Probation search - the next stage

Back in May I began my search for where I will do probation (details of which can be found here, here and here - I actually never did get round to actually visiting number 4). Then, at the end of October had my second meeting with Ministries Council reps, where I discussed how my search had gone and where I would like to go.

The order was Airside Kirk (a clear first), Crossview Church (where I would be happy enough going), Causeway Church (a bit too posh for me and very difficult to get to) and Bridge Kirk. I gave my rational for the order. While there was a potential stumbling block for Airside, it was nothing major. We were told we'd begin to hear where we may go towards the end of November, beginning of December.

So, I didn't think about it really for about a month. Chasing up when you've already been told how long it will take is a bit rude, IMHO (though I hear some did). Then, at the end of November I had an email saying my number 2 couldn't take a probationer next year, should they approach my number 4! To be fair, when I got in touch and asked about my number 1, they realised their mistake and apologised. Maybe it was just as well my number 2 (sorry, sounds a bit too much like I am about to go to the toilet) couldn't take me, as that could have been awkward!

I must admit the news did get to me a wee bit. These things happen, but along side everything else that's going on - but onwards and upwards.

Must to my relief, I received an email for 121 the other day. My number 1 is happy to meet with me to discuss the possibility of me serving my probation at Airside Kirk. Due to our varying commitments, it won't be till after Christmas, but even on the phone I thought "I could work with this person." Things are starting to look positive. Yes, there are no guarantees at this stage - we may meet and decide that there's no way on this earth we can work together - but it's definitely a step in the right direction.

To a degree

The provisional results for my honours classes (aka, the ones which count towards my degree classification) are out. There in line with what I was expecting, which is good. They won't be confirmed till after they have been externally verified, come June time, though I don't see them changing too much.

I definitely seem to be doing better than this time last time round. Maybe I'm older (and wiser?); maybe I've more accumulated knowledge, which sort of helps; maybe it's I'm working hard. Or maybe it's a combination of all three. Must admit, in the scheme of things I don't see my specific results as that important, more what I'm learning.

I'm learning how to examine details, draw opinions, present a case and develop an argument. I'm getting exposed to a range of theologies, giving me the tools to engage and explain things to others in a way I couldn't otherwise.

And occasionally I find ways of discussing beer in an academic context...how dock porters drunk a lot as the only way to get enough calories down their neck quickly and cheaply. Who'd have thought that knowledge would be useful in a divinity degree???

When it comes to the degree I'm honestly not too bothered what classification I get. It was a Desmond last time round (a 2:2), so that would be fine. I don't think a degree classification would (not should) define me as a minister, but who I am and how I use the education I have been given. After all, some of the brainiest people I know have few social skills or empathy.

I suppose what I am trying to say is this is all part of the package. There's a symbiosis between the practical and the academic  training. And that should last all the way through my ministry, though very much grounded in what I do during these degree years. They'll make a theologian of me yet!!!

In the right direction

As it turns out, placements should have been discussed at my ministries council meeting in a bit more detail than they were (i.e. just that I would do 4, including probation, in total). It wasn't on the agenda, so was missed. Oops.

I've managed to find out who does take candidates in my area, finally. There is one which may be a possibility for probation, so I've deliberately not went with it. Better to keep my powder dry on that one.

My first choice for placement is about as "High Kirk" as I can get in my area. There are also other "issues" I am aware of (which I cannot mention here) at that church which will make it a good place to learn, even if I would never want to minister there!

My second choice I don't know as well. I believe it's a wee bit more happy clappy than I am used to and has a praise band (which I am not, generally, a fan of). As it's a bit of an unknown entity, I would be going there with a very open mind. I know I would learn there (I know I would at any placement), but feel the other church would be much more beneficial for my future ministry.

Now, I just need to wait to see if my first choice would be prepared to take me. I understand having a student is a lot of work and they may not be in a position to.

I also know, if they can't take me and I go to my second choice, God is sending me there for a reason. Everything happens for a reason.

On a selfish note, Spot and I will not need to head in different directions on a Sunday morning. That's not to say that wasn't insurmountable, but it's a lot more convenient. I don't want to make a rod for my back between placements and study.

Hopefully, I'll know where I am going by the end of this week, beginning of next. One less thing to cover at conference. Yeah!

More thoughts on placements

I know I may not get a choice where I go for my first placement. It seems from speaking to members of my presbytery, most of the ministers who take candidates are full-booked.

