bit off topic from the Matthew reading, but I feel that it's all part of the spirit of the passage - that God looks into our hearts. Through looking into our hearts he sees why I do what I do. Am I doing it through being seen to be doing something (not my style), as part of my calling (I am aware just being there can be difficult for me, but it's not about me - it's about taking God's presence into situations, to people and to places) or some other reason? I pray in all I do which I choose to do I am doing quietly, humbly and worshipfully. If not, I am showing off and God will see right through it.

Which does create a tension. Firstly, I need to tell others what I can do. At some point I will look for a probation placement and the church I will go to will want to know that, as will the church I am eventually called to minister to. Surely that's all pointing to me, rather than God? Or am I just over analysing this? I suspect I am. Again, it's all about intent, I believe.

Then, there's churches which do great work all over Scotland (at the moment I am specifically thinking of The Kirk). They go about it in their communities and congregations, with few if any beyond that area appreciating what they do. Should they tell others or keep it to themselves? Again, I think that's all about intent. If it gives ideas and/or encouragement to other congregations, great. If it helps obtain funding from external bodies to further their work, again, great. If it shows off what a church, as they see themselves as 'better' than their neighbours, I get twitchy.  But that's judgemental and that's not a good thing for me to do.

So, now I am trying to figure out a way where I can hold all this in tension, both with my own self and where I will serve. At the end of the day, everything I and the church I will serve does should point to God. If it doesn't I might as well quit when I am ahead!

He is risen in Breid

This morning I led the early Easter morning service for Caledonia Kirk. This is held at a nearby beach and bread, fish and wine (aka grape juice) is shared. This reflects Jesus' appearance to the disciples in John 21:1-14. In the past this has been a communion, but it couldn't be today, as it was me leading. We did share bread, wine and fish as a gathering. I suspect (especially given the comments made as the bread etc was passed) most felt this was communion.

So I wrote a liturgy for this sharing, which follows. I also baked the bread. If you know me and have read my thoughts on communion bread before, you will know I have a thing about it being decent bread. As today was as close as to communion I can currently do (I think the technical term is an agape meal), and I have always said when I do eventually administer sacraments, the bread will be decent.

It was just a 50:50 white and wholemeal bread flour mix. Nothing exceptional about the bread dough itself, but Spot and I decided to put a bit of symbolism into the bread, by baking a cross into it. The photos follow. (The balls actually make it easier to break!).

Over all, I feel the service went well. There were responses and I invited people to use them as they felt most comfortable with - this allows those who don't want to say the words out loud to not feel they have to). It more or less flowed, though 2 cups for the wine would have been handy (I had taken one of my own, but thought others were arriving. It all worked out fine, though).

Liturgy for Agape Bread, wine and fish sharing

After Our Lord, Jesus Christ was raised to glory by his father and our father

he appeared again to the disciples

this time, it was different

usually, Jesus was the guest

at the home of Simon the leper, when he was anointed with oil

he was the guest

at the home of Peter's mother-in-law, whom he cured

he was the guest

at the home of Zacchaeus the tax collector he befriended

he was the guest

But at the lakeside

he was the host

as the fishermen went back to their old lives

he cooked them food

and invited them to share breakfast with him

a simple breakfast of fish and bread

a simple breakfast which was an invitation

an invitation to be sustained in Christ's bounty

so they would go into the world

and take the Good News that Jesus Christ

had been crucified, died and was buried

but had been raised to life

to bring glory to the father

and forgiveness of sins to the whole world

So their lives would never be the same again

in this simple breakfast of bread and fish

So, as we gather here, on this glorious Easter morning

let us share this fish and bread and wine

and in doing so

share God's bountiful goodness

so, when we go from here

we will take the Good News of the risen Christ

into our homes, our lives, our hearts

so the whole world will know

Bread Photos

Dough Cross

Bread ready for baking

 

Easter risen breid

Keeping to my commitments

I was brought up that once you have made a commitment to something, I am to stick to it. Yes, there will and has been times when I really couldn't stick to it (like surgery), but those have been exceptional circumstances.

