I can hardly believe this time last year, I was about to begin a journey which would take me to visit Airside's twinned congregation in Malawi. It was an exciting opportunity and real privilege, which I know has lived with me since.
It was while in Malawi I began probation. I'm glad I was able to take the risk of going there - not only to an unknown place, but with an unknown group of people (and that was just those from Airside. Maybe I hadn't really thought about the fact if things hadn't gone well (with people being tired and not in their 'own' places, we can all be a little more grumpy than normal), especially as I was sharing a room with The Boss, probation may have been pretty awkward, to say the least!
But it was a great start and it's been a great year. Yes, there have been, especially in the early few weeks, a sense of me wondering 'should I really be here?' and me (stupidly and unfairly) comparing myself to The Boss. Once I got my head round I am who I am (oh, maybe I should rephrase that...) and I can only be the person God has called me, and to accept I am a minister, things started to fit into place. Consequently, I have become the minister I am now. And it's great.
I know I wouldn't be here without the support of many people. Spot, obviously; those who left positive and honest comments here over the years, especially during my struggles of enquiry - it was good to not have that sense of isolation I know some have during that; various supervisors and congregations. The biggest help this year has been The Boss, though she'll not take nearly as much credit for it as she should.
So here I am, 1 year on since the beginning of a journey at Airside. I can honestly say I have loved 99% of it and the other 1% was still good. God has certainly blessed me this year,
Which lead to a very positive final review the other day. The panel were broadly the same as those I met with at the half way point, so not an unknown quantity. I'm not sure how long these interviews are supposed to take - most people I've spoken to say 25 minutes or so. Then the probationer is invited to go outside, while the panel make their decision. I'm sure my interview only lasted 15 minutes maximum. The panel felt my and The Boss' reports were excellent (and I think they mean in terms of who I am as well as content). They asked a couple of questions, which were very specific to a couple of things I've been involved with and that was about it.
They didn't deliberate for long, a minute at most, and invited me back in to the good news that they are delighted with where I am and I may now begin the process of applying for my 'own' charge.
At the time, I was simply relieved. Not euphoric, not elated, just relieved that what I've done this year has been acknowledged and I was affirmed in my God given calling. It's only beginning to sink in.
Now, where is calling me to be their minister? Watch this space.
Showing posts with label calling. Show all posts
Showing posts with label calling. Show all posts
Friday, 26 June 2015
Saturday, 7 February 2015
When will I get the hint?
I can't apply for my 'own' church until July. And I really have little idea where, geographically at least, that may be. But over the last few week, and especially the last week, I have been asked where I'll go at almost every turn.
Now, I know I take a while to get a hint - it did, after all, take me nearly 20 years to actually do something about the nagging in the back from God. I am the sort of person where, in these sort of cases, I don't need subtlety. I need thing IN BIG BLOCK CAPITAL LETTERS, MAKING IT ABSOLUTELY CLEAR. But I know it won't work like that; it doesn't work like that. So, maybe God's getting me to get my finger out.
Yet I come back to my original statement, I can't apply until the beginning of July. Oh, and that assumes a positive outcome to my final review, which will be at the end of June. Yes, I can have an idea where I may go, even have some applications ready to fire off once I can apply, but that's 5 months away and some churches I may be interested in may have called a minister meantime.
I have to admit, though, I may be slightly burying my head in the sand. I know I am a minister - Airside Kirk is allowing that to grow and flourish. Everyone else (including The Boss) is certain I will find a church no problem - which is a huge complement. If I really start to think about it, it all gets a bit real. A bit, I need to move, I need to 'stand on my own two feet' (okay, so it's my feet, but with a big lean into God, without whom I couldn't do what I do), the responsibility of being The Minister. Not just a minister, probationer, or assistant, or whatever they want to call me at the moment.
And the more I think about it, the more I think that's the thing - I don't want to think about it. Sigh. Maybe I should wait for churches to start battering down my door, but the number of vacancies means there's plenty of choice.
A choice, but I need to be called. This isn't like any other job, it's deeply relational, deeply exposing myself to others, and deeply reliant on where God is calling me to be. With so much choice I have a genuine concern the 'right' church may not be that easy to find at all.
