I can sleep through almost anything. It is a great gift I have and one which has been admired by varying people throughout my lifetime. So, being woken by Spot at 1:30am (yes, in the morning) was not a good sign. Firstly, things were not good, secondly, I did so with disturbing ease. This means, somewhere deep, deep in my sub-conscious I knew there was something SERIOUSLY wrong. You can read Spot's version of events here.
Suffice to say, when he headed off with the ambulance crew to the local A&E, though I went to bed I did not sleep very well. There was the combination of fear, adrenaline (which is brown) and concern that, despite having my phone and the landline handset right next to my left ear, I would sleep through the phone if it rang.
So, Friday was a bit odd. Phoned Spot's work to let them know he wouldn't be coming in. They were shocked (not as much as I was love!). He phoned and let me know which ward he was in (cardiac care!) and gave me strict instructions to carry on as normal. Given how 'normal' life is in the Gerbil household, that gave plenty of flexibility.
A haircut was booked, and there is something unnerving about waiting for a phone call at anytime while discussing first homes, the weather and the forthcoming local gala.
At some point in the morning, I had contacted Laura (my soon-to-be boss), as there was a final prep meeting for those of us heading to Malawi - I may not have made it. She was sooo supportive. Yes, she was heading into the hospital to do the rounds, but visited Spot too. I was very impressed.
When I went into see Spot, there was a trashy romance novel on the table. That was all the 'literature' which was available in CCU. We had a discussion about getting a better range of fiction for the ward at some time in the future. I think I would have struggled to read that more than he did (I had brought Game of Thrones with me for him).
The medical staff I met were lovely. Genuinely caring, informative and just, professional. I know this shouldn't come as a surprise, but this has been a hospital which has had a bit of a kicking from the local press - but you never hear the good stories.
There is something surreal about being talked through what's going on by Dr Noh - who was lovely, but I expected him to tell Spot 'no, I expect you to die, Mr Gerbil!'. Then a Peter Capaldi look-a-like also came in (that was one of those moments of 'I know you from somewhere', then the realisation of no, you just look like a famous person).
After 2.5 hours of visiting, I headed off to Airside Kirk for the stuff I needed to do there. Nothing I could do at the hospital, so might as well get on with life. It was actually a good laugh and I feel part of the group. The danger, though everyone would have so understood was I would 'remain' an outsider if I had not got there. As the law of sods would be, Spot phoned just as dinner was about to be served, but picking him up from the hospital was more of a priority.
It was good to have him home. It was one hell of a scare and did, in a very real way, highlighted just how important pastoral care for the nearest and dearest is. In some ways, it was worse - just waiting and being in a position where there was nothing which I could do. Spot was getting tests and a whole host of nurses running after him, while I waited for the phone to ring. Not a lesson I wanted to learn first hand, but certainly one I will be very much bearing in mind.
And am I still going to Malawi on Thursday? Yes. There's a whole load of reasons why I have to go, but mainly life goes on (not to say that it would probably distress Spot if he 'stopped' me going). I know we have been looked after, on many, many levels so far, so I'll trust that God will continue his care.
Showing posts with label pastoral care. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pastoral care. Show all posts
Sunday, 22 June 2014
Monday, 18 November 2013
Back at the Big Kirk
So, the process of picking up some ministry training stuff I haven't covered under supervision began the other day. I met with my new supervisor, who is lovely and genuinely supportive. They even do what they say they'll do. It was actually really useful to have someone to reflect on events of the last couple of weeks with. Proving what I've been saying for a while - that doing really difficult pastoral stuff or things for the first time without supervision can be harder than with.
It's funny how things turn out. I think it's important I get to worship at the Big Kirk occasionally, so the congregation gets to at least know the face, if not a bit of the personality. Then, when I pitch up at their door, they don't wonder who on earth I am. If I was at Quarry Kirk ever Sunday, that wouldn't be possible, but I get a Sunday 'off' on the third Sunday of the month. So, that's when I'll be heading to the Big Kirk. Might not be frequently enough. I might have taken on too much. Time will tell.
