New experiences

Yesterday brought with it a new experience, but one which I think even The Boss was surprised was new to me. I sat on the 'serving' side of the communion table as it was served. Not being an elder, nor having been involved in communion in any of my placements (except by way of sitting with the congregation), I had never had the opportunity to be involved. It's a strange experience seeing it from 'the other side' and one I will need to get 'used to.'

Apart from communion, which Laura administer, I led the rest of the service. Again, linking the sermon to communion was a new thing for me, as the way things have worked out thus far, I had never preached when communion was being served before. Generally, I think the sermon and prayers I led went well, but perhaps should stick more to my notes. Going off script seems to lead to unforeseen issues, as I loose track of where I am and panic when I realise I have no idea where in my script I am.

The children's address didn't come together as well as I would have liked. It may have been a disconnect between me and the congregation, as I talked to the children (who aren't that chatty). I also thought I had what I was going to say sussed, but realised as I got little reaction that I perhaps hadn't thought it through as well as I thought I had. After the service, someone did ask why I came off the 'stage' (their word), as that means the congregation can't see me as well. Yesterday, with extra things around for communion and the praise band, had I stayed on the 'stage', I would have been a fair bit away from the children, with lots of stuff between us too.

In 'opposition' to my normal custom and practise, I also didn't use the pulpit. This was not down to any 'big' reason, of linking word and sacrament through preaching the sermon from the communion table. No, it was down to having really painful knees and struggling to stand and sit. The short walk and few stairs up to the pulpit could not have been done with any sort of gravitas or dignity yesterday.

Not much comment was really made after the service, except regarding the children's address. One person, who I didn't recognise, did say I was finding my feet (yes, they are at the end of my legs!). I will take that as a complement, though I really realise just how much I still have to learn. Argh!!!

Breaking with tradition

Warning - this has nothing to do with Christmas or Advent or exams!

At New College, there's a tradition that candidates in training (for all flavours of church) can lead one of the weekly communion services in their final year of academic study. I'm not sure when this 'tradition' began, but I suspect not everyone got a shot a few years ago, as the number of candidates would have outstripped the number of communions. So, is it really traditional or the Church of Scotland sort of traditional (do it once, it's new; do it twice, it's traditional).

I've missed those regular communions a wee bit this semester, as I've not been in Edinburgh on a Thursday. Transport's expensive enough without having to travel more than necessary (so I've not missed it that much). It does mean I have missed a few of my peers leading this service.

What I find odd about asking the candidates to lead the communion service is we can't do the hand wriggles yet. So, (and I don't know the precise sketch in how this works) there needs to be a real minister there too. Which sort of defeats the purpose, in my head. Could we not just lead a service san communion? At least that would be open to those in the community who, for whatever reason, cannot take communion.

But, for me that isn't the crux of the issue. No, it's the signal to the rest of the New College community that those who are studying for the same degree as others, taking the same courses, revising for the same exams, are different from those who aren't training for ministry. I've only known of one non-candidate lead the service, but their Dad's a minister. Seems like a bit of bias.

Also, I really don't want to lead worship in front of my peers. With no where to hide (I do like being behind the communion table or in the pulpit, then you can't see just how nervous I actually am). At uni, everyone's a little bit too close, a little bit too knowledgeable. Frankly, I'd rather preach above Robert the Bruce's tomb.

Then, I know there's a bit of peer pressure about leading the service. Back at the beginning of semester I mentioned to a couple of people I didn't want to do it and they were all like, 'but you have to.' When I asked why the rational was everyone else does. Oh, that's a good excuse. Remind me not to follow you to a cliff edge! Being the sort of person who will not do something 'because,' that argument did not change my mind.

And finally, I'd like to set a precedence that it's okay to say 'no, thank you' when the invitation to lead the communion service is extended. To my mind, it seems it's grown/morphed into a privilege to be asked into an expectation that the candidates will do (not by New College, but by the collective mindset). So, this year I am breaking with tradition.

Communion - what to do while you eat the bread and drink the wine

This may sound like a bit of an odd one, but it is me! What are you supposed to do when you receive communion? I don't recall ever being told what to do, but do remember the meaning of communion being explained to me (knowing me, probably when I asked loads of questions when my age was still in single figures).

From now having received communion in a variety of contexts and from a variety of celebrants, the basic elements stay the same. Bread and wine. That's fine, I can cope with that (though I think wafers are boggin'!). I know I probably get it wrong, but I tend to chew the bread thinking about whether it's decent, tasty bread or CofS slightly chewy, but with a dried-out outer layer, horrible centimetre square white bread stuff. I suspect I am supposed to be having a deep and meaningful moment connecting with God.

