I've been reflecting on my recent posts (here and here) and the comments that have been left you some of you (thank you again for the advice/encouragement). I've realised I'm being slightly blinkered by the "faults" and issues I have with my placement church and supervisor. I need to focus on why I am there - to learn, be challenged, reflect and be guided in my calling.
So, I've been thinking about things in relation to the co-ordinated field assessment and my call. How I've reacted to them and what I have been able to glean from them - specifically in relation too my calling to ministry.
I enjoy participating in worship. I have done readings many times in my home church and, to a lesser degree, prayers too (written and led them). But it's different in an unfamiliar church. I don't know how the new congregation are going to react to my style; whether they will enjoy my prayer and gain something from them. They aren't the congregation I've know for years. In any respects, I felt that influenced my performance initially as I wasn't looking out at familiar faces. Also, I'm being examined and tested to a much greater degree than in my home church. That had made me nervous initially, but I've now accepted it as part of the process.
Now I have got used to performing (bad choice of word, but I can't think of anything better) under very different circumstances - different church, sound system, people etc. I am enjoying that part of the process.
When I'm asked to led prayers I really enjoy it. I get a lot from the preparation and writing of the prayer. Once I set my theme for the prayer it generally flows from me quite well. In many ways, although they are prayers for everyone, they are my prayers. I think I've been a little harsh on my supervisor in terms of feedback. I am pleased members of the congregation have told both him and me how much they enjoy my prayers. I'm glad they touch others.
Isn't this great! Lots of positives and good things happening to you! CFA is hard, and there is always the sense that you are being "judged" which is not at all pleasant! Keep in mind the criteria they are using - and they do stick to it in my experience. This is what they are after!
ReplyDeleteBut isn't it great fun to think about the prayers for a Sunday, or how you want to read a passage, or put over a children's talk? To have people saying they get something from what you did is the biggest buzz! And we're doing it all for God and in His power!
Enjoy your sermon - I know it's been a good one when my legs wobble afterwards!
Thanks Crabbit. In many respects it was your comments to an earlier post which got me thinking, which led to this one.
ReplyDeleteI found CFA hard because there was a mismatch between my perception of what exploring my call meant to me and what the Church was looking for. Like you I was in a Church situation which was very different and with different attitudes from anything I had experienced before. I felt my supervisor was very judgemental and unhelpful. It took a long time and a lot of hard talking by more experienced people to get my head round what was required from me. It was very painful.
ReplyDeleteThe bottom line was I had to acknowledge what I found difficult (challenging ie didn’t like) and what my response to it was. I had to then examine my response and be honest about it. This showed up things about me I did not like. I also had to be honest about what energised me and examine this too! This is part of the “growing self” and self-awareness; it also feeds into relationships and how you relate to people and situations and change. This is one of the important areas the assessors focus on.
Once I realised this, I concentrated on enjoying worship and being with members of the congregation. It helped my reflection and I ended up in a much better place, and found it easier to relate to the criteria so I could articulate my call in “Church speak”. It was a struggle, and one of the hardest things I have done, but well worth it!