Cheerio for now

Officially, my placement ended on 2nd January. Due to the snow and my hubbie needing the car, I hadn't made it to my placement church for worship on the Sunday (3rd). So, I went along on Sunday to say goodbye and tell then my news.

I was a wee bit nervous about this. I don't like a fuss...at all. I avoid them like the plague, if they are for me. Just the way I am. Just before the children's address the session clerk called me forward and made a wee speech and presented me with some flowers and a card.

It is sad to leave that congregation. I've come know they and enjoy working with them. I will let them know how I'm getting on and, no doubt, will visit at some time in the future.

I also know, if I am selected for ministry training (or should I say when?) I will feel I am constantly moving on. All the various placements and people I will learn from and work with. Until I find my own place where God leads.

Talking of where God leads. One of this placement's congregation asked, if I am selected, how long it would be before I was a minister? Just under 5 years I guessed. After a quick discussion with another member she said "that's just about the same time as your local assessor retires. You should come back here and be our minister then", or words to that effect.

I smiled and said something along the lines of "We'll just have to see what God has planned for me". Inside I was thinking if her words were prophetic until the person she'd had her brief discussion with said "well, it's better the devil you know". I wasn't sure if which way round to look at that- the congregation or me being the devil!

How long to stay?

My placement began when I mae contact with my assessor. That was back at the beginning of July, so my 6 months are up on Satuarday. So, in theory, I am back at my home church as of Sunday.

I supposed I could just sneak away. I'm not one for a fuss or stuff like that anyway, but I've built up good relations with many in the congregation and it would seem rude not to say goodbye. Also, what is the social norm?

I'll definitely be in touch with my placement church - a week on Thursday I have my local review and, naturally, my local assessor will be there. Once I hear the outcome of that, I'll let the congregation know.

There's nothing to stop me visiting. I know that. But, if I am selected as a candidate for ministry, I will have to get used to constantly moving on. Building up new relationships, getting used to new customs and practices. Whatever happens, at least God will be going ahead of me, preparing the way for me.

Quick discussion

I had a quick meeting with my assessor just after morning worship. She was a little concerned about a line in my PDI report. The interviewer had written "Because she is so intelligent and can often see clearly where she wishes to lead the group - how can she achieve this without conflict!"(Punctuation is the interviewer's).

I must admit, that was the one line in the report where I thought, hang on, where did that come from? Most of the interview I thought I showed little experience of leading groups, as I do have little experience of this.

My assessor brought it to my attention so I could think about how to respond if that line is picked up on at my local review. I was glad she did - at least I won't be too thrown if one does. It also shows how much she thinks of me, which is very humbling.

I don't want to focus on this too much, but just need to keep this in mind. I'd hate to have started to mature and grow in ways I never envisioned, following God's call for me, and let this get in the way of following the path He has prepared ahead of me.

Service preperation

I'm currently preparing for the third Sunday in Advent, as I am leading the whole service. I've chosen the hymns and readings. I thought that would be quite straightforward, but my assessor has knocked back 2 hymns as they are being used on other Sunday's in advent.

I amended the order of service to take this into account let my assessor have a copy. Not a hassle, that's part of the reason I let her have a look at my order of service so early. But, I was annoyed today when the substituted hymn was also rejected for similar reasons. I'm not telepathic. I think when I go over the order of service with my assessor on Sunday I'll diplomatically say something along the lines of "do you have a list of which hymns/carols are being used over the advent/Christmas period, so my choices don't clash?".

At least there's still plenty time to make amendments, though I have to admit, it feels more like I'm fitting into my assessor's way of doing things. that said, this is only my second ever complete service and I'm only in my CFA. I know I'll have to get used to this and it sounds as though I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill, but I just needed to get it off my chest. It's still a privilege to be working with my assessor and learning from her.

Expanding my vision

The Church of Scotland took a group of children to Malawi during the summer. One of the members of the group is a member of the congregation at my placement church.

Members of the group gave a presentation at the church last night. It was a great testament to my placement church that their member was comfortable telling 100 people of her experience. It was also a testament to the vision of the child support person from 121 to take children to Malawi - to invest in the future and present of the church.