As for the wine, when it's a common cup, I sometimes can't get the idea of back wash out of my head. Or see a person with a hacking cough taking from it and think 'could you not have politely sat out?'. At least I can just place the cup to my lips and not really think about it too much. Always remembering to give the cup its 'magic wipe' - which, of course, kills all know germs dead!

When it's an individual cup, not taking the whole amount is not an option. After my experience this summer of non-alcoholic communion wine, which is sweetened grape juice,* I have learnt to just throw it down my neck and not pull faces. Not very reverend. And, at some point in the future, I will be the celebrant.

So, what I am wondering is if I don't think I have ever been taught what to do in my head (and heart) during communion, how many 'people in the pews' feel the same? It's not that I think of it as being unimportant, far from it. I miss not having communion regularly. I just wonder what I really should be doing?

* And why, oh why, does something which is naturally very sweet need have sugar added? That's why it ferments into wine so well, the sugar turns to alcohol!

Communioned out

Over the course of the last 2 weeks, I have been involved in communion, in one way or another, about a dozen times. Twice in a Sunday service of worship, once at a presbytery meeting and the rest by way of home communions. The different settings have been interesting to witness and reflect on. I suspect there's still a lot of processing still to do.

At the home communions, I expected to be more moved than I am in communions on a Sunday morning, due to the more intimate nature of them. But that's not how it felt. Perhaps it was knowing I was, to a certain extent, on show - I am the newbie, the student minister, here for the summer. I have been all too aware some of those how I have visited during the course of the communions have been sizing me up. Most, though have been very pleased to see me and welcomed me into their homes.

Perhaps it's me not knowing these people. The auxiliary minister obviously knows them well and, I suspect, that relationship is what makes it more profound for him. I hope, as I get to know the people I will serve, that I also get to experience that.

Looking at the home communion set, with the dish which could only take wafers or small squares of bread (really, don't get me started on that!) and knowing the wine was horrible (sweetened grape juice - really, is grape juice not sweet enough? That's why it ferments well!) got in the way for me. Rather than reverently take the elements, I was aware I would have to stop the expression of yuck over my face as I took the wine. But it's not about me, it's about those I serve. They, clearly got much from the communion and fellowship.

Included with the communion was a reflection on the reading which had been used during the Sunday communion service - a cut down sermon, I suppose. Personally, I think I would rather spend that time offering pastoral care to those I visited, but I can also see the merit of what's carried out here, as it keeps those who cannot attend in touch with the teaching in church.

With that in mind, and given home communion only seems to occur here in the week after communion season, I do wonder if a special effort could perhaps be made to get those who cannot attend to church. While some could not attend, most probably could if they were taken. Surely that would be more of a communion - a common sharing of worship, fellowship and the elements themselves? I think I have a bit of processing of that to come.

Communion Season

It has been communion season at Railway Crossing and First Stop. This involves an actual season of services - preparation on the Friday, communion on the Sunday morning and thanksgiving in the evening. I was aware that this was something which happened in the early post-reformation church, but until now did not realise is was still being practised in some parts of the Kirk.

It's a living tradition, from the vibe I've got, though up here less people come to church when it's communion, which I was really surprised by, and a little shocked. Though many churches in the Kirk have adopted allowing all who are baptised to take communion, that's not the case at these churches. Both have a reasonable number of regular worshippers, who are (I use the technical term) adherents. Many of those do not attend when communion is on. I also suspect the numbers drop for communion Sunday due to the historic fencing of the table and perhaps not being able to attend all three services. That, I know, is not a problem from the Kirk Session's point of view, but the individuals concerned may see it as such. Very interesting.

Especially at Railway Crossing, the elders were very nervous. I know that can often be the case, but with a small church (both in architectural and people terms) it didn't seem onerous. Though I was just an observer for communion (naturally, it was led by the auxiliary minister attached to the congregations) I reassured the Session Clerk that it didn't matter how the bread and wine went out, as long as everyone got some. Chill.

I later found out one of the reasons they Session will get worked up about communion. They only celebrate it at Railway crossing twice a year! Firststop falls into the more 'normal' Kirk pattern of 4 times a year and they don't seem to get quite as worked up, though half the congregation are elders there, so that might be something to do with it.

