Being self-centred?

I've been a bit "grrr" since my ministries council meeting, without any real excuse. I've been moaning about not knowing where I'm going to go, but that's rather narcissistic, self-centred and unfair on those who need to organise placements for all the candidates. As I have been reminded, it is a complex process and where I go isn't just based on my needs, but where would be able/prepared to take me.

Looking back at the meeting, my main bugbear was the ministry support officer (MSO) who chaired the meeting was not the MSO who will actually be my MSO. In the letter letting me know about the meeting, it was very much worded I was to make attendance my priority, as my presbytery rep and I did. Knowing the person I was talking to wasn't the person who would arrange my placement (necessarily), I didn't feel I could mention things outwith some vague learning outcomes I want to explore. The meeting didn't really lend itself to me coming out with "If possible, I would like to go to church X for Y reason".

I'm now starting to think it would be much easier for all concerned, especially at this stage, to just tell you where to go, as happened with extended enquiry/co-ordinated field assessment. As I said in my meeting, it's probably easier and quicker to list what I know than I don't, as I don't know much!

I suppose I just don't like this kind of uncertainty. Funny, I can decide to drive to Italy and back for a charity stunt and have no itinerary, route planned or any idea where I will stay. I think I need to adopt the same attitude with this as I did with that. And that was a lot of fun, but a story for another time.

Well, I pray I can just go with the flow. I can accept where I am sent with a open mind and happy heart. I know wherever I land up I will learn. I know from my 2 co-ordinated field assessments not all the experiences were positive, but I still have grown and learnt as a result of having been through them.