But, that isn't the reason for this post. During the presentation more of my vision (literally) flashed before me. I couldn't concentrate on anything else as the vision wouldn't go away. I think the Holy spirit was making sure I wrote it down, so I use God's words...

My vision is one where I minister to a church where

1. Everyone has ownership - it's their church, whether they're 1 month old or 90 years old.
2. There is investment in future - if the children and young people do not feel integral to the church, the church will die.
3. Honour of the old and the contribution they have and still make - I think there is a danger of investing so much in children and youth that the old people in the church are marginalised. That's a great waste of skills, knowledge and experience, which could (and should) be used to fulfil 2.
4. Where old learn from young as well as young learning from old.
5. Where seeds of faith are sown, watered and nurtured. The investment may not bear fruit for the congregation I minister to, but God will reap the fruit. That's the important part of the investment - we are investing for God.
6. Where God's love through the sacrifice of His son, Jesus Christ, is the basis of of the faith of my church.
7. Where that Christian faith defines the way the church serves the parish, wider community and world.
8. Where all are truly welcome and feel at home in the church, no matter their background, circumstances or need. We all need God's love, forgiveness and redemption through Jesus Christ.

Not much of a vision, but it's mine. Personally, as I look at this list I see an ordinary parish minister doing ordinary ministerial things to spread God's love to that parish, the wider community and world.

We will remember them

I always find Remembrance Sunday a tough line to walk for the church, even though this is the first time I've ever been involved in worship during it. Jesus taught of peace, yet we commemorate and remember those who have (and are) fighting. I do feel we need to acknowledge their sacrifice, but, as Christians, work for peace.

As I mentioned here, I led the all prayers today - opening, thanksgiving and intercession, dedication and benediction. I was more nervous than I have been since I first started at my current placement. I know ever act of worship is special, but Remembrance Sunday is particularly poignant for many. There are members of the congregation who lost loved ones on WWII or even fought during it. Also, there were more visitors than normal at the second service - the service with the laying of the wreath and two minute silence. With all that in mind, and the news this morning of another British serviceman having died in Afghanistan, I knew emotions would be heightened and I wanted to ensure God's peace and love spoke to all who were worshiping, no matter their motives.

I think my prayers hit the right balance. I also have to admit I did my research (research being borrowing from many resources - plagiarism from one). Most of my prayers were adapted from the Book of common order and I adapted the intercession prayer available on the Churches Together in Britain and Ireland website. I didn't use the response during the intercession prayer, as I didn't feel it was appropriate for the setting.

I always try when leading worship to put some feeling into my voice, so it doesn't sound as though I'm reading off a shopping list and today was no different. I feel this can be helpful to emphasise a point or just inject a little care and concern into what I am saying. I haven't been too sure if that was actually coming across to the congregation, but after the service a member of the congregation mentioned how good a voice I have and how she appreciated how I "put a bit of feeling into what you say". That was a real boast, as it is being picked up by others.

As a little aside, I usually wear jeans and a top to church, even when leading worship. Today I wrote my suit jacket - partly out of respect for the gravitas of the service and partly to give me somewhere to wear my poppy. My assessor didn't wear a poppy. I didn't mention this, but was a little surprised. For me the poppy is a symbol of honouring the dead on all sides and hoping for peace. Peace which lasts forever and bring love, compassion and justice to the whole world. The peace which comes from God and Jesus calls me to help bring to others through my words, deeds and actions.

My first...Presbytery meeting

I always had the impression presbytery was a dry, businesslike, meeting. My views haven't changed that much from last night, but the meeting wasn't as boring as I had imagined it would be.

After a short welcome and act of worship lead by the presbytery moderator, it was down to business. I must admit there were TLAs (three letter abbreviations) and the like which were right over my head, but I could follow most of what went on.

About half way through proceedings the matter of the future of tenure for ministry was brought to the floor for discussion. A small booklet for this has been produced and it is summed up with 8 key points. We were broken into 8 groups for 10 minutes to discuss one point each - the potential advantages, disadvantages, further comments and whether ministries council should prepare a full report for next year's General Assembly.

My group's point was, in effect, continual assessment of ministers. I think we all saw the merits of this - dealing with problems at an early stage, ministers having more support after the initial 5 years from ordination etc - but how would it be implemented? A minister is answerable to presbytery, not their elders or congregation. Also, it could, if implemented wrongly, lead to resentment and a feeling a minister was restrained from preaching the word properly.