But maybe it will. And maybe I need to take on board people's advice, concern, interest and realise God is dropping a hint. When will I get it?
Now, I know I take a while to get a hint - it did, after all, take me nearly 20 years to actually do something about the nagging in the back from God. I am the sort of person where, in these sort of cases, I don't need subtlety. I need thing IN BIG BLOCK CAPITAL LETTERS, MAKING IT ABSOLUTELY CLEAR. But I know it won't work like that; it doesn't work like that. So, maybe God's getting me to get my finger out.
Yet I come back to my original statement, I can't apply until the beginning of July. Oh, and that assumes a positive outcome to my final review, which will be at the end of June. Yes, I can have an idea where I may go, even have some applications ready to fire off once I can apply, but that's 5 months away and some churches I may be interested in may have called a minister meantime.
I have to admit, though, I may be slightly burying my head in the sand. I know I am a minister - Airside Kirk is allowing that to grow and flourish. Everyone else (including The Boss) is certain I will find a church no problem - which is a huge complement. If I really start to think about it, it all gets a bit real. A bit, I need to move, I need to 'stand on my own two feet' (okay, so it's my feet, but with a big lean into God, without whom I couldn't do what I do), the responsibility of being The Minister. Not just a minister, probationer, or assistant, or whatever they want to call me at the moment.
And the more I think about it, the more I think that's the thing - I don't want to think about it. Sigh. Maybe I should wait for churches to start battering down my door, but the number of vacancies means there's plenty of choice.
A choice, but I need to be called. This isn't like any other job, it's deeply relational, deeply exposing myself to others, and deeply reliant on where God is calling me to be. With so much choice I have a genuine concern the 'right' church may not be that easy to find at all.
But maybe it will. And maybe I need to take on board people's advice, concern, interest and realise God is dropping a hint. When will I get it?
Thursday, 29 January 2015
Community building and working together
At the moment I am reading a lot. There's various blogs, reports, articles, books, daily reflections etc. They are written for a range of contexts (though church is a recurring thread), and prospectives, yet there are a couple of things that are drawing them all together - and it seems a bit more than coincidence.
The recurring themes are:
Part of what I keep coming back to, from all this stuff I am reading at the moment, is the importance of community. Community does not happen by 1 or 2 (or even a handful of people) leading a service in front of rows of people in a packed church. Do those gathered talk to one another beyond basic courtesy? How do those in the congregation interact with the scripture, the prayers, the sermon? Are they allowed to? How is what does on in worship built up through the congregations lives in the coming week (months and years)? How are the gifts of those gathered discovered, developed and deployed in God's service? In some ways, I a starting to wonder if my role is to work my way out of a job (or parts thereof) as I enable others to do stuff? (Or am I just getting that confirmed?).
In many ways, now I am involved in Messy Church at Airside Kirk, I see that happening in the community that is building up. It's families worshipping God together, and the leaders of Messy aren't the minister and I - it's proper team work. I suppose, it's collaborative leadership in action (121 will be pleased!). Those who come know who the leaders are, as we're showing crafts, or setting up games, or welcoming them, or doing the talk, or leading the music, but there's no distinction between the leaders. We all muck in where needed, take in tasks which we're able to do (or gifted to do), and we all wear our ordinary clothes - jeans and a top sort of stuff. Yes, some there know who The Boss is, as they've been to church at normal Sundays or through her school work, but some don't. And it doesn't matter, because we're doing this as a community, serving the community and, God willing, through building up our relationships with those who come, showing Christ's love working through us. Bottom line is, there's no perception of 'rank' by those who come. (Yes, I know there shouldn't be rank, and that ministers are not above anyone else, but people don't always react that way).
Perhaps, looking longer term (which is a dangerous thing to do, I know), my role is more one of facilitation, getting the congregation(s) I serve to grow and mature in their Christian faith, but with us all working together, sharing together, growing together. Then, if I am called somewhere else or am away for a prolonged period, things will still happen, the church will (and does and should) go on without me.
Maybe part of my call is to work my way out of a job? Or, at least some of the jobs ministers seem to take on, but they don't need to do and, through doing too much themselves, the priesthood of all believers is not reflected. The calling and gifts of all the Christian community are not found, not grown, not nurtured.