It's been a great experience being a small part of these communion seasons. I have also been involved in home communions, but I will write about them later. This is the first time I've really seen just how nervous the Session can get. I also wonder, if I were called to a church which hadn't yet opened up communion to all, not just communicant members, how I would persuade them to change that. Definitely things to be going on with.

Sensitive to the place and people

Every week there is a communion celebrated at New College. I have found them all useful to re-centre myself on God, as part of the community there. The table of the Lord really is a levelling experience, with student sharing bread, wine and peace with on another.

They style of the celebrants varies enormously. Some use the elements of liturgy New College have, others bring their own. I know many do the former as they are guests and wish to be as inclusive as possible. (As a little aside, I do wonder why every service has to be communion - our Roman Catholic brothers and sisters cannot participate, but could in a service of worship if they wished).

Today, though, the way the celebrant 'preformed' communion jarred slightly with me. It was high Anglican and I have been in York Minster when communion was celebrated - you can't get much higher than that. So, why the reaction? I think it was the subtle things which, to me, did not show sensitivity to the collective group gathered.

The table was called an altar in the liturgy (clearly, it wasn't); it was referred to as Mass, rather than communion or Eucharist; we were asked to stand for the gospel reading, but no rational for this was given; and the gentrification before the blessed elements - that especially jarred with me (and others I later discovered).

I know we all need to have integrity about who we are and believe. That I do not doubt, but that has to be held in tension with respecting the place we are, if we are guests. And we have to look like we're doing what we're doing with sincerity - I don't know why (it may have been the different space), but some of the actions performed by the celebrant seemed awkward, though he felt he had to do them. Maybe that's why it jarred with me. Definitely something I need to reflect on more.

Too informal for me

The longer I am at Caledonia Kirk, the more I realise how I don't like complete informality in an act of worship. It's a balance, I know, and not easy to get right. But I think a certain pattern of the ritual can help the congregation follow proceedings and, through them, get closer to God.

Often, prayers are just offered, with no beginning. I wonder if we are praying at all or it is the person leading worship offering thoughts for the congregation to go away with, until I hear the concluding 'Amen.'. If I'm confused (and I am actively looking out for these clues), I wonder if the congregation gets it?

It was communion the other Sunday and I really struggled to engage with it. The music barely stopped and the musicians didn't sit or move off the 'stage' (yes, that is what they call it. Just don't get me started on that one). People around me are talking as the elements are being passed. I know there's no reason why anyone should be quiet, but the lack of silence is certainly a barrier for me. If it is for me, I'd imagine it's a barrier for others in the congregation.

There were responses too. That's something which hasn't happened before, though they were on the order of service. For some reason, I managed to not get one, but no indication was made they would be there at the start of the communion part of the service, so few took part to begin with. I wonder why they weren't also put on the screen? At least they would have been there for those who, like me, didn't have an order of service.

On a more positive note, the children always return for communion. I know there are some who would criticise this, but I like the fact when all are welcome around the Lord's table, it's really meant. After all, if children aren't allowed to participate in communion, what does that say about the church's attitude to them as part of the body of Christ? Now, that might be a post for another time.

Being part of communion

Yesterday, I help led communion with my supervisor. Not being an elder, I have never been involved in communion, only received it (discussion about the difference may follow!). This was at the evening service, which is more informal, but intimate. Fortunately, from leading worship at Lane End, I do not find small congregations intimidating.

I used a liturgy from an old Iona community worship book. It seemed to work well, with my supervisor and I sharing the 'voices' in the liturgy. It's really designed for the whole community being part of the service, but as many at Caledonia Kirk are not used to responses I didn't want to do anything too different for them, what with this being my first time leading any part of communion.

Prior to communion, my supervisor and I discussed what I saw as the part which should be done my a minister. I think it's the epiclesis, though am aware the congregation would be more inclined to see it as the fraction because they actually see the minister do something. So, those parts were done by my supervisor.

I expected to be really nervous or uptight about doing this. I was surprisingly relaxed. Perhaps it was the different dynamic of the smaller, more informal, group. Perhaps it's because I knew I wasn't doing communion, just helping lead the act of worship, so I wasn't responsible for it. Perhaps it's my fairly low theology of communion. Or perhaps it's a combination of all of the above.

It would be useful for me to develop my own liturgy for communion. I am aware it's a long time before I can do it myself, but now's the time to think about how I would like the liturgy for communion to work. I also need to work through what I would do for different settings (home, informal and formal communion etc). I know I can't (and wouldn't want to) have a 'one size fits all' communion.

