Glass half full

I tend to have a glass half full attitude. I know that sometimes doesn't come across here, but I try to be optimistic. I also have a nothing ventured, nothing gained sort of mentality.

Yes, I am away from home for the summer (again), but I look at the positives of gaining valuable experience and having the chance to live in a truly beautiful area.

I have been involved with many things, both before and since I began training for ministry, where the church meets people where they are, serving their needs and commecting with their lives. That may not have led to more 'bums on seats' on a Sunday morning, but that, for me, isn't the point. It's about taking the good news of God's love to people. It's about sowing seeds. How they will be received and grow will differ, but who will sow them if not us?

So, I get a bit twitchy when I constantly hear moaning that one church or another (usually, it's a small number who do all the hard work and the moaners have little or nothing to do with the poject in my experience) is doing this or that in the schools or through holiday clubs, but there are no more coming to church. I usually refer them to the parable of the sower. But I also womder if those in the communities those churches serve pick up on the pervailing attitude of the congregation and that puts them off. It certainly would put me off.

I know it takes a lot of effort and time and, in many cases, money even to do things outwith the church's walls or over and above the Sunday service. But does God not bless a cheerful giver? Will not God, in his own way and in his own time, feed and water those seeds, so they may grow in his light and love? A light and love that only his body - the church - can take into the world.

So, wherever I am called, I pray it's to a glass half full and give it a go sort of place. After all, that's who I am and I believe that's where God is calling me.

Long black boxes

I like to know how things work. I suppose it's the scientist in me though I've always been like this, since I can remember. I also like to look at the, for me, more interesting parts - the engine, the waterwheel, the grind stones - whatever powers the mechanism and makes the machine work.

So, here I was in St Giles cathedral, killing some time while waiting to meet a friend for lunch. It's a beautiful building, with so much which can bring you closer to God. It also has toilets.

And an amazing organ. Unfortunately, it wasn't being played. Definitely worth a visit when that's letting rip. I do like organ music, so I do.

As it wasn't being played, I went round the back for wee look. The second best thing about organ music is the pipes, aka long wooden boxes. I didn't expect the view behind the organ to be quite so lovely, though...

Stained glass reflecting on St Giles Organ

The light transformed long black boxes into something wonderful. Just as God's love reflected in us can turn all of us into something wonderful too. We just need to look behind the mask and into the dark places to really appreciate it, sometimes.

Love your neighbour as yourself

One of the greatest blessings I have in my life is Spot. He is a true gift from God. Before I found him, I didn't understand people when they talked of their soul mates and other halves. Now I do.

Through Spot's love and support I have grow and finally learned to love myself. I accept who I am (flawed as that is) and love myself. Now I love myself, I can put Jesus' commandment to love my neighbour as myself into practice. How could I love them when I did not really love myself?

Having a life-partner has brought huge rewards to me. Love, companionship, a shared life together. We don't agree on everything, but we accept, respect and love each other even in the disagreements.

I know having Spot in my life has allowed me to finally follow God's call to ministry. Yes, I still wonder if God's got it wrong, but have the self-belief that if God wants me to minister to his people, who am I to not follow (does that make sense?). I doubt I would have ever stepped out in faith without Spot's love and support. I know there are some who would criticise me for that, but God doesn't seem to have, given how blessed we have been since I began to follow his call.

There have been times when I was undertaking the various parts of the selection process where I was struggling, both with my sense of call (why me?) and things which were going on in the placements. Knowing I had someone at home who I could talk with or just chill-out with was one of the things which kept me going.

I know, once I am a minister, I will need my support networks more than ever. Obviously, I look to God first in all things, but I also know he has given me Spot as part of his support for me.

Now, that is a great and precious gift God has given me. Companionship, love, trust, the list goes on. If I truly love my neighbour as myself, I feel I would be a hypocrite to say to another that they cannot, not ever, have this type of relationship.

If a person makes that decision of their own free-will, fair enough. I have much respect for those who follow a celibate life and seem to thrive on it. But, I could never tell someone they should be single when I am not and am better for being with my soul-mate. What's good for the goose is good for the gander, so to speak.

We are all brothers and sisters

While listening to that debate at the General Assembly on Monday, I was impressed with the grace of those who spoke from all sides of the debate. I have to admit, I did not like the report making a distinction between two sides of the argument, as that pigeon holes people and is too simplistic a view.

I know, unlike many reports in the press, section 7b does not open the flood gates to those in leadership roles on the Church of Scotland being in same-sex relationships. It does, however, allow the theological implications of that position, if it were allowed, to be explored further and for that report to be presented to the 2013 General Assembly. Who knows, perhaps then a decision will be made not to allow ordination of people in same-sex relationships.

