As I mentioned here, my assessor has asked me to do a post-funeral visit for the bereaved where I sat in during the pre-funeral visit. This is an enormous privilege and I'm all too aware I am representing the church during the visit.
I must admit, I'm pretty nervous about this and I know it'll be worse tomorrow when I knock on the person I'm visiting's door. What do I say? How will they react? Will I be made welcome, or has the kirk done it's job?
The bereaved person I'll be visiting struck me as a lovely person when I met them last. My assessor has also let them know I will be visiting, so at least it won't be a total surprise.
I'm sure it'll be okay but, like anything which is new, it is nerve wracking. Also, my assessor has shown great trust giving me the opportunity to carry out this visit and I don't want to let her down either. Most of all, though, I don't want to let God down.
I will pray for guidance and I know God, though His Holy Spirit, will give me the words I need during this important task.
Showing posts with label parochial visits. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parochial visits. Show all posts
Sunday, 18 October 2009
Saturday, 3 October 2009
Visits
I shadowed my assessor yesterday afternoon. This was something I have been keen to do since I started the enquiry process, but haven't had the opportunity to do.
Fortnightly she leads worship at the sheltered housing complex in her parish. This is held in the residents' lounge and is open to all. There were 5 ladies there and that's about the norm.
I said hello to all of the ladies and sat next to one and started chatting about the weather - well, I am Scottish! I didn't introduce myself, but I'm a little old-fashioned with those things. I was there at the invite of my assessor, so I see it as polite for the inviter to introduce the invitee.
Chatting to the ladies was fairly natural for me, once I got going. I've worked with the elderly in the past and have taken services in sheltered housing complexes too. At the end of the day, people are people irrespective of age and background.
I was pretty impressed my assessor ad-libbed the service. She'd obviously looked at a theme (harvest), as the service broadly followed it. She didn't use notes and the only thing she read from was the bible!
The service was a reasonably informal affair, given the relaxed setting. It also felt the type of service where those with most denominations could feel part of. I think in that setting that is important.
For the hymns there was no music available. That threw me. I'm not musical, but tend to remember a lot of hymns in relation to their tunes! This, I think, is something I'll need to bare in mind for the future.
For the hymns, the first was fairly well known, but the others less so. Even my assessor was toiling to remember the tune of one of them. I would have thought, if music isn't available, that's where the "old favourites" should be used?
After the service, we went to a pre-funeral visit. My assessor had checked with the bereaved they were happy with this. My assessor pretty much went through a list of questions about the deceased - where they where born, where they went to school, marriage, children, work, interests etc. This I was expecting. This gives a focus for the discussion and, I'd imagine, ensures the key facts of the life of the deceased are covered. During the one funeral I'd been involved in organising the celebrant did the same thing and I know my minister does this.
During the questioning my assessor occasionally went over what she'd noted. This, I believe, would have been to check she'd written it down right and/or the bereaved had told her correctly. I'm sure with grief and shock the bereaved can get confused a bit.
Given the nature of the visit, it only lasted just over 30 minutes. As my assessor was taking me to my car she mentioned visits can last anything between 30 minutes and an hour and a half. I can understand this. It depends on the types of people involved, number of family and friends there and the deceased (how much or little there is to say about them).
She also mentioned she always ensures she's no meetings after the visit to take the timings into account. That again was obvious to me. Funeral visits aren't something which should ever be rushed. I wouldn't appreciate it, so I wouldn't do it to others.
At the end of the questioning, my assessor asked if there was to be a collection. The bereaved said no as he didn't like them. My assessor said she too didn't like them - I wasn't sure if she was just saying that to "help" the bereaved or she did agree with him. Not a major thing, just my little observation. Personally, if people want to have a collection, let them have one. If they don't, that's their choice. I don't think it's important.
One thing my assessor didn't do, which I was a bit surprised with, was offer to pray with the bereaved. From the comments they made they didn't come across as religious, and that may have been why she didn't offer.
So, much to think, reflect on and learn from. I think I'll be coming back to this again.
Fortnightly she leads worship at the sheltered housing complex in her parish. This is held in the residents' lounge and is open to all. There were 5 ladies there and that's about the norm.
I said hello to all of the ladies and sat next to one and started chatting about the weather - well, I am Scottish! I didn't introduce myself, but I'm a little old-fashioned with those things. I was there at the invite of my assessor, so I see it as polite for the inviter to introduce the invitee.
Chatting to the ladies was fairly natural for me, once I got going. I've worked with the elderly in the past and have taken services in sheltered housing complexes too. At the end of the day, people are people irrespective of age and background.
I was pretty impressed my assessor ad-libbed the service. She'd obviously looked at a theme (harvest), as the service broadly followed it. She didn't use notes and the only thing she read from was the bible!
The service was a reasonably informal affair, given the relaxed setting. It also felt the type of service where those with most denominations could feel part of. I think in that setting that is important.
For the hymns there was no music available. That threw me. I'm not musical, but tend to remember a lot of hymns in relation to their tunes! This, I think, is something I'll need to bare in mind for the future.
For the hymns, the first was fairly well known, but the others less so. Even my assessor was toiling to remember the tune of one of them. I would have thought, if music isn't available, that's where the "old favourites" should be used?
After the service, we went to a pre-funeral visit. My assessor had checked with the bereaved they were happy with this. My assessor pretty much went through a list of questions about the deceased - where they where born, where they went to school, marriage, children, work, interests etc. This I was expecting. This gives a focus for the discussion and, I'd imagine, ensures the key facts of the life of the deceased are covered. During the one funeral I'd been involved in organising the celebrant did the same thing and I know my minister does this.
During the questioning my assessor occasionally went over what she'd noted. This, I believe, would have been to check she'd written it down right and/or the bereaved had told her correctly. I'm sure with grief and shock the bereaved can get confused a bit.
Given the nature of the visit, it only lasted just over 30 minutes. As my assessor was taking me to my car she mentioned visits can last anything between 30 minutes and an hour and a half. I can understand this. It depends on the types of people involved, number of family and friends there and the deceased (how much or little there is to say about them).
She also mentioned she always ensures she's no meetings after the visit to take the timings into account. That again was obvious to me. Funeral visits aren't something which should ever be rushed. I wouldn't appreciate it, so I wouldn't do it to others.
At the end of the questioning, my assessor asked if there was to be a collection. The bereaved said no as he didn't like them. My assessor said she too didn't like them - I wasn't sure if she was just saying that to "help" the bereaved or she did agree with him. Not a major thing, just my little observation. Personally, if people want to have a collection, let them have one. If they don't, that's their choice. I don't think it's important.
One thing my assessor didn't do, which I was a bit surprised with, was offer to pray with the bereaved. From the comments they made they didn't come across as religious, and that may have been why she didn't offer.
So, much to think, reflect on and learn from. I think I'll be coming back to this again.
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