As this was my sanity space during placement at Caledonia Kirk, there are some of the congregation who know me. At least I'm not starting from having to work out who everyone is! Of those, and a reasonable few who I only met yesterday, I received a good bit of support and a warm welcome. Though the formality there can be a touch on the OTT side, I can live. At least here I can work out where in the service we are!
I'm looking forward to this opportunity now. Hopefully I can do this and study and support Quarry Kirk. If it all gets too much, unfortunately, Quarry Kirk will have to be let down. I don't want it to come to that, as they need a bit of TLC and consistency. Suppose it's not really my problem, but I feel a sense of responsibility to them.
It's funny how things turn out. I think it's important I get to worship at the Big Kirk occasionally, so the congregation gets to at least know the face, if not a bit of the personality. Then, when I pitch up at their door, they don't wonder who on earth I am. If I was at Quarry Kirk ever Sunday, that wouldn't be possible, but I get a Sunday 'off' on the third Sunday of the month. So, that's when I'll be heading to the Big Kirk. Might not be frequently enough. I might have taken on too much. Time will tell.
As this was my sanity space during placement at Caledonia Kirk, there are some of the congregation who know me. At least I'm not starting from having to work out who everyone is! Of those, and a reasonable few who I only met yesterday, I received a good bit of support and a warm welcome. Though the formality there can be a touch on the OTT side, I can live. At least here I can work out where in the service we are!
I'm looking forward to this opportunity now. Hopefully I can do this and study and support Quarry Kirk. If it all gets too much, unfortunately, Quarry Kirk will have to be let down. I don't want it to come to that, as they need a bit of TLC and consistency. Suppose it's not really my problem, but I feel a sense of responsibility to them.
Wednesday, 31 July 2013
Setting down other's burdens
Part of the 'deal' doing this work experience is, in addition to Sunday worship, also offer pastoral care. I must admit, I struggle with the definition of pastoral care, but that's probably a post for another time.
Apart from 1 attempted visit, I have been welcomed into people's homes with great grace and hospitality. As time has gone on, I may not have instantly recognised the names on a piece of paper, but knew some as soon as they opened the door. It has been a good way to build up relatioships and get to know the congregations better (which is made difficult with the lack of fellowship here - e.g. no teas after the service).
I do realise that some of these visits have been very emotionally draining. Without going into details, yesterday I had an 'interesting' time. Once I returned from a couple of visits I was wore out.
Which got me thinking, and Spot and I talked about it later that evening. Where, in parishes like this could I go to discuss these matters? In a urban or semi-rural setting, there's a reasonable likelyhood there would be a minister - a colleague - nearby with whom I could have a blether and we could both (or maybe as a larger group) offer each other support. Sort of pastoral support for pastors.
Here, the neighbouring parishes are miles away and I wonder how minister here get mutual support from one another (or an I being naive, and it doesn't really go on anyway?). I suppose, what I am really saying is I need to work through how I deal with all this 'stuff' which will come my way, that it doesn't burden me down to such an extent that I burn out. Definitely something I need to think about and work out.
Apart from 1 attempted visit, I have been welcomed into people's homes with great grace and hospitality. As time has gone on, I may not have instantly recognised the names on a piece of paper, but knew some as soon as they opened the door. It has been a good way to build up relatioships and get to know the congregations better (which is made difficult with the lack of fellowship here - e.g. no teas after the service).
I do realise that some of these visits have been very emotionally draining. Without going into details, yesterday I had an 'interesting' time. Once I returned from a couple of visits I was wore out.
Which got me thinking, and Spot and I talked about it later that evening. Where, in parishes like this could I go to discuss these matters? In a urban or semi-rural setting, there's a reasonable likelyhood there would be a minister - a colleague - nearby with whom I could have a blether and we could both (or maybe as a larger group) offer each other support. Sort of pastoral support for pastors.