From a personal perspective, I was relieved at the decision taken. Hand on heart, I did not what my position would have been as someone about to begin their ministry of word and sacrament training, if at least a decision to further explore the issues was made. I say heart as that appears to contradict the scriptures. An interesting article which helped me with this was this one from Ben's blog.

At the moment, I am sad. Sad at the pain and struggle the GA's decision will cause to some of the Kirk's leaders, elders and members. Sad that some people have already decided to leave the Kirk as a result of Monday's decision. I would call for patience and grace from all sides at the moment and at least wait until the GA of 2013 to see what happens then.

At the end of the day, we all brothers and sisters in Christ and one through the Holy Spirit. When my family are in pain and sorrowing, I share its pain and sorrow. The same goes for my church family.

Let us stand together united in what brings us together. God's love through Christ. If we concentrate on that, I hope and pray, the Kirk will become stronger in Christ and, as such, will show the people of Scotland a better way to live.

Finding beauty close to home

Since finishing paid employment (for now), I have taken to going for a walk up the hill near my house. It's not very high, especially as I am definitely not starting from sea level, but it's a pleasant walk and, on a clear day, the views are well worth the effort.

It's 8 years since I moved to the town I live in. I have been up the hill a only couple of times (quite literally) since then. I don't think I'd really appreciated the area around the hill until yesterday. At the bottom of the hill is a local nature reserve and site of special scientific interest (SSSI). It's a former quarry, which has flooded and nature has taken back.

Trees reflected in disused quarry

And hasn't mother nature done a great job? There's reeds, brambles, wild raspberries, birch, sycamore, swans, heron and coots that I have seen during my walks. I've also heard blue tits, robins, blackbird and the occasional buzzard. There must also be toads, too. Yesterday the heron had caught one - a big one at that. Apparently, early in the morning roe deer can sometimes be spotted. All in all, not bad for a disused quarry next to a former mining town.

I haven't noticed this before as I hadn't opened my eyes to what was there, right in front of them. I hadn't walked by there. I'm glad I do now. I could sit in this little oasis of calm for hours, just listening to the birdsong and watching the goings on of the various animals which inhabit the area.

It also makes me think how often do we not visit areas, as we do not expect to see beauty in them? Or, we go somewhere else to experience beauty, calm and peace, rather than finding it close to home. Finding it with and in God. God who in in nature and in each and every one of us. God, who sent Jesus to die for us, so we may have life in all its fullness. Just as life has burst forth in this disused quarry.

Blessed following God's way

Over the last couple of years, serveral things have fallen into place, very conveniently. The details I can't really go into here, but they're all going to make Spot being the sole breadwinner much, much easier.

I say conveniently, but it's all part of God's plan, isn't it? I've struck out in faith to follow my calling and he's looking after me in many great and amazing ways. Not only looking after me, but Spot too. I couldn't do this without his love and support.

It's great. It's amazing. I'm so priviliged to be doing this and so blessed by God. But, and I know this is just me being negitive, there's just a wee nagging doubt the bottom is going to fall out of it all. Yeah, I know, I shouldn't worry and I'm not really. I suppose I'm thinking "the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away". All I have comes from God. It's his to do with as he wishes. I know he has/is blessing me. I know this is because I am following him in faith and love. Whatever happens, I know it will all be part of his plan for me. All part of my unique act of love he needs me to bring to the world.

Tired

It's not long until my last day at work. I have, quite deliberately, kept back a large chunk of leave so I don't have to work until the wire on 31 March.

Everyday, though, I am finding it harder and harder to be someone I am not. I am a people person who cares deeply about those around me - even those who don't like me. It's hard trying to get the work done well, so my colleagues don't have to fix my mistakes. It's also so those who dislike me don't get ammunition to shot me with even once I have left.

Just before I leave, I am going to "out" myself as a trainee minister. There are some who will not be up nor down about it. There are some who will be very positive about it (and perhaps may have already put two and two together). There are some, though, who will think it's the most preposterous thing they've heard. If they read the notice with a mouthful of coffee, I think their PC screen may wear it.

For me, it will be a release. I am looking forward to being able to tell people who I am. To be who I am. Called and loved by God, just as they are if they would only let him in. Maybe even those who I think would be negative about this remember things I have done - when I have spoken to the outcast from the group, for example - and realise I was doing those things to show God's love to those others reject.

Out of touch?

Sometimes, I wonder if the Church of Scotland is irrelevant to today's society. I'm not talking about faith and body of Christ the Kirk should be, but out of touch with the way of Christ. Where administrative burdens from government bodies (such as the Scottish Charity regulator) and 121 get in the way. And, potentially, unrestricted calls prevent growth of church communities due to lack of leadership change (I'll get back to this).

