Before the day breaks

Between night and day

As I walk to uni of a morning, I cut through one of the many parks in Edinburgh. When I first started, it was daylight, but now it's dark and as I walk, the city wakes up.

While I head through the park, I see people driving cars and riding bikes wheeling their way to work; runners getting their exercise before they start work; workmen (not being sexist, not seen any women yet!) taking deliveries of building materials. All as I walk to uni.

The thing I like most about walking through the park are the sights and sounds. The car engines, the bike chains whizzing and whirring. And, in among this noise, as it's still early and there isn't many people around, the sound of the swans and geese and crows and blackbirds all getting ready for the day. Getting ready to live day by day, to have enough to get by on and worry about tomorrow when tomorrow comes. To live like that, now that would be liberating. For if the birds are provided for, how much more are we?

Love your neighbour as yourself

One of the greatest blessings I have in my life is Spot. He is a true gift from God. Before I found him, I didn't understand people when they talked of their soul mates and other halves. Now I do.

Through Spot's love and support I have grow and finally learned to love myself. I accept who I am (flawed as that is) and love myself. Now I love myself, I can put Jesus' commandment to love my neighbour as myself into practice. How could I love them when I did not really love myself?

Having a life-partner has brought huge rewards to me. Love, companionship, a shared life together. We don't agree on everything, but we accept, respect and love each other even in the disagreements.

I know having Spot in my life has allowed me to finally follow God's call to ministry. Yes, I still wonder if God's got it wrong, but have the self-belief that if God wants me to minister to his people, who am I to not follow (does that make sense?). I doubt I would have ever stepped out in faith without Spot's love and support. I know there are some who would criticise me for that, but God doesn't seem to have, given how blessed we have been since I began to follow his call.

There have been times when I was undertaking the various parts of the selection process where I was struggling, both with my sense of call (why me?) and things which were going on in the placements. Knowing I had someone at home who I could talk with or just chill-out with was one of the things which kept me going.

I know, once I am a minister, I will need my support networks more than ever. Obviously, I look to God first in all things, but I also know he has given me Spot as part of his support for me.

Now, that is a great and precious gift God has given me. Companionship, love, trust, the list goes on. If I truly love my neighbour as myself, I feel I would be a hypocrite to say to another that they cannot, not ever, have this type of relationship.

If a person makes that decision of their own free-will, fair enough. I have much respect for those who follow a celibate life and seem to thrive on it. But, I could never tell someone they should be single when I am not and am better for being with my soul-mate. What's good for the goose is good for the gander, so to speak.

Blessed following God's way

Over the last couple of years, serveral things have fallen into place, very conveniently. The details I can't really go into here, but they're all going to make Spot being the sole breadwinner much, much easier.

I say conveniently, but it's all part of God's plan, isn't it? I've struck out in faith to follow my calling and he's looking after me in many great and amazing ways. Not only looking after me, but Spot too. I couldn't do this without his love and support.

It's great. It's amazing. I'm so priviliged to be doing this and so blessed by God. But, and I know this is just me being negitive, there's just a wee nagging doubt the bottom is going to fall out of it all. Yeah, I know, I shouldn't worry and I'm not really. I suppose I'm thinking "the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away". All I have comes from God. It's his to do with as he wishes. I know he has/is blessing me. I know this is because I am following him in faith and love. Whatever happens, I know it will all be part of his plan for me. All part of my unique act of love he needs me to bring to the world.

Watchnight Address

I did the address at my home church's watchnight service. I was nervous about it. Watchnight is one service where many people will attend who only come to the watchnight service. Where there are people coming for a variety of reasons. Tradition, habit, visiting relatives in the area, being a member of that church. Whatever the reason, they are all seeking God and something away from the hustle and bustle of secular Christmas.

I knew I had to hit the right tone with my address. Inclusive, without being wishy-washy. To try to say something which everyone would understand, but wouldn't patronise any regular worshiper. I think I hit that balance.