Here, the neighbouring parishes are miles away and I wonder how minister here get mutual support from one another (or an I being naive, and it doesn't really go on anyway?). I suppose, what I am really saying is I need to work through how I deal with all this 'stuff' which will come my way, that it doesn't burden me down to such an extent that I burn out. Definitely something I need to think about and work out.
Monday, 30 July 2012
Death in the parish
There's a business in a parish where a member of staff has suddenly died.The workplace is a close knit band of colleagues and deceased was well respected and loved by their colleagues and the customers of the business. Though many of the staff may not actually live in the parish, the majority of their week is spent in the parish at work.
So, what do you do as a minister of that parish? Do you regard them as part of the parish, as they spend most of their waking week there or not? Do you visit the business to offer pastoral support (or get the pastoral care team to do so, where one exists)? Or do you just not bother unless you are asked to do the funeral?
I know what I'd like to do. I would see those people as much part of the parish as those who live in it. I would offer my services. They wouldn't have to take it and I would respect that, but I think it is important the church goes where it is needed and, in circumstances such as this. For isn't that what the church is called to do?
So, what do you do as a minister of that parish? Do you regard them as part of the parish, as they spend most of their waking week there or not? Do you visit the business to offer pastoral support (or get the pastoral care team to do so, where one exists)? Or do you just not bother unless you are asked to do the funeral?
I know what I'd like to do. I would see those people as much part of the parish as those who live in it. I would offer my services. They wouldn't have to take it and I would respect that, but I think it is important the church goes where it is needed and, in circumstances such as this. For isn't that what the church is called to do?
Monday, 30 April 2012
What is pastoral care?
The title of this post may seem a bit strange, but it's something I've been wondering since filling in my self-appraisal form for this placement. In the section about pastoral care, I had little to write. My formal pastoral encounters had all been during my supervisor's vestry time and they had mainly (though not all) had been people wanted married or their children baptised, so nothing really difficult. Also, I was never allowed to go alone, resulting in me being an observer, rather than actually offering pastoral care.
On my form I wanted to put things about having coffee with members of the congregation after the service, and various other similar 'in passing' type encounters. This was 'negotiated' off my form, as my supervisor does not regard those as pastoral care.
So, where does a conversation about the weather which develops into a person divulging some very deep painful things, because they are talking to the 'minister' become pastoral. I know my thoughts on this and, from talking to others, it seems the 'in passing' can be the door to something deeper - for both sides.
I know there are some at Eagleside who have appreciated me taking time to listen and support them, and they have expressed this. So, have I sold myself sort in the form? Perhaps not. After all, my supervisor did not observe these conversations, merely was aware I stayed for tea after the service. I suppose it's a different approach to pastoral care I have and I now think the benefits of doing what I do naturally - drink tea and listen, with a side portion of knowing a lot of randomness, builds relationships, breaks down barriers and opens the pathway for me to walk with people in their journey through life, as a representative of Christ's church.
On my form I wanted to put things about having coffee with members of the congregation after the service, and various other similar 'in passing' type encounters. This was 'negotiated' off my form, as my supervisor does not regard those as pastoral care.
So, where does a conversation about the weather which develops into a person divulging some very deep painful things, because they are talking to the 'minister' become pastoral. I know my thoughts on this and, from talking to others, it seems the 'in passing' can be the door to something deeper - for both sides.
I know there are some at Eagleside who have appreciated me taking time to listen and support them, and they have expressed this. So, have I sold myself sort in the form? Perhaps not. After all, my supervisor did not observe these conversations, merely was aware I stayed for tea after the service. I suppose it's a different approach to pastoral care I have and I now think the benefits of doing what I do naturally - drink tea and listen, with a side portion of knowing a lot of randomness, builds relationships, breaks down barriers and opens the pathway for me to walk with people in their journey through life, as a representative of Christ's church.
Tuesday, 13 March 2012
On the phone
Eagleside has a phone ministry and on Sunday a member of the phone ministry team told the congregation about it. (Which in itself I thought was a great idea - how often do churches start new things, which become successful, but they don't think to tell the congregation about it or how it's developing. I know it's maybe not a part of worship, but when is a good time?). The phone ministry is to replace the traditional quarterly elder visiting of members of the congregation, which is especially helpful in a gathered congregation.