One of the places which takes candidates I don't think I would go into with an open mind. I have been told candidates who have gone there learnt a lot. The trouble, and I know it is my problem, is lack of open-mindedness. A similar church I wasn't familiar with would be a great learning experience for me, but I would be going there with no pre-conceived ideas of what it would be like. Moreover, nor would some members of the congregation have them of me.

I have also been looking at churches outwith my presbytery. Not so much as knowing whether they take candidates, but more to get an idea for other types of church. Through looking at these, I think I have more of an idea what areas of parish ministry I'd like to experience and learn from. They almost certainly will be outwith my comfort zones. Great. That's where I need to go, so I can increase my "ministry fitness". Only by stretching myself will I really find out what type of minister I will be and will I learn who I truly am.

One thing I have been reflecting on recently was my first co-ordinated field assessment placement. Although there where issues there, I didn't start off with the right mind set. I initially went in with the attitude of having to endure the placement. That is until that attitude blew up in my face. Consequently, I had to undergo another period of co-ordinated field assessment.

So, why am I mentioning this now? Well, I realise two things from that experience:

1. Placements aren't there to be endured. They are learning experiences. Whether good or bad experiences, there should be something to learn, even if it's knowing how not to do something.
2. Where a call is truly from God, as much as I may have (initially) wanted to fail, he will not allow it.

So, as with this journey so far, God is guiding me. He is sending me where I need to go to grow into the type of minister he needs me to be. Now, that's pretty cool.

Starting to get real

A number of people have mentioned I must be getting excited about starting my training. In some ways, I am. After all this waiting, I'll be taking the next step in my journey with God. But, I don't know if excited is really the right word.

I suppose latterly, things have hit me. It's not that I didn't expect the changes I will go through, I'm not that naive, it's just they are happening and I am experiencing them.

There's the members of my home church starting to wish me the best, in case they don't see me before I head off.

There's my minister being concerned they won't see me. Although for a while during the selection process I wasn't at my home church for the Sunday service, she saw me at youth club and Spot was around. That will no longer be the case. She's also a friend of mine, so I'll make the effort to keep in touch.

There's starting uni, again. All the new things I need to do and learn. The hope I'll be good enough. The hope that I'll "fit-in". The hope I won't overcompensate my introverted nature, as I sometime can.

The beginning of conference. I know it'll all be fine and I won't be the only nervous newbie. We're all in the same boat. I'm looking forward to meeting my fellow candidates and forging new friendships.

With all these things at the back of my mind, I'm all too aware this stuff is getting real. Backing out is not an option as I wouldn't want to be doing anything else. God knows me and knows this is exactly the right place for me.

Being self-centred?

I've been a bit "grrr" since my ministries council meeting, without any real excuse. I've been moaning about not knowing where I'm going to go, but that's rather narcissistic, self-centred and unfair on those who need to organise placements for all the candidates. As I have been reminded, it is a complex process and where I go isn't just based on my needs, but where would be able/prepared to take me.

Looking back at the meeting, my main bugbear was the ministry support officer (MSO) who chaired the meeting was not the MSO who will actually be my MSO. In the letter letting me know about the meeting, it was very much worded I was to make attendance my priority, as my presbytery rep and I did. Knowing the person I was talking to wasn't the person who would arrange my placement (necessarily), I didn't feel I could mention things outwith some vague learning outcomes I want to explore. The meeting didn't really lend itself to me coming out with "If possible, I would like to go to church X for Y reason".

I'm now starting to think it would be much easier for all concerned, especially at this stage, to just tell you where to go, as happened with extended enquiry/co-ordinated field assessment. As I said in my meeting, it's probably easier and quicker to list what I know than I don't, as I don't know much!

I suppose I just don't like this kind of uncertainty. Funny, I can decide to drive to Italy and back for a charity stunt and have no itinerary, route planned or any idea where I will stay. I think I need to adopt the same attitude with this as I did with that. And that was a lot of fun, but a story for another time.

Well, I pray I can just go with the flow. I can accept where I am sent with a open mind and happy heart. I know wherever I land up I will learn. I know from my 2 co-ordinated field assessments not all the experiences were positive, but I still have grown and learnt as a result of having been through them.

Thinking where to go

Shortly, I'll be attending meetings to start the ball rolling in my training. As part of my training towards the ministry of word and sacrament, I will undertake four placements.

• Two term-time placement from around the beginning October to end May. If I've got this right, they are a commitment of Sundays (so if the church does 2 service, I do two; if only 1, you get the picture) and two 3.5 hour sessions a week (why they can't say 7 hours is beyond me).
• One full-time 10 week placement. This is usually in the summer between first and second year (for those doing a 3 year degree), but can be between second and third year.
• Then, once study is finished with (is it ever?) there's a full-time 15 months probation period.