I have a couple of friends who would say this. They have had some bad experiences lately, which if they were the experiences I had had, I too would be anti-Church of Scotland.They encountered congregations and ministers who, frankly, didn't care. Who were more about intellectual faith than heart-felt faith. Who were more about being a middle-class social club than a called by God loving body of Christ's followers.

I wonder how many congregations are like this? Probably not that many. But anyones encounter with unloving churches, especially if searching for faith, will not help anyone - them, the congregation, the Kirk. Most importantly, it may stop that person ever having a personal relationship with God. That makes me very sad.

So, I wonder, does the general "unrestricted call" type tenure hinder growth in churches? I am playing a bit of devil's advocate here, but is it good for a congregation to be lead by the same minister for 30 years? It brings continuity, but is that at the detriment of growth? Possibly not. My gut instinct is it is a combination of the minister and congregation which makes the difference.

At the church I grew up in the minister was there for over 30 years. He was very well loved, not just by the congregation, but all in the parish and many in the presbytery. Why? Because he obviously had a very close relationship with God, trusted Christ and loved people deeply. I am where I am due to the grounding I had in that church, which was only possibly due to that minister's leadership.

I also know the Kirk is one of the largest providers on social care in Scotland through Crossreach. That is showing Christ's love in a very real way. But there are much, much more outreach the Kirk does which only those in the local community knows about. The Kirk doesn't brag about it. That would be very un-Scottish, un-Presbyterian. Perhaps that's why those outside those communities don't see what's going on.

For me, the Kirk - the national Church of Scotland - is my church. I know it's not perfect, but if I ever found the perfect church I'd leave as I would spoil it. I know the kirk has become overgrown and needs trimmed down. That is going on. But, like all good gardeners, God leaves and feeds the fruitful branches. He trims the bush in such a way that new shoots of His love will spring from the plant. The plant which will never be consumed.

A church in crisis?

Given the very positive response the sermon I have used for the last couple of weeks has received, and it's relevance, Spot has suggested I post it here. As always, comments are welcome. It's based on Joel 2: 23-32 and Luke 18: 9-14.


The church in Scotland, and I don't just mean the Church of Scotland, is in crisis. Membership and attendance is falling.

Buildings are closing.

Unions and linkages are taking place.

And look around...none of us are getting any younger.

What's to be done? At this years general assembly the decision was made to cut the number of full-time ministry posts – ministers, deacons and the like – by 300 in 5 years time.

Its very doom and gloom.

Where are the prophetic voices? And, frankly, does anyone in mainstream society really care about the church or have they all moved onto others things and see the church as irrelevant and out of date?

The good news is, all of this has happened before.

When Joel was prophesying, most of the Jewish people had been exiled Babylon. There had also been a famine caused by swarming locusts eating their crops, forcing many more of the Jewish people away from the promised land to seek work and food.

Time and time again, God's chosen people had turned from God – they had failed to honour God, to look after the poor and foreigner and follow God's law.

Throughout all this God's prophets had been telling them to turn from their wrongdoing, their greed and self-righteousness - their love of power and wealth - and follow God's law.

But they didn't listen. They didn't want to as that would have meant giving up what they had worked for – their fields and homes. Why should they help those without? Isn't another's poverty or illness God punishment for past sin - either them or their parents? Besides, why should the rich give to the poor? They haven't worked for it after all?

So, the exile began. God's punishment on his people for not observing his law. For not listening to the many warnings he had sent them through his prophets.

Israel became the property of the king of Babylon and with that the Jewish people lost the land and fortunes they had been clinging on to. Many of the Jewish people were taken into servitude in Babylon. The type of servitude they thought had left behind in Egypt. The servitude from which God had rescued them.

Those who had kept the faith – followed God's commands and listened to the prophets – must have felt God had abandoned them to their fate. All of the chosen people were suffering and there was no hope.

Or wasn't there?

“I will give you back what you lost in the years when the swarms of locusts ate your crops...now you will have plenty to eat and be satisfied...Then Israel, you will know I am among you” God tells us through Joel's words.

God had not abandoned them and it was all part of his plan. As Joel tells us “it was I who sent this army against you”.

Why did God do this? To bring his chosen people back to him. Their love of money and wealth was distracting them from their relationship with God. It was also getting in the way of them being his chosen people. other nations aren't going to admire and respect you - even use your way of doing things as a model for their own governance - if the chosen people were treating foreigners badly; taking land from the widowed and refusing to help the poor and needy. God wanted – wants - his chosen people to be a beacon of light for the world, but they couldn't when they were not following God's law and were concentrating on their own selfish desires.