With that attitude, I know I have sometimes taken on more than I should or realised it's all happening close together, rather than a bit more spread out. Unless I have really messed up and double booked myself (which, fortunately, has happened once and turned out the time of one thing had changed from what I was originally told) I'll get on with it.

I also won't take on something which is at the same time as something I have already committed to. The other thing may seem more interesting or useful or any number of other excuses why the original commitment could be bumped. I think in ministry this is especially important, as a meeting with a member of the congregation or colleague may not seem as important as a training course or phone call, but it's important to the person I am to see. After all, I am called to serve and if I just change meetings around due to more interesting (or seemingly important) things coming along, I am being self-serving.

I know there are times when things will need to be re-arranged, but I'd like to think they'd be the exception and not the norm. In fact I sincerely pray they would be the exception and I always focus on who I am serving.

Try to be me and try not to laugh

I was involved in the local high school's assembly today. When I say involved - I closed in prayer and wished the pupils a good Easter and holiday.

The whole assembly was shared by the chaplaincy team. Though there were a few there, it was slickly organised, with one person at a time doing a piece.

The thing I 'struggled' with was the concentration of Jesus' death on the cross being all about sacrifice, yet with overtones of God being a loving father. I wonder how the children were thinking through how a loving father would require the sacrifice of his son? As you may have gathered, I don't think that should be the focus of the Christian message, but that's a discussion for another time.

So, having been asked 5 minutes before the assembly began to pray and sat through an assembly all about sacrifice I was aware I had to choose my words carefully in my prayer. I also was mindful we'd run over and could see people waiting to gain access to the hall. None of these factors were my fault, but I didn't want to make things worse. So, I was short and to the point. I think I found a tone which neither undermined the assembly as a whole nor my own theology. I never thought that would be a skill I'd develop, but there's times when it's useful.

The main thing I learnt today was how to not corpse when this was played. On so many levels this was funny (even though it shouldn't ave been)...

All about me

Well, my talk seemed to go well (though I get the impression I may have run over a wee bit - note to self, ask how long you're to talk for!). I gave them a wee bit of my background, with some randomly related tangents along the way. But that's how my mind works, and they wanted to "get to know me better".

They are a small but lovely group. Warm, friendly and welcoming. I felt really comfortable talking to them, as they were clearly interested and wanting to support me. The only thing I felt a little awkward about was the 'time for tea.' As the honoured guest, I sat with the chair and vice-chair, at a separate table with posh china and homebaking, while everyone else sat together with mugs, biscuits and having a blether. As the guest (and knowing this is the norm) I respected it, but it just didn't sit well with me. Partly, that was the being made a (small) fuss of, being made to be distinctive and not being able to engage with the rest of the group as much as I would have liked. The latter of those 'issues' was the most jarring.

At the end I was asked to 'close' the meeting. While that being unexpected, it was expected, if that makes sense. I wasn't sure what the usual way of closing the meeting was, so I led them in a short prayer. They seemed happy with that, so I assume that it was okay.

And they gave me some flowers. If this is going to become regular, perhaps I need to get a vase...

Desperate Dan Vase

Everything and nothing

Tomorrow, I will be speaking to a ground associated with Caledonia Kirk. And the theme is? Me. Yeah - (this is said in a slightly 'Deputy Dog' style).

It's humbling to be asked to talk to them (they are a lovely group of people), but I don't really like talking about myself - well not if it's just in "just about you" sort of terms.

There's a tension here. Revealing enough they get to know me a bit better (poor people), I have done my best, but I don't give so much away I leave myself open and vulnerable. That's tied with the knowledge in entering ministry I am doing just that.

So, for tomorrow afternoon I need to come up with a plan of action that I tell them everything, while telling them nothing. I think I'll begin with maps - maps are cool.

