Who to marry?

This has been a week of first for me. I have now been involved in both a wedding ceremony (other than as the person getting married, before someone interjects) and a funeral. I merely played a very small part in both of these acts of worship, but it was exceptionally humbling to be allowed by the happy couple and the bereaved to take part.

The wedding wasn't any different from what I would have expected - in fact it was fairly stereotypical, but still the special day for the couple committing to one another. In many ways, I saw my role as another one of the professionals making their wedding happen, from the hotel manager to the photographer. Having said that, as a representative of the church, I could still be seen in a different light by the couple and their guests depending on how I conducted myself. That, in turn, reflected on how they would perceive the church. So, no pressure then!

As I discussed the wedding with my supervisor, he called me on who and where I would marry people. And that sort of got my knickers in a twist. I'm very clear that the church is where the people are. The church buildings which are used as a useful tool for conducting worship and serving a community, but they are not the church. So, by that measure, a hotel can be the church, as the people are gathered in Christ's name. Yet I still slightly have a reluctance towards the idea of marriage in hotels - but is that my own prejudices rather than a decently thought out position? If it's the former, I need to put my own views to one side and think how I could serve I will serve in a parish.

I know I would want to be sure the couple knew they could be married in church if they wished and non-attendance and non-membership would not be a barrier for me marrying them in church. I would hate to think they were getting married in a hotel because they didn't think they would be allowed to be married in church. But, what if there were reasons why they still wanted to be married outwith a church, such as a feeling of hypocrisy (even with my reassurance), practicality of having everything in the same place, keeping costs down etc. Would I still marry them?

Okay, so getting back to the church being the people, that wouldn't be a barrier to me marrying people outwith the church building. So, with that in mind, I suppose I don't have a fundamental objection to marrying people outwith a church building. But I wouldn't want to become the minister people in an area came to to be married as it was perceived I would pretty much marry anyone anywhere. So how to square the circle of being welcoming to all but not making a rod for my back?

Well, the easy way, I suppose, would be to use the parish system to my advantage. So, those I serve in the parish I would marry, those with a direct connection with the church (to get round people who's great-great granny may have once attended) or people where I may have a connection through a chaplaincy. That way at least I would know them in some capacity (okay, so maybe not those in the parish, but why should service for a wedding be different for a funeral of a person in the parish?).

I still need to give this much more thought. I also know I need to have decided what I would do once I enter a parish. It seems so far off, but I know it will come around soon enough. So long as the decision I make is the right one based on what God wants of me and not what is right for me alone.