Having seen my summer placement lead communion in a couple of settings, what surprised me was him doing it all be memory. I liked that, to a certain extent, as it felt more intimate as I knew it was his words. That will take a bit of experience and confidence on my part, both of which are a long way off when it comes to communion. For that, though, I'd need to work out exactly what is the minimum required for communion to be communion. No one seems to have an answer, so I suppose that's something I have to work out for myself.

I think the service did work, though. It came together as a cohesive unit and the communion was an inclusive liturgy, which is in line with my theology. Feedback indicated those gathered appreciated it. They knew it was new for me (both the liturgy and being involved in communion), as I told them before the call to worship. A couple of people mentioned they found it very moving, which was lovely to hear. There is a few people with Anglican and Episcopal backgrounds who commented they both enjoyed it and appreciated the more Anglican feel. That wasn't intentional, but I got the impression they got something from feeling the service was 'theirs', if that makes sense. As I was a style of liturgy I am familiar with, I now am wondering what a Presbyterian liturgy is. I assume no responses, no Angus Dei and no 'Holy, Holy, Holy', all of which I am used to from my home church.

There almost certainly will be future posts on this subject, as I work through last night and how that will inform my administering the sacrament of communion in the future. It will take a bit of time to digest properly.

Wine and bread-free communion

At New College there is a weekly communion service. I really appreciate taking communion with my peers, tutors and lecturers. Around the table, we are all equal.

As I am choked with the cold, while I stayed for the service yesterday, I did not go up to take communion. It's a common cup and I felt it would be very impolite spreading my germs (though silver has antimicrobial properties). I still felt part of communion, but that's because, for me communion is about the community gathered together. I wonder if there were people gathered who thought it weird I would stay, but not take the elements? Or maybe no one noticed or, if they did, realised why I hadn't gone up.

So, though I like the common cup for this gathering, I so could have done with the CofS thimble yesterday!!!

Communion for all

As much as I may try to have a vision of inclusivity for my future ministry (and current) I am aware that no matter what I do there are some things which will not allow everyone to feel part of an act of worship I lead.

It may be my background, my age, my style, or even the fact I am a woman. I respect there are many factors which may make some feel excluded and I will strive to deal with those I can (sorry, can't do much about the breasts).

So, as much as I may make tongue-in-cheek statements that I will use home brew for communion wine, I really wouldn't. It contains alcohol and that would prevent some members of the congregation from participating in communion, be it for medical reasons, out of principle or an awareness they would be driving after the service and never drive and drive. I, for one, fall into the latter category and could not take alcoholic communion wine if I were going to drive at all. It is the Lord's supper and all should be included, as far as possible.

Further, having alcoholic wine precludes children from receiving communion and they are as much part of the body of Christ as any of the rest of us. While I accept children are not present at most communions, I feel it is important they can take part if they (and/or their parents) wish to. If it is common knowledge the communion drink is non-alcoholic allows all to participate whenever the sacrament is administered.

I'm not sure exactly how I would broach the subject of this in a church which uses alcoholic wine for the sacrament. But I know it is important enough to me that I would have to find a way. A compromise is having both alcoholic and non-alcoholic wine, but this does not help the alcoholic to be part of the sacrament,

and seems, to me at least, to take away from the fact that communion is a symbol of those participating being the body of Christ. By excluding some, are we saying they cannot be part of that body?

Communion in the round

Communion was celebrated at Eagleside yesterday and I got a lot out of it. It felt an integrated part of the service, not "a tagged on the end because we do this 4 times a year in the Church of Scotland" feel to it. The sacrament was as much a part of the worship of God as the hymns and sermon. That isn't always the case.

The communion table was moved to be in the middle of the church, so all were sitting around it. The elements were distributed, with the elders being served after the congregation and the minister last. Then we all took the elements together once all were served. I thought that was brilliant and I wish more churches would do that (of course, that only works with those thimbles of wine the Kirk uses, not the common cup). To really impress me, the bread everyone got was the same. It may not have been the best bread in the world, but at least it was the same. As I have posted elsewhere, it is a bit of a sore point for me when the minister and elders get different bread from the rest of the congregation.

The sermon touched a nerve of mine. Much of what was said could have related directly to me and I wonder if that was the case. Obviously, I will discuss this with my supervisor, as it would be interesting to discuss the issues raised and, possibly, the rational behind his sermon. It did, in parts, make uncomfortable listening. Not necessarily for me, but given the content, it would not have been easy to listen to by some of the congregation.