Organised or last minute

Generally, I like to be fairly organised. Not in a OCD sort of way, but I don't like leaving things to the last minute. For me, it's a measure of managing my time well - things I can do timeously, I do. Might as well get them out of the way when I've time, rather than wait till I don't have enough time.

I can do things spur of the moment and step up to the plate to do stuff at very short notice if necessary. As someone who's training for ministry, not being able to do this would make some things a bit awkward. I have already experienced being asked to pray or offer a brief reflection in social situations (though, when I think about it, I suspected I might be asked to, so had mentally prepared myself).

So, because my default position is being a wee bit organised, I can struggle to work with those who are last minute. It's not the first time I have had to say 'no' to doing something as I really haven't been given sufficient time to properly prepare. For those who are last minute, I suspect this is hard for them to deal with, because they may see the timescale they give as more than sufficient. In some ways, it would be if I didn't have uni work to fit in too.

Now, this is all good experience for me. I have worked with people who can be last minute, but they acknowledged this and gave themselves 'false' targets, so others would have sufficient notice. It's a pity everyone didn't work like that, when others are involved. Sigh.

Salt of the world

I've been thinking about Jesus' saying his followers about them (and us) being "Salt of the world" (Matthew 5:13) and it's implications for the church and individual Christians in their interaction with the world. I know part of my reflecting on this is driven by my own theology, while being on placement with a very different one. In that tension, I suppose I am trying to justify why I believe in a God who will and does save all the world.

As someone who doesn't really cook with salt, and with the healthy eating stuff we encounter day to day, perhaps this analogy needs updating. To what, I'm not sure. One thing I am sure of, though, is I notice when food has been salted. I'm probably more attuned to it precisely because I do not cook with it. Bread, though, does need just a little, other wise, it's flavourless (and the yeast takes over a bit too much, which can result in a dry, crumbly textured loaf BTW).

And these two things got me thinking. Lets start with the salt in foods when I'm not used to them. I notice the salt, but sometimes because I am noticing it, I no longer taste the food. For those of us who have weened ourselves off salt in cooking, you begin to taste things as they are, really appreciating the flavours. Salt merely enhances them, but if you are attuned to their tastes, salt isn't as necessary. Maybe the Christian life should be like that. For those who are attuned to God's love, whoever they experience it, do they really need us to be salt for them? Do they just see the church and, depending on how salty it is, that gets in their why of seeing and knowing God. The saltiness of the church can mask the love of God...

On the other hand, though, when even a couple of grains of salt are added to a dish, it penetrates the whole. No part of the dish does not have the taste of salt, even though it may only be a subtle change in the dish. Might even be enough to help those who are not used to really tasting food in it's 'unsalted' state to really appreciate the flavours of the dish in all its fullness. Now, thinking of that in relation to Jesus' words - the church being salt of the earth, just a little, all through the world, might just be enough to help people to know God's love for them. To understand and know him in ways they never could if that subtle amount of salt were not in their world. I'd like to minister in the sort of church which tried to do that - encouraging and enabling all in their relationship with God, through the church being flavour in people's work, rest and play.

That would make the church truly salt for the world.

Too informal for me

The longer I am at Caledonia Kirk, the more I realise how I don't like complete informality in an act of worship. It's a balance, I know, and not easy to get right. But I think a certain pattern of the ritual can help the congregation follow proceedings and, through them, get closer to God.

Often, prayers are just offered, with no beginning. I wonder if we are praying at all or it is the person leading worship offering thoughts for the congregation to go away with, until I hear the concluding 'Amen.'. If I'm confused (and I am actively looking out for these clues), I wonder if the congregation gets it?

It was communion the other Sunday and I really struggled to engage with it. The music barely stopped and the musicians didn't sit or move off the 'stage' (yes, that is what they call it. Just don't get me started on that one). People around me are talking as the elements are being passed. I know there's no reason why anyone should be quiet, but the lack of silence is certainly a barrier for me. If it is for me, I'd imagine it's a barrier for others in the congregation.