It was a privilege to be allowed to take part, to such an extent, in the watchnight service. My minister obviously trusts me! Once I delivered the address, she told me it was really good. I thought it was, but it's reassuring to have it confirmed.

It seems, I have a gift writing addresses and sermons. Or perhaps I've just been lucky so far. I pray it's the former and I continue to be guided by the holy spirit to say the words God's people need to hear, when they need to hear them.

NB A watchnight service is a service held beginning shortly before midnight on Christmas eve while waiting (watching) for Christmas in Scotland.

A run in the car

Yesterday, Spot and I had planned to take the bike for a run along the Fife coast, generally heading in an East Neuk and then St Andrews direction. When I got up yesterday morning, the weather was dull, but not too bad. That was at 7am, though. By 9, the rain had started and it wasn't very pleasant.

So, we decided to generally follow our original plan, but in the car. The drive was lovely, as the roads weren't too busy and, even in the rail, the scenery is beautiful. The showers were pretty heavy, so we were pleased of the car!

I have been after a leather jacket, but I'd prefer a second hand one, so it's slightly worn in, rather than shinny. St Andrew's has a good selection of charity shops, so Spot and I went for a browse. Well, I didn't find a jacket, but I did make a purchase...

I bought all on this shelf. This includes a dictionary of the bible in 5 volumes from 1906, various text books, reflective reading and prayer/service resources. Some may be more useful than others, some more interesting then others, but I know they will all be useful. Spot recons it may have been divine influence we took the car, as those tomes were heavy!

Just after I made my purchases, the sun broke through the clouds and it turned into a stunning afternoon and evening, as this view of Tentsmuir forest from St Andrews castle shows...

More and more, I feel God guiding me and helping me out. Taking me places I need to go and opening my eyes to things around me. He's also giving me a hand up. Maybe yesterday was one of those. I think it was and I thank Him for it.

Can't sing, won't sing

When I was little, my terrible singing was legendary. I'd like to have thought I was a bit like Eric Morecambe in the classic Morecambe and Wise with Andre Previn sketch "all the right notes, just not necessarily in the right order, but that would have implied some right notes. Holding a tune in a bucket would have been a major achievement!!!

I always learnt all the words for the sings (or hymns) that the Sunday school, school class or drama group were preforming. And I had (and still do) have the voice to ensure those at the back of the hall or church can hear me. But, I'm sure they rather I wouldn't have!!!

It got to the stage, where the class was to preform a song for end of term, say, the teacher would ask me to mime. As I knew the words, I was also to prompt those who'd forgotten. My quiet wasn't that quiet, I have to admit!!!

Even at uni, my singing was still appalling. Some good friends of mine would kill "Caravan of Love" by the House Martins. Others living in the block must have thought we were strangling a cat, or something!!!

Yet, latterly, somethings odds stated. As I recall, it first happened 4 years ago, at a good friend's wedding (incidentally, a fellow caravan of lover). Another one of the "Caravan of Love" chorus turned to me after the service and said "when did you learn to sing like that?" - harking back to the cat's choir. I didn't think things had changed, and also put it down to hymns I'd known since I was wee.

Then, when I first visited the church where I did my second period of co-ordinated field assessment, a member of the congregation told me "What a braw voice you have". When I told my Mum this she laughed and said "they must be tone deaf".

Then, yesterday, I was helping the older group at young church. Initially, they were practicing the hymn they will be singing at next Sunday's service. I commented I'd better not join in, as I'd distract them. My minister, who'd come out to play for us (her husband, the other minister, was leading worship) and who had also been sitting in front of me during the start of the service said "why do you always say things like that. I was listening to you during the hymns and you have a really nice voice".

Good grief, if that's the case, where has it come from. I could probably get signed affidavits from multiple people countering my minister's claims. I suspect, with enough years of practice anyone can become good (or at least reasonable) at almost anything. Or maybe, just maybe, this is another gift from God. Now, that would be amazing.