I have noticed, my supervisor will tackle difficult issues in his sermons. I don't necessarily agree with his opinion, but respect he will do this. I hope this is something I can learn to do, where appropriate and in the context of the congregation I am leading and what is happening in the wider world.

Sharing the peace

I'd like to start with saying I am not as bad as Mrs Beamish. Shaking hands is fine. I've no problem with that and, in fact, I am more likely than a lot of people to shake hands with others when I am first introduced. It's a wee bit old-fashioned, but I think it's polite.

What I don't like is people I barely knowing hugging me. Please, do you really have to pounce on me and pull me into an embrace when we are sharing the peace during communion? Really, you don't. I don't even know your surname and you are invading my personal space (NB I am trying not to use upper case here, as I do want to shout this).

When did hugging become so common? And with people who barely know one another. Who don't know if the person they are forcing (and I do mean it as strongly as that) into a situation they find exceptionally uncomfortable. Shaking hands can be a sincere, warm sign of affection but still maintains the dignity of the person you are shaking hands with. It's very unlikely people will feel uncomfortable with hand shaking across ages, genders and sexes. Lunging in for the hug when a hand shake ifs offered is just bad manners in my book as it has put me in an awkward and difficult situation, as I don't want to offend, but I don't want to hug either.

No offense, but don't hug me. Not unless you really know me (though if you read this, you know a lot about me). Then again, if you knew me, you would know I'm not a hugger, feel uncomfortable hugging in general and would respect that. Imposing your hugging on someone who isn't tactile and you don't know them well enough to even know that just isn't.

Besides, we're sharing the peace during communion. That's supposed to be for all in the group. So, by hugging some people and only shaking hands with others (or ignoring them all together), what kind of signal are you sending out? The peace is bigger and better for those I know and like, but everyone else can get the insincere version? At least I go for equality by treating everyone the same in the peace sharing. Okay, it's driven by my personality, but surely it's a good skill for a trainee minister?

Bread and wine

It was communion at my home church at the weekend. It's funny, but over the last 3 years, I have had communion probably more times than the previous 10, due to young church commitments among others. Maybe that's why there were some things which struck me on Sunday which I hadn't noticed or thought about before.

Oh, where to start? Lets begin with the bread and wine. Did I read anywhere in the bible of grape juice or (worse) blackcurrant cordial being used in the last supper? No can't recall that at all. So why oh why do churches do this? Non-alcoholic wine for those who are stanch "don't drink and drink" people I can just about understand, but unless they are a lightweight like my Mum, the half-full thimble isn't going to cause issues. I also know there's an argument that having grape juice opens up communion to former alcoholics, but to my knowledge they tend to avoid communion for this reason. That rational would only work if the fact grape juice was used was common knowledge.

And, as for the thimbles. I thought communion was symbolic of God's love poured out for us through the death and resurrection of Jesus? A love which is beyond measure. But this is the Church of Scotland and, well, we can't have extravagance. So, we generally use wee thimbles for communion which are half-full. It's such a generous symbol.

Now, since Spot and I began baking our own bread and rolls, I have become a bit of a bread snob. There's nothing like tasty bread, fresh from the oven. Unfortunately, the bread offered for communion on Sunday was nothing like that. Don't get me wrong, I don't expect the person responsible for bringing the bread to bake bread, but to be confronted with a plate of slightly stale (when was this cut?) of horrible white bread cut into 1cm squares. To make matters worse, the minister used a lovely (could have been homemade) unsliced, wholemeal loaf when blessing the elements and to pass among the elders. So, lets get this right, the elders on communion duty get the good stuff and the plebs in the pews get the poor substitute. Okay, it's only symbolic, but it doesn't look good when the elders look to begin treated differently from the rest of the congregation. And yet again, the symbol of the outpouring of God's love in stale bread.

Oh, and while I am here, why do the elders get communion first? Is it my church or the norm? If elders are supposed to lead by example, to be servants first, should the plebs on the pews not be served first? Or is there a theological rational behind the practice?

As I said at the start of this post, I've had more experience of communion these last 3 years. Most of those times, I have really felt something different in the atmosphere - a deep and genuine feeling of Jesus' presence in the sacrament. When that's happened, it's been when the group has shared the meal. The common cup and bread. We have served each other and all been served. I don't feel Jesus presence the same way when communion is handed out by the elders with dour faces. But maybe that's just me!

So, when I get into ministry (God willing) everyone is going to get the same type of bread. Spot or I will try to bake it. As for the wine, well, we do make our own. But there is no way it will ever be blackcurrant cordial!