There were responses too. That's something which hasn't happened before, though they were on the order of service. For some reason, I managed to not get one, but no indication was made they would be there at the start of the communion part of the service, so few took part to begin with. I wonder why they weren't also put on the screen? At least they would have been there for those who, like me, didn't have an order of service.

On a more positive note, the children always return for communion. I know there are some who would criticise this, but I like the fact when all are welcome around the Lord's table, it's really meant. After all, if children aren't allowed to participate in communion, what does that say about the church's attitude to them as part of the body of Christ? Now, that might be a post for another time.

Getting assessed

Yesterday, I took as much of the service as I could at Caledonia Kirk. This was as I was being assessed by the speech trainer from ministries council. As no one really does much more than one part of the service, a couple of people did mention they wondered why I was doing so much (I did the opening prayer, children's talk and sermon).

Though I was nervous, I was also strangely relaxed about this. It was the third time I've preached at Caledonia, but first time I've done a children's talk there. And it's the second time I've been assessed by the speech trainer, who's lovely and really wants to help and encourage all the candidates.

A couple of things helped with the sense of 'comfort' (sorry, I can't think of a better word. Acceptance that I have this gift, but with the humility and knowledge I am doing it in God's strength, not mine, with the prayers others leading worship offered on my behalf before the service (and throughout the week for some). Though I do not come from a church culture where others would be told so often they are being prayed for (more likely, they'd be told they were thinking of them), I do appreciate them. Its touching and humbling that in all these people have going on in their lives, they have the time and thoughtfulness to pray for me - me a mere student who's only been there for 3 months!

Over all, I felt my contribution to the service went really well. I have definitely grown in confidence and competence since the speech trainer saw me this time last year. That is down to experience, though I know the academic study does help a lot, as I have more tools and materials to work from. Practise and study go hand in hand, that's for sure.

I did slightly stumble in the opening prayer and I'm not entirely sure why. But I recovered and the speech trainer, though noting it, didn't see it as an issue and did mention most would not have noticed. The other aspects flowed, which was heartening. I even got a good bit of interaction with the children, which was a relief, given it was the first one (no pressure, when being assessed). I thought I engaged the congregation as well as the children, and the speech trainer waxed lyrical about my interaction with them and the congregation, so it's good to know my reflections match the reality!

The sermon went surprisingly well. I had the difficult job (my choice) of talking about kingdom and covenant in the Lord's prayer. I thought I was using my notes for an acceptable bit of it, but knew them well enough that I wasn't reading them and was able to engage with the congregation. I also felt I had a good pace, volume, story, flow etc (and I did get quite passionate about the work of Crossreach - in context, of course). A few people mentioned how they noticed my passion come across and that really drew them in. All of this was acknowledged by the speech trainer. He also told me (and in hindsight, I can see it) that I was very courageous, that I would make my points, drawing people in, making eye contact with them, then (and only then) I would refer to my notes for the next bit.

After the service, I have loads of people thanking me. A few even said they felt very challenged, but in a good way. That's what I hoped for, and pray it was God's word they heard and not mine, but that's always my prayer.

Watch and learn

Over the summer, I got used to doing a lot on placement. After all, it was full-time. Due to the full-time nature of it, I felt I got to know the congregation (and those with links to Highland Cathedral) really quite well. (Though if I'm being honest, that church and I got on really well).

At Caledonia Kirk I am finding it harder to get to know people. There aren't as many things on there as there were at either of my previous placements and I am only part-time, so there's a limit to what I can do. I suppose over the summer I got used to being involved and being able to seek out things to do (I am a pretty pro-active person). That isn't as easy where I am. Perhaps I should have done my summer placement next year, as that way I wouldn't have this back to part-time thing going on.