I do have a choice where I go for these placements, though there are practicalities over where they can be. Where I live, a term-time placement in the Glasgow area is not realistic. Or, a church I may have thought of may not be in a position to take trainees.


I know I  benefit from being gently stretched and taken out of my comfort zones. It helps me grow, stops me becoming stale and makes me think about things in a way I may not have. So, where to go?

For my first placement, I believe it's pretty much taken I do a "normal" parish placement (is there such a thing?). There's a church near where Spot will be doing his extended enquiry which takes trainees. From a practical point of view, this would be ideal, but is it a good choice for my learning? I don't know, as I don't really know the church anymore (I used to go to their youth club many, many moons ago).

As for summer placement. Well, if one person has mentioned going abroad to me, three or four have. Perhaps this is someone trying to say something. I must admit, to begin with wondering what all the fuss was about, but I'm coming round to the idea. The Church of Scotland outwith Scotland. That's an interesting conundrum.

As for language. Well, I know the Kirks in the presbytery of Europe conduct services in English. That's about all I have. I did French at school, but haven't used it for years. I have also studied Latin (which I have also forgotten) and New Testament Greek, but they aren't that helpful. There's also where to live and being away from Spot for 10 weeks.

I'm sure if these are experiences God wants me to have (and it's increasingly sounding like it) these things will all work out/be provided for. During my training I'm in the perfect situation to try things and go places I may never get to. How will that prepare me for ministry? I don't fully know, but I'm sure it'll all be useful.

I'm in

Finally, after a year of waiting and studying, Edinburgh have confirmed my place. No need for me to scream till I'm sick anymore!

I'm looking forward to it; to finally beginning the training I need to become a minister. Me?

So, now the paperwork (or form filling, I should days, as they're mainly online) starts, or funding and bursaries etc, etc. I love paperwork, it just gives me a warm glow inside thinking about it.

So, fellow Edinburgh students, see you in September. Fellow candidates, see you at the August conference.

What a difference a year makes...

As I head towards beginning training in September, I've been reflecting on what's been going on in the last year. It's just over a year since the Church of Scotland selected me as a candidate in training. I've had to defer for a year due to not having a university place. It's all worked out well, though.

Since then, I've studied New Testament Greek, Mark's gospel and Pastoral Care, through the centre for Christian Studies and Aberdeen University, done a little pulpit supply (mainly at my home churches) and taken redundancy. If I'd begun training last year, I would not have had the opportunity to do these things.

There's also the weather. This time last year, Spot and I had been away camping and the temperature was so cold, this happened:

Yes, snow in May. Not as impressive as the lump of ice from the water bottle:

And in politics, today is 1 year since the Conservative/Lib Dem coalition was formed. I think I gave the coalition 6 months, so it has lasted much longer than I expected. I do wonder, especially in light of last weeks election results, how the next year will pan out. I think it will be interesting to watch, just so long as the most vulnerable and overlooked in society get the help and support they need.

As for me, I'm glad I've had this year of waiting. Those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength. I have had to wait. I've enjoyed the things I have encountered due to having to wait. After all, it's 3 years since the National Gathering, which was the trigger for me following God's call. I know this waiting is God preparing me for the specific role he needs me to fulfil. I am convinced this waiting will allow me to go exactly where God needs me to be, once my training is complete, as the charge will only be available then. As I learn to trust God more and more, waiting is another opportunity to learn his will for me and follow his path.

I wonder what the next year will bring? Whatever it will be, I know it'll be an interesting journey and things will happen in ways none of us could have expected.

A little frustrating

Following on from the helpful comments ntkathchat's comments on my defer post, I contacted David Fergusson, the principle of New College at Edinburgh uni. He gave some good advice, which I followed-up, but Edinburgh is full for thew academic year 2010-2011. I even asked about starting as a part-time student and transferring, but again, no joy. Once I've started part-time I have to finish and that could take 8 years!!!

So, I started to have a re-think of which uni to go to. I had already ruled out Glasgow uni, due to the excessive travelling time and expense, but what about St Andrews uni? Looking at the travelling times and cost, it's just about doable. With that in mind, I contacted the admissions person for divinity to see if there are any places left.

Unfortunately, there aren't. Oh well, looks like I'm back to hoping a place comes up through clearing.. Failing that, I'll apply for start in academic year 2011-2012 as soon as applications open.

I'll all work out in the end, even though it is a little frustrating at the moment.