It was a good discussion and all members of the group contributed. I even made a couple of observations which were noted and I am not a member of presbytery!

I liked the idea of breaking a large group into smaller groups to discuss parts of a topic. There's more chance people will put their views forward. Without presbytery's views going to the appropriate councils at 121, 121 will do what they think is best on the feedback they've had. More feedback and better ways of getting it is no bad thing as far as I'm concerned.

One other thing I noted from last night - how many ministers were wearing their dog collars. I was a little surprised by that, in this day and age. I suppose it could have been the attitude of "I'm at work - work equals dog collar". Whatever rings your bell, I suppose, but I don't think it matters what we wear, even in the business of the church, but what we do and say.

And, I think last night may be the first time ever someone has arrived on a Honda Goldwing!!! The gerbils' car is sick and Mr Gerbil was my chauffeur for the evening.

Remembrance Prayers

I've been asked to led all the prayers for next Sunday. I wouldn't normally be too daunted by this. I know I still have much to learn about leading prayer in public worship, but I'll only learn through practice. That's not the problem - this coming Sunday is Remembrance Sunday. I have to find the right balance between acknowledging the fallen, but looking for peace.

Having had a look on-line, I've managed to find and adapt a thanksgiving and intercession prayer. That type of prayer for Sunday is a little "easier". There are plenty of examples which could be used.

The prayer which is scunnering me is the opening prayer, which in my placement church, is approach, adoration and confession. Normally, I find those types of prayers easier than thanksgiving and intercession, but not fir Sunday.

There's also the responsibility of leading the prayers during a Remembrance service. Again, this is all about getting the balance right. I am all too aware there are members of the congregation who may have served during WWII or lost loved ones to it. I also need to ensure all in the congregation feel part of the worship and the sacrifice is still relevant to all. No pressure then.

At my last meeting my assessor let me borrow the Book of Common order. I'm going to look there for inspiration too. If that fails, I think I'll be asking my assessor for help!

More to follow as I figure out how to approach this!

Self-assessment of today's sermon

My sermon went well today. After both services many of the congregation thanked me for my sermon. Particularly I appreciated the comments of the worship teams at my placement church as they know how nerve wracking it can be.

To get my voice warmed up, my assessor asked if I'd led the bible readings too. I was happy to do so, after all, I had been over them a few times while preparing for today.

To be critical of myself, as I know I must.

Positives:

1. My point was clear.
2. I covered the subject matter well.
3. I paced the sermon more or less right
4. I have a good clear voice.
5. I knew my opening well enough I could present the beginning with minimum use of my notes. This way I could make eye contact with the congregation and, hopefully, engage them with God's message.
   

Negatives:

1. I didn't modulate my voice enough. This may have helped emphasise a point.
2. At some points during the sermon, particularly during very theological comments, I was really reading from my notes, rather than using them for reference. I'm sure this will improve with experience, but it's something to look out for.
3. Occasionally I could feel the nerves surface again and seemed to stutter a little. I'm not sure if many of the congregation picked up on this. Again, worth noting and being aware of.

On balance, I feel it went well. I know, from the congregation's feedback, they took something away from it. Whether they took the message I thought I was preaching or not, it doesn't matter. What does matter is God uses me through the breaking of His word to speak to His children.

Visiting Ministers

As usual, last night I was helping aat my home church's youth club. One of my ministers was also helping and asked "how was the baptism last week?". I had no idea what he was talking about. I didn't think my placement church had one last Sunday and knew, with my ministers being on holiday, my home church wouldn't have had one.

Confused, I answered "what baptism?". "Oh, the wedding, then" he replied.

I still had no idea what he was talking about.

Turns out my ministers, as they were still on leave had decided to visit my placement church to see how I was getting on. Pity I wasn't there, though I know they would have been made most welcome.

No doubt tomorrow I'll get told all about it from those at my placement congregation. Honest, I didn't know!

My next sermon

I'm preaching in my placement church on Sunday. I'm following the lectionary, as that is what my placement church does and the rest of the service will (hopefully) tie in with what I have to say.

