No need to be nervous

Last night's meeting went really well. Both my ministers where at home (both are part-time) and I had a really good chat with them


My female minister has volunteered to start being a local assessor for the CFA, so I pulled her leg saying she only wanted to talk to me to see what she was getting into! She was really interested to here what it involved and how I felt about the whole process.


She asked how things had gone at my last placement. At the time, I hadn't been very open about how it was going, as she would have tried to help and my then supervisor may have taken it as interference. I told her I didn't get fortnightly meetings and I only found out about how some things had went in my supervisor's final report. She was really shocked by this. I actually defended my supervisor, saying "he was off sick, so probably was ill before that, but might not have really realised how it was affecting his work".


I mentioned my ministers how my supervisor had written in his report he could see no evidence for my opinion that I felt I get on with most people. Also, he said I was really opinionated, talked over others and didn't listen to others opinions. Well, the expressions on my ministers' face was a picture of, well, shock. Both of them affirmed I don't do that - yes, I have opinions and am not afraid to share them, but I don't do any of the things my supervisor said I do. They have worked with me in a variety of situations where working and communicating as a group is essential. They are also very honest and would be the first to say if I was how my supervisor portrayed me. That said, I know they would have had a quiet word in my ear about my behaviour if I did dominated discussions etc well before now.


It's funny. I have been thinking about this so much since my local review. Deep down I knew my supervisor was wrong and the meeting where he formed that opinion was really out of character for me, but when you kept getting told you're no good at something, or do something wrong and inappropriate, you start to believe it. My hubbie had told me I wasn't like that and, yes he's honest, I still wasn't convinced. This has convinced me. That doesn't make me perfect and I know I'm much more aware of how my style an affect others and be taken the wrong way.

I still see my last placement as useful, even thought it wasn't that positive. I told my ministers that last night and my male minister said "yeah, how not to do things!". I have sort of thought that at times, but that isn't all. My last placement really placed a mirror in front of me to make me look properly at myself. I am convinced that would not have happened if I'd had my current assessor to begin with. I'm also more accepting of my call and discussing it. I wasn't before.

It never ceases to amaze me how God uses all experiences to help us follow Him.