God's law which judges people by what is in their hearts. Like the tax collector. He was humble before God and did not feel himself worthy to even raise his face towards heaven. Tax collectors were despised in Jewish society as they were in cahoots with the occupying force of Rome. That alone would be sufficient to be disliked, but they also had a reputation for taking more tax the Roman empire required to line their own pockets.

No wonder the Pharisee was indignant! He was without sin. He followed God's rules, didn't he? He wasn't greedy, dishonest or an adulterer like everyone else. Most of all, he wasn't a tax collector. That would be a great crime against God, wouldn't it?

Yet he didn't see his self-righteous attitude towards others, particularly the tax collector - his holier than thou attitude - was in itself sinful. Of course he wouldn't have. He was following the rules Moses has written down and they were handed down to him from God, so the Pharisee definitely was in the right with God, wasn't he?

But Jesus didn't think so. Jesus spoke of the Pharisee's self righteous attitude and condemned it. Jesus knew, though the Pharisee was following the letter of the law, he wasn't necessarily following spirit of the law. The spirit of the law which means God is concerned with what is in peoples hearts. Are we humble before God and non-judgemental? We do our best but don't always get it right.

There was a time, though, where the kirk was seen as judgemental and holier than thou.

Of the non-attender, the divorcee, the single parent, the list goes on and that's just in my family!

The kirk used to be a place where some went to see and be seen. Not to worship God or have fellowship with fellow Christians.

homesless.

When I hear these stories, I am not surprised people don't come to church. I have read of people in deep trouble being advised by Christian friends to go to church – to seek a relationship with God - and the response has been along the lines of “I don't want to go their I feel bad enough already and want to be made to feel any worse”.

But there's more to it than just the headline perceived judgemental attitude. People are busier than ever and don't have time to come to church. Coming to church would eat into their precious time.

We're still here, though. Just as in Joel's time people had been exiled and turned from God, we too are keeping the faith. We know God has not and would never abandon his people. Things may look bleak, but are they really?

Can unions be positive? This church was formed from a union. The members worked together to create a new church from the old. Concentrated on what really matters – bringing glory and honour to God, forming a loving Christian family and serving the local community.

I think unions can be a positive thing for the local and national church.

It shows some unity of purpose - pardon the pun. Many church buildings were built as we kept falling out with one another. The free church, the united free church, the reformed united free church, the Church of Scotland. Coming back together shows we aren't a bunch of splitters.

It shows different congregations can grow and work together and, ultimately, become a worshipping community of God's children. Setting apart differences for the greater good of God's kingdom in the local community.

It shows the kirk is more concerned with bringing the kingdom of God to local, national and international communities, rather than clinging to bricks and mortar.

I know it can be difficult seeing churches close. My first church closed as a result of the union here. That's the building where we were married, where our children were baptised, where we starred as one of the shepherds in the nativity play! But the memories we will always have.

Most important, is our relationship with God. If we get that right, as the tax collector did, everything will follow.

Our relationship and trust of God will deepen. And others will see that in us. Perhaps question and want to find out more. Maybe even come along to see what all the fuss is about.

I feel the decline in church attendance and building numbers has to be part of God's plan for the church in Scotland and for all Christians in Scotland. It is a testing time, but we have and will keep the faith, though we are exiled in some ways – many people in mainstream society think religion is not for them and find the idea of going to church really rather odd.

I strongly believe the decline is God pruning the overgrown bush. Getting rid of the dead and dying wood. Pruning it down and into a better shape.

Now, perhaps, is the autumn or winter in the cycle of life of the church. God only knows what the spring may bring. One thing is for sure, though, in spring there will be new shoots from a bush with deep roots in God's love.

And, despite the statistics of a reduced number of ministers, that isn't all doom and gloom either. This year, 24 new candidates began their training. That's the largest intake for 10 years apparently and doesn't include myself and others in my position who have, for whatever reason, had to wait until next year to begin their training.

So long as we trust God and remain constant in him, he will remain constant in us. He will use us to create his church. A church about the people not about the steeple.

A church where all are loved and supported for who they are. A community of God's people sharing time and fellowship together and serving the community in which we live.

A church where the people of God are the prophetic voice Joel wrote about. Where we point the way to God through our words, our lives and our actions. Where we stand up for the downtrodden and neglected in society, no matter how difficult that may be. No matter what the politicians and leaders of our nation think is best.

In time, while we keep the faith and trust God, keep doing God's will in this community and communities throughout Scotland and the world, the bush will flourish in an amazing and glorious way. Of that there should be no doubt.