I'm quite well organised, which I'm surprised at. I've chosen the readings and 2 of the hymns for Sunday. I've also written a draft, which I've e-mailed to my assessor for her comments.

I'm looking forward to it, yet I'm nervous at the same time. Preaching a sermon is so very different from all the other parts of worship, for so many reasons. I know my assessor and placement church will be very supportive and encouraging of me, which does make it easier.

Hopefully my message comes from God and speaks to the hearts in the congregation.

Tomorrow

As I mentioned here, my assessor has asked me to do a post-funeral visit for the bereaved where I sat in during the pre-funeral visit. This is an enormous privilege and I'm all too aware I am representing the church during the visit.

I must admit, I'm pretty nervous about this and I know it'll be worse tomorrow when I knock on the person I'm visiting's door. What do I say? How will they react? Will I be made welcome, or has the kirk done it's job?

The bereaved person I'll be visiting struck me as a lovely person when I met them last. My assessor has also let them know I will be visiting, so at least it won't be a total surprise.

I'm sure it'll be okay but, like anything which is new, it is nerve wracking. Also, my assessor has shown great trust giving me the opportunity to carry out this visit and I don't want to let her down either. Most of all, though, I don't want to let God down.

I will pray for guidance and I know God, though His Holy Spirit, will give me the words I need during this important task.

Where should prayer be?

In my home church (and I believe this is the more "normal" way) the opening prayer is just that - the approach to God or, more formally, adoration and supplication. The positioning is the same in my placement church and I can see the merit of that. The church is opening itself to worship and God, so that prayer should be at the beginning of the service.

During the service at my placement church all the prayers (adoration and supplication; thanksgiving and intercession) are prayed prior to the sermon. At my home church and my previous placement the intercessionary prayer came after the sermon.

My assessor had briefly touched on why she has all the prayers before the sermon a while back - so all the congregations approach to God is done, their confession is done and any worries they may have are handed over to God. Thus, they will (hopefully) not have any distractions during the sermon - everything has been handed over to God.

So, until I came to prepare the prayers for Sunday, the significance of this way of praying during a service hadn't really occurred to me. In my placement there is a focus on the entire service centring around a theme. I appreciate the merits of this and really don't understand when services aren't like this. So, if the intercessionary prayer is before the sermon, how have the congregation's hearts been opened up to the issues or people in the intercession prayer? Having the intercession prayer after the sermon shows the link between the issues in the sermon and the prayer. I'd imagine that potentially makes the congregation more receptive(?) to that prayer?

I'm not sure if I'm missing something or I'm just questioning it because the order is a little different from what I am used to. I must remember to discuss this at my next meeting with my assessor.

And another thing, which again only occurred to me today. There are only 2 formal prayers in the service at my placement church. My assessor says a dedication of the offering prayer, but it's ad-libbed and not listed on the order of service. I'm used to 3 prayers, but I don't feel I'm missing out on prayer having fewer during the service. Perhaps quality is better than quantity?

So, again, more learning going on. Is this a sign of openness to learning that I enquire about how things are done rather than just accept it "because it's always been done like that", or I'm a pain in the proverbial? Time will tell!

Children's addresses, Tea and Coffee

My first children's address at my placement was an experience. I was pretty nervous as, although I'm settling in well to my placement, it was something new there.

After my introduction of thought a few weeks ago, my assessor had suggested to just have notes for the message I want to make and ad-lib, rather than read the whole thing out. I took this bit of advice on board, though I'm not sure how well it went!

The Living Stones recourses my placement used are pretty comprehensive, to the point where I wouldn't have needed to do anything but gather some items and turn up. For children's addresses in particular that doesn't fit in with my style. Also, yesterday's address suggestion involved setting up a treasure hunt and I had been warned the children at my placement don't do "audience participation", so to speak.

The first question I asked of the children got me blank looks. I was sort of prepared for this, so I asked the congregation…blankness. Okay, that's the way it is. So, my questions became rhetorical. I'm not used to this, but if needs must and all that. I found out later it's like that with everyone. Good, it wasn't just me.

I think I broadly got the message across, but I'm not sure how my ending was. It seemed a little abrupt as I just finished my sentence and announced the next hymn. I think I need to work on that.