Like with Eagleside, some of the things I'd like to be involved in happen when I have classes (and my timetable doesn't improve in that regard next semester). I know I rather got used to being able to just do stuff over the summer, the only restriction on my time being what I took on (generally), rather than have the limitation of doing placement around university.

Something which slightly exacerbates my feeling of not doing enough is the involvement of others in worship at Caledonia Kirk. While I think that should be applauded, there are some weeks where there is nothing for me to do, but watch. While I can learn from observation, I have done rather a lot of that over both co-ordinated field placements and my last 2. I know I learn best doing things and had let my supervisor know this at the start of my placement.

A bit of me feels without the regular involvement in worship all I have learnt my stagnate (or, for some of it, might go back to square one). Many of those who are involved in worship at Caledonia Kirk have much more experience leading worship that I do. Does make me wonder why the (as far as I can see) unwillingness for some of those to let me do things. There is a bit of me thinks if it's so hard to get to do things, perhaps this isn't the best place to send candidates for a placement. Or, as I firmly believe, this is all part of me learning about the need for good, positive leadership, which encourages, affirms and supports others. Watching might not be a bad thing after all.

Talking about presents

My 'present address' went okay. As it's the first time I've done anything like that there's definitely room for improvement. Think it's one of those things which I'll be best able to do when I really know a congregation.

I did it a wee bit different, beginning with inviting the congregation to go and say 'Merry Christmas' to someone they hadn't done so. Must admit, that was a bit of an interesting spectator sport, as there was a visitor who didn't get acknowledged and the praise band didn't move from where they were (wish I'd noticed at the time...I think I would have commented). Then, I invited the congregation to share something about the gifts they'd received and/or what they were doing for the rest of the day with someone the weren't sitting with. While that was happening, I went and spoke to the visitor. (It was an interesting discussion, especially as that was the second time in 5 days someone has asked if I was the minister, when my supervisor was there too. Suppose it's really affirming that strangers are seeing it in me, but it also convinces me it's important for many visitors they know who the minister is.)

I then went and talked to a couple of members and the children about what they'd received. That was the first time I've spoken to the children at Caledonia Kirk during an act of worship, as there's not usually a children's address. I think no one got what they were expecting. For me, it was a good compromise between acknowledging people (especially the children) will want to bring their presents to church, but not have every present discussed with 'the minister'. It also got the congregation talking and engaging as a community. That, I believe, is an important element of what church should be.

Afterwards, not much was commented on about what I'd done, but that's not unusual at Caledonia Kirk. One member of the congregation did tell me he really liked what I'd done, as everyone was included and no one would have felt awkward for not having a present with them. It was good to hear that, as that was part of the idea.

More on God is love

I've now met with my supervisor and he, generally, felt I preached well on Sunday. I delivered well, had a good beginning (though he felt there wasn't an ending - I'll come back to that) and raised a couple of questions.

One question was around a comment I'd made that I an no theologian. He called me to task on this, as I am being theologically trained. I could see where he was coming from, but think that's down to my understanding of what my statement really meant, which could be a sermon in itself. Basically, my calling is not as a theologian, but as a minister. While theology will (and does) inform that, it is not who I am. In my first degree cartography played a bit part, but I am no cartographer. That said, though other places I have preached (on and off placement) would have understood where I was coming from, it's good to keep my supervisor's comments in mind as different congregations may interpret that in different ways.

Though I preached on love and defined it by way of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, I did not define it beyond that. My supervisor felt I should have made a practical application of love. Mmmh. I did ask the congregation to reflect on what Paul's words meant and how they could apply them to their lives, but left it at that. That was deliberate, as I think sometimes it's good for congregations to be left with questions and routes to explore, rather than be given all the answers. Not something I'd do all the time, but think there's no harm doing so occasionally.

I did let my supervisor know I was trying to hold in tension my own inclusive, moderate theology with the knowledge many in the congregation were more conservative. I wanted to be true to myself, without coming across as disrespectful or dismissive of where they were coming from, after all, I am a guest there. My supervisor did comment he respected my bravery for doing that.