As this was a toe in the water (I believe), members of the congregation were invited to sign up for a phone call rather than visit. The take up seems pretty reasonable and feedback good to. I know I would prefer a phone call to a visit - I don't have to tidy the house or feel I have to tidy myself. It also saves time; if the person isn't in (or answering their phone), it's not a wasted journey. The people in the phone ministry team were recruited for their communication skills and given training on phone pastoral care, so the support for them has been good to.
This does not mean to say no visits will take place. People who have signed up for this can ask for a visit or a visit can be suggested to them. It may even be the case a visit is made on the back of the call.
I think this is a great way of offering additional pastoral care to a gathered congregation (which many are these days). The support to the congregation that visits will still take place has to be there, as does appropriate training and support for those undertaking the ministry.
As a little side bar, I wonder if there are many Christians who have call centre experience who wonder how that skill could be used for the church. They already are great communicators over the phone, so here's a way they could use a skill they didn't even maybe realise they had nor thought would be useful to God.
As this was a toe in the water (I believe), members of the congregation were invited to sign up for a phone call rather than visit. The take up seems pretty reasonable and feedback good to. I know I would prefer a phone call to a visit - I don't have to tidy the house or feel I have to tidy myself. It also saves time; if the person isn't in (or answering their phone), it's not a wasted journey. The people in the phone ministry team were recruited for their communication skills and given training on phone pastoral care, so the support for them has been good to.
This does not mean to say no visits will take place. People who have signed up for this can ask for a visit or a visit can be suggested to them. It may even be the case a visit is made on the back of the call.
I think this is a great way of offering additional pastoral care to a gathered congregation (which many are these days). The support to the congregation that visits will still take place has to be there, as does appropriate training and support for those undertaking the ministry.
As a little side bar, I wonder if there are many Christians who have call centre experience who wonder how that skill could be used for the church. They already are great communicators over the phone, so here's a way they could use a skill they didn't even maybe realise they had nor thought would be useful to God.
Sunday, 31 October 2010
Do you believe in angels?
There's the angel who asked if I'd visited the lady who gave me her crystal bowl
So yesterday, I finally got round to it. I know, it's been months and I don't really have an excuse. Just not making the effort, quite frankly.
The crystal bowl lady is very ill and scared by her illness. It's understandable given it's nature.
I arrived and was shown through to her. She was taken aback to see me - not because she didn't know me, but she wasn't expecting me!
I stayed and chatted for 2 and a half hours. It didn't feel that long at all. During that time, 3 or 4 members of staff commented how she looked much better, as did her friend who'd arrived as I was leaving.
So, does that also make me an angel? For spending time with someone I care for, brightening her day and making her feel better?
I believe in angels, as messengers from God. Sent in various disguises. Sent when we need comfort or guidance or affirmation. Yesterday, through different people, I experienced all of those angels.
And God was there with us.
So yesterday, I finally got round to it. I know, it's been months and I don't really have an excuse. Just not making the effort, quite frankly.
The crystal bowl lady is very ill and scared by her illness. It's understandable given it's nature.
I arrived and was shown through to her. She was taken aback to see me - not because she didn't know me, but she wasn't expecting me!
I stayed and chatted for 2 and a half hours. It didn't feel that long at all. During that time, 3 or 4 members of staff commented how she looked much better, as did her friend who'd arrived as I was leaving.
So, does that also make me an angel? For spending time with someone I care for, brightening her day and making her feel better?
I believe in angels, as messengers from God. Sent in various disguises. Sent when we need comfort or guidance or affirmation. Yesterday, through different people, I experienced all of those angels.
And God was there with us.
Monday, 30 November 2009
Random thoughts from yesterday
Yesterday was, from my prospective, quite an interesting day in terms of what I did and observed and others reactions to me.