Rather than sit through the rest of the service, I went out with the children to see church from their perspective. All the children appear around the same age (apart from the teenagers, but they help), so the lesson was the same for everyone. This fitted on well with the children's address and, I assume, the rest of the service. Strangely, all of the Sunday School are girls, which is a pity, but without a critical mass of boys a new boy probably wouldn't want to go. That's just the way boys and girls of a certain age are, unfortunately.

The Sunday School's annual forum was on during the lesson. This involved 3 elders being quizzed by the children. I liked this idea, but felt the lesson and the forum shouldn't be going on simultaneously. Concentrate on one thing at a time.

As usual, I stayed for tea after the service. I noticed one member, who is also blind, was sitting alone. I got his coffee and sat with him until his carer can to collect him. We didn't chat too much - he's painfully quiet - but we exchanged the usual weather etc. I also checked he was happy for me to sit with him, which he was. I think even though he wasn't saying much, he appreciated someone just being there. I hope so.

So, that's it for yesterday. Not much to do this week. Somehow I'm not even involved in worship next week. Not entirely sure how that happened, but I've contacted my assessor to volunteer.

Visits

I shadowed my assessor yesterday afternoon. This was something I have been keen to do since I started the enquiry process, but haven't had the opportunity to do.

Fortnightly she leads worship at the sheltered housing complex in her parish. This is held in the residents' lounge and is open to all. There were 5 ladies there and that's about the norm.

I said hello to all of the ladies and sat next to one and started chatting about the weather - well, I am Scottish! I didn't introduce myself, but I'm a little old-fashioned with those things. I was there at the invite of my assessor, so I see it as polite for the inviter to introduce the invitee.

Chatting to the ladies was fairly natural for me, once I got going. I've worked with the elderly in the past and have taken services in sheltered housing complexes too. At the end of the day, people are people irrespective of age and background.

I was pretty impressed my assessor ad-libbed the service. She'd obviously looked at a theme (harvest), as the service broadly followed it. She didn't use notes and the only thing she read from was the bible!

The service was a reasonably informal affair, given the relaxed setting. It also felt the type of service where those with most denominations could feel part of. I think in that setting that is important.

For the hymns there was no music available. That threw me. I'm not musical, but tend to remember a lot of hymns in relation to their tunes! This, I think, is something I'll need to bare in mind for the future.

For the hymns, the first was fairly well known, but the others less so. Even my assessor was toiling to remember the tune of one of them. I would have thought, if music isn't available, that's where the "old favourites" should be used?

After the service, we went to a pre-funeral visit. My assessor had checked with the bereaved they were happy with this. My assessor pretty much went through a list of questions about the deceased - where they where born, where they went to school, marriage, children, work, interests etc. This I was expecting. This gives a focus for the discussion and, I'd imagine, ensures the key facts of the life of the deceased are covered. During the one funeral I'd been involved in organising the celebrant did the same thing and I know my minister does this.

During the questioning my assessor occasionally went over what she'd noted. This, I believe, would have been to check she'd written it down right and/or the bereaved had told her correctly. I'm sure with grief and shock the bereaved can get confused a bit.

Given the nature of the visit, it only lasted just over 30 minutes. As my assessor was taking me to my car she mentioned visits can last anything between 30 minutes and an hour and a half. I can understand this. It depends on the types of people involved, number of family and friends there and the deceased (how much or little there is to say about them).

She also mentioned she always ensures she's no meetings after the visit to take the timings into account. That again was obvious to me. Funeral visits aren't something which should ever be rushed. I wouldn't appreciate it, so I wouldn't do it to others.

At the end of the questioning, my assessor asked if there was to be a collection. The bereaved said no as he didn't like them. My assessor said she too didn't like them - I wasn't sure if she was just saying that to "help" the bereaved or she did agree with him. Not a major thing, just my little observation. Personally, if people want to have a collection, let them have one. If they don't, that's their choice. I don't think it's important.

One thing my assessor didn't do, which I was a bit surprised with, was offer to pray with the bereaved. From the comments they made they didn't come across as religious, and that may have been why she didn't offer.

So, much to think, reflect on and learn from. I think I'll be coming back to this again.