So, overall, good. Some things to keep in mind. I am also aware preaching is easier (for preacher and congregation) where they are known to each other. That's a relationship I can only develop over time with a congregation, as I get to know them and them me. Then I might get away with saying I am not a theologian (perhaps I should have said great theologian?).

God is love

I preached at Caledonia Kirk today. They don't generally follow the lectionary, while I do. This week, though, I looked at the lectionary texts and decided to go my own way. This is forging new ground for me, as the lectionary is my default mechanism. It wasn't that I whimped out, but felt God was calling me to preach a message the lectionary texts would not necessarily have allowed me to.

As my theology an inclusive one, whereas my supervisor and many others at Caledonia Kirk are conservative, it was a struggle for me preparing for today. I need to be who God has called, to be true to who I am and preach the message God wants his people to hear, which only I can deliver (that alone is such a responsibility!), but that needed to be held in tension with respecting and honouring where the Caledonia Kirk congregation are coming from. (Why do I get myself into these situations? Why is it me who has to say the hard things and cut to the chase?)

So, with this being the first Sunday in Advent, as the church prepares for the coming of Jesus, God incarnate, into the world, I preached on 1 John 4:4-19, focusing on 1 John 4:7b ("Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God"). It was an inclusive message and may have been a hard message for some in the congregation to listen to. But it was what God wanted me to say, I firmly believe.

Interestingly, after I last preached I felt it went really well and everyone made the right noises, but I'd somehow let myself and, more importantly, God down. But that was due to the restrictions from I had from the book the church is following for non-festival preaching and it being my first time there, so I was getting the measure of the congregation. This time, though I may not have presented quite as well (though I am probably really critiquing myself, but I set myself high standards), I was true to who I am and God's word from me in that time and place. A bit like the prophets, I said what God needed said, with courage and confidence, knowing people may not like it, but with the knowledge I have to be true to God's call.

Unusually, I didn't stray from my notes. I also think I used them a bit more than I have, but that could be I am increasingly aware of how I present myself.

Afterwards, feedback was good. A couple of people commented on liking my direct approach (and if you know me, you'd know that's how I am - I call a spade a spade), some appreciated the general message that God is love and God loves everyone (which I was a bit surprised by). One person did say she like almost all my sermon, except my comment that "Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God", even though I was quoting from scripture, as she felt there are people who are loving, but don't know God. I couldn't necessarily agree with her, but like the fact she did tell me.

It will be interesting to hear what my supervisor thought. He didn't say anything at the time, which I don't know if that's a good or bad thing. I have a meeting later this week, so will see and I humbly listen to what he has to say.

Oh, and I got this played before I began preaching. I did wonder whether I could have just stood up and said "here endeth the sermon". I did say that at the start of the sermon and got quite a positive reaction!

House Groups

Last night was a first for me. I attended a house group. There are a few of these at (from, founded in?) Caledonia Kirk and I was keen to see what happened at them. I will reserve judgement to a certain extent until I have been to others and, perhaps, re-visited the one I attended.

There was a definite sharing and support at the group. I know some things were explained a bit more because I was there, giving me a bit more of a picture of what goes on at Caledonia. It also gave those in the group a chance to get to know me and I them a little better (some I don't think I've actually met, but so many faces, so little time!).

I was a bit surprised we didn't delve into the bible - there is a book the house groups are following at the moment and I had gone along prepared to listen and engage with what was there. Now, you might think that's because I was there and needed the explanation - I did too. But we'd be wrong. Towards the end of the meeting, the subject matter cam up and I was told that because this group regard themselves as mature Christians, they don't have any questions!!!

