My refuge and my strength

I was preaching on Sunday. I felt it went well, though still plenty I need to learn, improve on etc. Feedback was very positive, which is reassuring (as it would be a bit bad of me if I wasn't) and humbling - exceptionally humbling.

I do feel I am projecting a much more confident self, in leading worship and in the various other aspects of ministry I have been involved in so far this placement. Yet, in other areas I can feel myself withdrawing into myself. Yes, the shy kid who could take to the stage is still here.

I'm not sure if this is a bad or good thing. Is it bad I can "turn it on" when necessary? If so, am I playing a part? I hope not and sincerely do not think it's the case. What I say and do are part of me and part of the call I have. It's tough getting the balance right, especially when I feel I am surrounded by confident people, much confident and competent than I am.

Yet this is who I am. The basic personality of who I am, without the rough edges (am I know there are quite a few) is shy. And for some reason, which I am still trying to figure out, is part of the reason I am called to minister. I suppose it does make me rely on him for confidence when I do any ministry task, in ways I just couldn't if I wasn't who I was. That's it, I must, I do rely on God and that is best summed up in Psalm 71.