Causeway Prospects

My placement hold a Causeway Prospects once a month and I went along to one yesterday.

What a warm, welcoming, inclusive service. I really loved being part of it an worshiping God with all those there.

There were around 30 people with varying degrees of learning disabilities, plus their carers and the team in my placement church which helps with the service.

Tea and coffee is served to begin with. Once guy was sitting alone, so I asked if it was okay if I joined him. He didn't. I introduced myself and that was about it. I just sat with him and he seemed happy and comfortable with that.

After tea there was a short act of worship. This, for want of a better phrase, was a bit like the beginning of a "normal" service, while the children are there. In the middle a craft, in keeping with the theme, is done. This allows everyone to be involved, no matter their need or ability. I loved this attitude. I helped during this and really got a lot out of it. Everyone, and I do mean everyone - from the minister to the least able person - was involved, taking in the message and enjoying it.

To end the service, the whole congregation lines up and the start of the line snake to the end and shares the peace with everyone. Although most people there didn't know me, I was still very much included. No one if left out. It's that exactly what church is about?

I wish I'd been warned of the lunch after the service! If I had I would have had a much smaller lunch. This was a time of fellowship for all. It seemed, and my assessor confirmed this today, the carers get as much from the service and fellowship as their dependants.

From what I saw I now this all presbyteries should have something lie this. My assessor has been trying to persuade 121 to let her talk to ministry trainees about this ministry for a while and finally had that opportunity in Friday. I know there is much for them to take on board, but if only a small number do something about it, so many more people with learning disabilities, and their families, can be involved in worship.

Healing?

I've been a little silent as I've been on holiday - the hubbie and I managed a few days on Harris and Lewis, but that's for another post. This one is to reflect on a healing service I attended just before we headed off.

My placement church holds a healing service once a month. It's a pretty informal service - beginning with a prayer and meditation and the congregation sing hymns accompanied by a praise-type band in the main worship area while the "healing" takes place in a side room. The healing takes the form of laying of hands and anointing with oil those of the congregation who have come seeking healing.

This was all very much outwith my comfort zone - I'm not touchy feelly at the best of times and why do we need laying of hands etc? Is that not why we now have medical professionals, councillors etc? But I was really keen to see something different and to have my boundaries stretched. Also, done right through the community being "with" the person (if that makes sense?) and supporting them, could be a very positive effect on all involved. With this in mind, rather than stay in the main worship area and sing, I observed 2 acts of healing.

3-4 of the healing team take the person requiring healing aside from the main group and into a quiet room. They ask the person the healing they are seeking. So far, I was okay with this. Then, they began offering advice. It wasn't "have you seen your doctor about this" type advice. Actually, calling it advice is, as I saw it, too polite - they told the person to hand their issues over to God and trust God. I could see where the healing team were coming from, but I don't feel it was appropriate for the person they were talking too. It felt to me the person seeking healing would have felt they were belittling them and their faith.

During this time I wanted to scream - "Stop - this isn't right; can't you see you're making it worse?" - or walk out. All the healing team asked questions and offered advice - perhaps it was expected of me? - but I just listened and observed. That is my role at the moment, fortunately.

A hand-held cross passed throughout the healing group (both "healers" and "healees") to pray for the person seeking healing. I kept my prayer simple as I felt this was most appropriate for the situation. I was also quietly crying and had to keep the prayer short! I'm not a crying sort of person normally either.

Finally, one of the healing team anointed the person seeking healing with oil on their forehead and palms of hands and we all laid hands on them for what seemed an eternity (probably 3-4 minutes). I didn't want to lay hands on them - I wanted to give them a big hug!!! Another prayer was said, we removed our hands and re-joined the main worship group.

The second seeker of healing wasn't so bad, but no advice was dispensed. It was a very different type of person and situation. It was emotionally exhausting, though.

Half way through the service, there is a break where the congregation could chat over tea. I sat back for a couple of minutes to see how this went. As I watched I saw the person from the first act of healing with no-one taking to them, so I did. I could almost feel their spirit lift a little as as was chatted. I didn't get to talk to them for long, but I really know I made a small difference to how they felt.