One of the ladies I visited the other week was at my placement church. It was great to see her, but that wasn't why seeing her was special - no, it was her genuinely being pleased to see me. We hugged (which isn't like me at all) and, although not much more than the pleasantries were exchanged verbally, much more went on in our exchange which could be put into words.
During the service I was leading the children's address. It was pretty much me telling a story and linking it to the message - bad things happen that can't be explained, but whatever is happening in your life try to do good things. I wasn't sure how well it had went down as it was quite a "big" topic and pretty deep theology even for me (because I'm just soo experienced!). I knew my delivery was okay, but I wasn't too sure how it had gone, in terms of the message. After the service 2 people commented how much they'd enjoyed my address. That gave me a real lift and reassured me I was on the right track.
After the service I had a brief meeting with my assessor to go over my order of service. She told me the themes for Advent and apologised for not giving me them before - I told her I should have asked. She gave me some advice for the children's hymn. It's one I'm not familiar with, but the children at my placement church apparently really like it and, given the words, it ties in with the theme of my children's address. On the back of the meeting I've changed a couple of the hymns and chosen a couple of backups, in case.
My placement church holds an annual bereavement service and that was yesterday afternoon. All families and friends of those of the church and parish which my assessor has conducted their funeral service over the last year are invited. It's a short service with 3 hymns, a couple of readings, prayers and a reflection. During the service the bereaved are invited to place a tag (which they were given when they came in) with a message or the name of their loved one on budded branches which will be kept in the church until mid-January. I thought this was a great bit of symbolism, especially as apparently the buds usually are in leave by the time the display is removed.
After the act of worship, light refreshments were served. I noticed the bereaved person I had visited. I sat with them and another couple after the service. I was really nice to see the person I had visited and see how he was getting on, now the shock was wearing off.
So, what did yesterday show me? What I hope it's shown me is my nature allows me the privilege of being able to be there for people when they really need someone. To, through my actions and words, show God's love to those who need it most and, hopefully, draw them nearer to God. That is what I am called to do and why God has called me.
One of the ladies I visited the other week was at my placement church. It was great to see her, but that wasn't why seeing her was special - no, it was her genuinely being pleased to see me. We hugged (which isn't like me at all) and, although not much more than the pleasantries were exchanged verbally, much more went on in our exchange which could be put into words.
During the service I was leading the children's address. It was pretty much me telling a story and linking it to the message - bad things happen that can't be explained, but whatever is happening in your life try to do good things. I wasn't sure how well it had went down as it was quite a "big" topic and pretty deep theology even for me (because I'm just soo experienced!). I knew my delivery was okay, but I wasn't too sure how it had gone, in terms of the message. After the service 2 people commented how much they'd enjoyed my address. That gave me a real lift and reassured me I was on the right track.
After the service I had a brief meeting with my assessor to go over my order of service. She told me the themes for Advent and apologised for not giving me them before - I told her I should have asked. She gave me some advice for the children's hymn. It's one I'm not familiar with, but the children at my placement church apparently really like it and, given the words, it ties in with the theme of my children's address. On the back of the meeting I've changed a couple of the hymns and chosen a couple of backups, in case.
My placement church holds an annual bereavement service and that was yesterday afternoon. All families and friends of those of the church and parish which my assessor has conducted their funeral service over the last year are invited. It's a short service with 3 hymns, a couple of readings, prayers and a reflection. During the service the bereaved are invited to place a tag (which they were given when they came in) with a message or the name of their loved one on budded branches which will be kept in the church until mid-January. I thought this was a great bit of symbolism, especially as apparently the buds usually are in leave by the time the display is removed.
After the act of worship, light refreshments were served. I noticed the bereaved person I had visited. I sat with them and another couple after the service. I was really nice to see the person I had visited and see how he was getting on, now the shock was wearing off.
So, what did yesterday show me? What I hope it's shown me is my nature allows me the privilege of being able to be there for people when they really need someone. To, through my actions and words, show God's love to those who need it most and, hopefully, draw them nearer to God. That is what I am called to do and why God has called me.