Okay, so how did I deal with that? I told them the story of a bible study group I was involved with, where a recent convert from Hinduism came along for a while (he was working in the area). He asked questions which made us all have to really think. We were also happy to say we didn't know, if we didn't (and there were people who have been Christians much longer than those at last night's house group there). I explained how this person asked the sort of questions those who have been Christian for a long time sometimes feel they can't ask, as it's sometimes expected they should know. I don't know how it went down, but one person then had the confidence to ask a question he hadn't asked, so perhaps there is a culture of those who have been Christians for a long time should know it all. That slightly scares me. I often have more questions than answers and know people who are much, much more mature in their faith than I am who have lots of questions. This is something for me to ponder of the coming months and it'll be interesting to see how things are at other house groups.

The down side of house groups, as I see it, is two fold. Firstly, how does leadership take place that allows discussion and questioning, without the group just being a group of friends meeting for tea and cake? Also, it would be all too easy for it just to be a group of friends, with similar opinions, backgrounds and outlooks. I suppose that's why I think churches (as in the buildings) are useful because the gathered community will include people I wouldn't necessarily be friends with, but whom I am in relationship with in the community of church and through Christ.

Getting other people involved

Recently, I have been reflecting on congregational involvement in worship. I have experienced it in all of my placements, with each church managing this in varying ways. I think its a great thing, as I don't like the idea of having to do the whole service, even if it is I just avoid the notices and the readings. It gives me a break, gives a indication of the priesthood of all believers in the involvement and allows congregation members to use the gifts they have for leading others in worship. Though called to ministry of word and sacrament, there is part of me thinks it would be great to work my way out of a job!

As part of my reflection, I have been wondering how to manage this involvement. As part of the leadership role I see myself going into as a minister, I see my role in encouraging, enabling and supporting members of the congregation to be involved in worship. There's a fine line in letting them try, yet still being there to help where necessary. Setting it up if it weren't there would take time and effort in the short term, but would (she says hopefully) play dividends in the long term.

If I were to get to the point I did not have 'up-front' involvement in worship every week, I would see my role as one of oversight. Being there to ensure there's continuity to worship, it flows and to offer support before and after the service. Without that oversight people may feel unsupported or they could get away with almost anything without accountability. While we are all accountable to God, the person or people leading worship are accountable to the congregation. Something needs to be in place to give that in an appropriate way.

It's a strange one. I hope I can encourage congregational involvement in worship wherever I go in a way which is best for the individuals and the community as a whole. We all have gifts to bring to God and it isn't just the ordained and set apart who have them.

Labels

I don't like labels. I don't like being pigeon-holed and don't like doing so to others. I find it makes assumptions about people, which may or may not be correct. And my (or their) assumptions may be wrong due to misinformation, prejudice or just plain ignorance.

But I still call myself a Christian. What does that mean? A follower of Christ, as simple as that. I try to follow the path he leads me down, guided in the holy spirit. Nothing more, nothing less. It's so simple, yet so profound (for me at least). Yet the easiest things in life are the most profound.

As part of following Christ I am called to spread the good news. Take it with me wherever I am and with whoever I encounter, even into God's wonderful creation (which, being fundamentally anti-social, with a love of the great outdoors does suit me rather well). Good news, from the Greek evangelon, which gives the English word evangelise or Evangelist.

And just how much baggage is associated with that word? Too many for my liking. It always seems to come pre-fixed with conservative these days, boarding towards fundamentalism as I sometimes see it. (Just like to point out very few conservative evangelicals I know of would say the earth is only 3000 years old and slavery is okay, which scripture would, if read literary as other things are read literally, suggest). Even within the church evangelist and evangelism seem to be dirty words outwith the conservative part of the Kirk.

So, as a generally open-minded person, can I be an evangelist? I think I can. I pray I can. I feel called to be one. In many ways, I feel called to regain the word, the call, the good news, for the whole church. So it can be pre-fixed with liberal, open minded, questioning, doubting, flawed even. But all following Christ and all taking his good news, his evangelon, into the world. Now that really would be good news!