During the remainder of the service I joined in with the singing (poor people - I can't hold a tune in a bucket!). Partly to see the other side of the service, partly as the healing was so emotionally draining. I couldn't sit beside the first "healee", but whenever I made eye contact with them I smiled - they returned the gesture and their face lit up. It was a full-face smile, not a put on "the mouth's smiling, but nothing else is"-type smile.

The service ends with hugs all round. Again, outwith my comfort zone. Hugs are for those I love, not just for the sake of it. I know, as a Christian I should love everyone, but you know what I mean! I specifically went to hug the first healee though. They wished me the best for my future (they knew I was their as an enquirer to ministry) and thanked me for talking to them. I was really touched and moved by that.

So, this type of worship is still outwith my comfort zone. Personally, I believe biblical laying of hands was an initial gesture to welcome the ill - who would have been unclean - into the community. It's amazing how being part of a community can aid healing - be it physical, emotional or spiritual. I'm also sure the laying of hands wasn't the end - there, we've laid hands, anointed and prayed for you - no. It was merely the start of the process. A process which needs the community - the church, God's people - to totally fulfil together. Only as a body of Christ can healing take place.

Very productive

My regular meeting with my assessor was last night. I'm much more relaxed than I was at our last meeting - perhaps because I was honest with how I was feeling and was in a better frame of mind going there. Either way, it was a productive meeting. Oh, I know it looks a while since I met one-on-one with my assessor, but she's been on holiday and then there was my CFA agreement meeting 2 weeks ago. I know the meetings are going to be pretty much fortnightly as our next one's booked and was before yesterday's, but I digress!


We discussed how I felt about leading the "introduction of thought" on Sunday. I said I felt it went well, but I was pretty nervous. She said she had noticed my nervousness, but wanted to hear my comments on it before giving hers. She re-assured me by saying she picked up on the nervousness as she's been there and it's her role as my local assessor to pick up on these things. She gave me a few hints to help with children's addresses (as the introduction of thought pretty much is one). In particular, she suggested I just make bullet point notes rather than write the whole thing, that way it might flow better. I did mention I was more worried because it was an adult "audience". They could well know more than I do!!!


We also went through my CFA agreement to pick out things I can do and be involved with. As part of the agreement I asked to do 2 sermons and 1 whole service. Obviously, one of the sermons will be during the whole service. The dates when I'm doing those have been set. 1st November for the sermon (where I'll also select 2 hymns) and 13th December for the whole service.


As I mentioned in my last post, my placement church uses Living Stones. There are books for different ages and whole congregation worship, so the whole service will come together for both the adults and the children. That's what I'm used to and I firmly believe it's how it should be done. That way the children's address leads into Sunday School and the sermon. With that in mind, my assessor gave me a copy of the resources from the current Living Stones book for my sermon on 1st November. Once they have the materials for 13th December, she'll give me that too.


As part of my CFA agreement, I asked under "special interests" to talk with others about their call. My assessor didn't think that was necessary, in terms of talking to ministers, deacons etc. How did she put it? Something along the lines of "you're following you're call". Perhaps talking to others about their call made her think I was doubting my own? So, on my form it says "explore various ministries" or similar. Last night my assessor asked why I'd asked for that. On reflection from the CFA agreement meeting, I think the spirit was moving me to ask for that as every Christian is called by God in some way and, as a minister it's important to tell everyone that and encourage them to use their call, if that makes sense? I explained this to my assessor and, although a little puzzled, seemed okay with that.

So, it's going to be a busy while. That said, my assessor did mention she needs to make sure I don't exceed my 8 hours per week. I did tell her I don't mind, but she said "OH, we don't want to overload you at this stage". Which is nice.

I asked my assessor some of the questions I've had. I mentioned about my last local review and the part of the decision which stated I need to address how I deal with expressing my opinions. She explained she didn't want to bring that up until 3 months (argh, half way!!!) into this CFA, as she wanted to she the "real" me. She feels if I concentrated on that too soon she'd not see who I really am and that wouldn't be good. It will be addressed though - at my next local review she'll need to tell the panel how it was dealt with apparently. I was happy with that as I now know why it hadn't been brought up yet.

