A lot's been happening over the last couple of weeks and I've not really had a chance to write about them.
On the Sunday immediately following my last meeting with my local assessor, I led the prayers of intersession and dedication. Once I'd written my drafts I forwarded copies to my assessor for her feedback - this is something she encourages from her worship groups. She gave me a little bit of a pointer on my intersession prayer, as it didn't fully tie into the theme of the service. Not too much advice, but enough that I know I was coming from the right direction.
The prayers seemed to go well. My delivery was okay - I both felt that and my assessor and some of the congregation also commented on this. After the service my assessor thanked me of my contribution to the service. This is something she always does and it makes me feel appreciated and acknowledged. I also know if things hadn't gone well she would let me know, in order that I would learn from my mistakes. All in all, very positive.
Last Friday, there was a games night at my placement church. I didn't really know what this would involve, but I went along partly out of morbid curiosity and partly to reassure myself I do get on with a range of people in different circumstances. My last local assessor stated he had seen no evidence for this and that had worried me and since I read that I have possibly been overanalysing every encounter. Not great for my self esteem!
The night was a good laugh and great bit of fellowship. About 25-30 people were there during the course of the evening, ranging in age from 3 - 80s. Many different board games were played. It didn’t matter what age you were everyone mixed and interacted in a loving and kindly manner.
Over last weekend I wasn't expected at my placement church, as I had a busy weekend. My assessor was perfectly okay with this and emphasised there was no obligation for me to attend every Sunday. That said, I still wanted to attend worship at my placement church, as I could observe their worship and be part of their fellowship. I find when things are most hectic that's when I need worship and fellowship the most.
Always over last weekend I was at one of my closest friend's hen nights (just a meal with the girls). Her wedding rehearsal was on the Sunday afternoon. I attended that as she'd asked me to do one of the readings and my hubbie and I were official photographers and we wanted to recce the church and discuss with the priest what photos would be appropriate during the ceremony.
The wedding itself (on Monday) was a really good, if tiring day. My hubbie took me to the bride's house so I could take getting ready photos. He then headed to the venue to get shorts of some of the guests turning up and the groom with his best man etc.
We were on our feet most of the day and it was really intensive (it was my first "official" wedding and my last!). That said, I did enjoy the photography pat of the day and, as I don't like getting my photo taken, I find carrying a decent SLR with big lens around stops people wanting to take me picture. Besides, if we hadn't done the photos I have no idea what we would have got the couple as wedding gifts!
Again, the wedding showed me I do get on with a mix of people. Although I've known the groom for a few years now, I hadn't met his close friends or family (he's from Englandhshire!). My hubbie and I share a table at dinner with one of the ushers and his family - we chatted throughout the meal in a relaxed informal matter. I was on my own for a bit of the meal as my hubbie was doing fill in pictures and backing up the memory cards onto our netbook, just in case.
So I need to put behind me the comments my last supervisor made about my communication skills. His assessment of that was based on one meeting where I erred. I have arranged over the coming weeks with my new assessor to be at small groups. I know this isn't the be all and end all and I think my assessor may be a little concerned I am concentrating on this too much. I just need to prove to myself the way I reacted was not the norm. That I have learned from my mistakes and have grown as a result of them. We only learn from what we do wrong not what we do right. That's my experience anyway.
The things I need to find out are:
When my assessor asks how I am what's wrong with me saying "fine"? That's my stock phrase, especially being an uptight east coaster. My assessor at my meeting last night said she wants to see my eyes smiling when I say that. I was really tired last night. Yes I could have told her that, but she's got enough to deal with.
When my assessor asks "is there anything you'd like to ask", what do I say? When ever I'm put on the spot like that I tend to go blank. Should I take a least 1 question written down about things that have occurred to me since our last meeting, no matter how trivial it is?
How will my assessor see the growth in me?
I'm sure these questions will be answered over time and added to. God will guide me through the Holy Spirit as I know He will give me what I ask for in his name.
It sounds like you had a really tough time at your last placement, and I think in what you say about needing to put that behind you that you have grasped that you need to deal with each situation as it comes along. I'm not very good at that myself, and can find myself going over and over the one criticism when there were 6 good coments along with it. Try to listen for the good and embrace those aspects of yourself.
ReplyDeleteI can't answer for your supervisor about why she doesn't like "fine" as a response but I know that it is not my favourite response either. Someone once told me that "fine" really means "feeling in need of encouragement" and often when someone says "fine" it isn't really what they mean. I would much rather someone said to me that life was good at the moment or were honest enough to say what their struggles were. "Fine" always means you need to ask more.
Sorry you caught my foibles this morning.
Enjoy you placement and the discoveries you make about yourself and the church. And to answer a question you left on my blog a few weeks ago - I love parish ministry for all its frustrations and creases, because the wonders of God's Spirit always surprise me in others.
Thanks for the comment Wanderer.
ReplyDeleteFine for me can mean fine. Nothing more to add. But it can also mean "ask me more". Not ideal under any circumstance butm hey, all part of the learning process.
My last placement was tough, but I think in some ways it was what I needed at the time, but perhaps not as tough as it was. At least I wasn't put off, though there were a few times I nearly jacked it in, but God supported me.
Why not say you are tired? It could be a good way to explore the demands of ministry and work/life balance for example. This area has come up for me time and again at reviews etc (and is always one of my goals to achieve a better life/work balance)- so it's an important part of ministry.
ReplyDeleteBest bet is to acknowledge how you feel - positive and negative -to your supervisor - it opens other areas for exploration and growth.
Shining eyes are a clue as to where the heart is after all!
When journalling and a question occured, I always wrote it down and brought it up at our meetings. Sometimes they were really daft questions which could be answered yes or no, but sometimes they led to a huge discussion - which was good.
Don't worry about being perfect - it's not about being the finished article but about someone who can grow and relate and learn - and someone who is self aware as you obviously are!
Good luck and God bless.