Saturday, 21 November 2009
Hospital visits follow-up
Following on from Monday's hospital visits, with my assessor, I visited the people we had visited on my own during the week.
The first lady I had spoken to at my placement church, so I had met her. She was the lady who told me I had a good voice and put feeling into what I say (here). She looked much better than Monday and we chatted well - actually, mainly she chatted and I listened. Her husband turned up once I'd bee there for 20 minutes or so. I tired to make my leave then, to give them space, but they insisted I stay. I seemed they really appreciated my visit and company.
The other lady I hadn't met before Monday, as she's been very ill. Again, my visit with her went well. Although she was tired, she was positive and chatty (again, her chatting and me listening). I made my leave when her meal came round. She thanked me for coming and I think she really appreciated my visit.
So, things I have learnt from these visits:
The first lady I had spoken to at my placement church, so I had met her. She was the lady who told me I had a good voice and put feeling into what I say (here). She looked much better than Monday and we chatted well - actually, mainly she chatted and I listened. Her husband turned up once I'd bee there for 20 minutes or so. I tired to make my leave then, to give them space, but they insisted I stay. I seemed they really appreciated my visit and company.
The other lady I hadn't met before Monday, as she's been very ill. Again, my visit with her went well. Although she was tired, she was positive and chatty (again, her chatting and me listening). I made my leave when her meal came round. She thanked me for coming and I think she really appreciated my visit.
So, things I have learnt from these visits:
- I can interact (I use that word because I was listened more than talking - an important distinction) with a range of people in a range of situations.
- I get on with people.
- I have a reasonable range of life experience I can bring to conversations. Also, with that experience I can empathise with people more.
- I need to learn how to "get away". I'm not meaning this negatively, I really enjoyed visiting the people I visited over the week. When I visited I gave myself plenty time. Sometimes, I will need to get away and I need to make sure I do it appropriately. I'm sure I did during these visits, but I need to be aware of this.
Tuesday, 17 November 2009
Pastoral care
I didn't know what to expect, but the pastoral care meeting last night wasn't it. The pastoral care visitors met my assessor, 3-4 times per year to tell her how the people they visit are. My assessor reads down the list of those visited and asks the appropriate visitor for information. Not all the visitors verbally pass on information, as during the meeting index cards for all those visited are filled in by their respective visitors, from little note books the visitors have. This appears to be the record of visits.
During the meeting, it became clear the elders still have district and visit members within that. So, that left me wondering, why have pastoral visitors, if the elders are performing that duty too. Surely that's double handling? I'm not saying the church shouldn't visit - far from it - but perhaps handing over the pastoral visits wholly to the care team would free up the elders for other duties. I also think I was expecting to hear a bit more about other pastoral care, for example post-funeral visits. This didn't come up at all during the meeting.
Just some of my random thoughts, as I'm confused where the pastoral care teams duties end and the elders begin.
After the meeting my assessor and I headed up to visit a couple of members of the congregation in hospital. I went along with her this time, as I hadn't met (or didn't think I had met) either of them. Later this week I'll visit them on my own.
The visits went well, though my assessor did most of the talking. I just watched and chipped in when appropriate. At least the two people now know who I am and it won't be as daunting when I visit myself.
During the meeting, it became clear the elders still have district and visit members within that. So, that left me wondering, why have pastoral visitors, if the elders are performing that duty too. Surely that's double handling? I'm not saying the church shouldn't visit - far from it - but perhaps handing over the pastoral visits wholly to the care team would free up the elders for other duties. I also think I was expecting to hear a bit more about other pastoral care, for example post-funeral visits. This didn't come up at all during the meeting.
Just some of my random thoughts, as I'm confused where the pastoral care teams duties end and the elders begin.
After the meeting my assessor and I headed up to visit a couple of members of the congregation in hospital. I went along with her this time, as I hadn't met (or didn't think I had met) either of them. Later this week I'll visit them on my own.
The visits went well, though my assessor did most of the talking. I just watched and chipped in when appropriate. At least the two people now know who I am and it won't be as daunting when I visit myself.
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