At my placement church, the children don't go into worship during school holidays. That's why the children's address becomes the refection of thought. I asked about this, as I think children shouldn't be excluded from worship, but the system at my placement seems to work. Apparently, the children are welcome in worship, but want to have their own space during the holidays- doing crafts, going to the park and such like stuff. Completely their choice. Fair enough. If that makes the kids happy, why not?!

So, lots to do and reflect on. I'm really looking forward to it all...

New experiences

A couple of new experiences today. Firstly, I presented what my placement church calls the reflection of thought. This takes the position of the children's address when the Sunday School isn't on. Their Sunday School starts next week.

My assessor sent me the material for it. They are using Living Stones materials, which follows the 3 year lectionary cycle. The material I was given I could have pretty much just read verbatum, but I re-wrote it to make it a little more "adult", if that makes sense?

I was actually quite nervous doing it. It's different to anything I've done before, yet the same. I've done sermons (two) and children's addresses. This seems to sit somewhere in the middle and I'm still a little confused by it. That's another thing I need to discuss with my assessor, just to find out the rational, as it seems to really work in her congregation.

Anyway, I'm slightly digressing. It seemed to go well. Even though I was nervous, I managed to crack a joke. After the service one of the worship team told me they'd really enjoyed it and I managed to get the message over clearly. That was really re-assuring, especially coming from someone who's had to do it too.

The other new thing was a meeting with the Sunday School leaders. My assessor gets them to do the children's address and the meeting was to discuss who would do which weeks and select the children's hymn for each week. Well, generally I don't do Sunday afternoons. Anything after 1:30 I regard as my time. This is a rule my hubbie and I started when we first moved in together so even if we had a really busy week and Saturday, there would be at least 1 afternoon a week where we could do something nice together. That said, my assessor told me the meeting starts at 12:30 and generally last no more than an hour. Okay, I can handle that - still finished by 1:30.

But, it didn't start until nearer to 1:10. At 2 I had to make my apologises and go. Harsh I know, but I can't let it slip.

However, the meeting went well. I've been signed up to do 1 address before Advent. I also made a couple of suggestions for hymns - one of which I didn't know, but the words really tied in with the theme. No-one else knew it, but it was selected on the basis of the words. I felt I coped well in the meeting - I listened to others and shared my opinion where appropriate. Just a normal meeting, really.

So, that's about it for now. More will follow soon, I'm sure!

Just visiting

As I've had a couple of meetings this week, my assessor "gave" me the Sunday off. At the time she mentioned this, I was a little surprised. I am enjoying the new experience of attending another church and being involved in their worship. That said, the CFA is supposed to take a maximum of 8 hours per week. Once preparing for meetings, worship etc, reflection time and keeping my journal are all included, it's surprising how much it all adds up.

I was swithering whether or not to visit my home church, especially after last time I was there. But the congregation there are my friends. No, they in many ways are my extended family. No matter where I go, they will always have a concern and love for me. Also, my minister had been in touch. She wanted to maybe meet up with me to see how I'm getting on, where I'm at the moment, how my home church can support me etc. That swayed it for me. Go to my home church and see my minister.

After the service, once I'd caught up with some of the congregation and my minister had been seen by everyone who wanted to see her, I managed to arrange to meet with her. It will be good to properly catch up with her and let her know how things are going at my placement and how I feel about my calling.

When I first ventured out to follow God's calling I felt guilty having to leave some of the things behind I had been involved with. In particular young church. The young church superintendent was a star - he told me I was not letting anyone down following my calling. Today, some of the children who know me (there's been a few new families come, which is great!) just acted as though I'd never been away. I see that as a huge complement. I wasn't leading young church, I hasten to add!

The superintendent has even been inviting me to the young church meetings, as he wants to keep me "involved" and appreciates my ideas and support. I had been to a couple of meetings, but there's now as many, if not more, children I don't know than do. I don't think I can contribute as much as I have and don't think I should. Someone else needs to do the things I did. No-one is indispensable! So, although I was invited to the young church meeting tomorrow, I'm not going. This year I don't feel guilt about this. Last year I did.

Since I started my CFA extension, my sense of calling has strengthened and deepened. I feel I can move into God's call for me as He goes before me to make preparations for me, stands beside me as I go into the unknown and moves me through His Holy Spirit to do the right thing by Him, while not forgetting who I am.