And, as for people sitting in rows and listening, I did wonder how that could be 'worked around' in a large congregation. Well, Airside is one. Though sitting in rows for the 'ordinary' (oh, believe me, I don't think there is such a thing there!) Sunday service makes better use of the space, I have introduced the congregation talking to one another on a couple of occasions (once in a children's address and once as the intro to a sermon) and it worked! I wasn't sure how it would go down, but took the risk. Not sure I could do it all the time, in the Sunday morning service, but certainly something I will use from time to time and in smaller contexts too.
I know all of this will feed in (in a scarily short period of time - run around the room with arms in air going arrrrrggggghhhhhh!) to figuring out where I am called to minister. No, I've no idea, but with God's grace and guidance I pray to go where he wants me to go.
The recurring themes are:
- Discipleship - what it is and how to build it.
- Moving from worship in rows of people listening to one person talk.
- Importance of intergenerational relationships in building community.
- And some sort of looking towards a less clergy (or top-down) model of church. (This is a bit more of a hard one to explain, as I do believe in any community, there needs to be leadership, but it's how that leadership is perceived and deployed that, as I read it, is the important thing here).
Part of what I keep coming back to, from all this stuff I am reading at the moment, is the importance of community. Community does not happen by 1 or 2 (or even a handful of people) leading a service in front of rows of people in a packed church. Do those gathered talk to one another beyond basic courtesy? How do those in the congregation interact with the scripture, the prayers, the sermon? Are they allowed to? How is what does on in worship built up through the congregations lives in the coming week (months and years)? How are the gifts of those gathered discovered, developed and deployed in God's service? In some ways, I a starting to wonder if my role is to work my way out of a job (or parts thereof) as I enable others to do stuff? (Or am I just getting that confirmed?).
In many ways, now I am involved in Messy Church at Airside Kirk, I see that happening in the community that is building up. It's families worshipping God together, and the leaders of Messy aren't the minister and I - it's proper team work. I suppose, it's collaborative leadership in action (121 will be pleased!). Those who come know who the leaders are, as we're showing crafts, or setting up games, or welcoming them, or doing the talk, or leading the music, but there's no distinction between the leaders. We all muck in where needed, take in tasks which we're able to do (or gifted to do), and we all wear our ordinary clothes - jeans and a top sort of stuff. Yes, some there know who The Boss is, as they've been to church at normal Sundays or through her school work, but some don't. And it doesn't matter, because we're doing this as a community, serving the community and, God willing, through building up our relationships with those who come, showing Christ's love working through us. Bottom line is, there's no perception of 'rank' by those who come. (Yes, I know there shouldn't be rank, and that ministers are not above anyone else, but people don't always react that way).
Perhaps, looking longer term (which is a dangerous thing to do, I know), my role is more one of facilitation, getting the congregation(s) I serve to grow and mature in their Christian faith, but with us all working together, sharing together, growing together. Then, if I am called somewhere else or am away for a prolonged period, things will still happen, the church will (and does and should) go on without me.
Maybe part of my call is to work my way out of a job? Or, at least some of the jobs ministers seem to take on, but they don't need to do and, through doing too much themselves, the priesthood of all believers is not reflected. The calling and gifts of all the Christian community are not found, not grown, not nurtured.
And, as for people sitting in rows and listening, I did wonder how that could be 'worked around' in a large congregation. Well, Airside is one. Though sitting in rows for the 'ordinary' (oh, believe me, I don't think there is such a thing there!) Sunday service makes better use of the space, I have introduced the congregation talking to one another on a couple of occasions (once in a children's address and once as the intro to a sermon) and it worked! I wasn't sure how it would go down, but took the risk. Not sure I could do it all the time, in the Sunday morning service, but certainly something I will use from time to time and in smaller contexts too.
I know all of this will feed in (in a scarily short period of time - run around the room with arms in air going arrrrrggggghhhhhh!) to figuring out where I am called to minister. No, I've no idea, but with God's grace and guidance I pray to go where he wants me to go.
Tuesday, 20 January 2015
Looking to where I may go
A couple of weeks ago, I attended my interim review. This makes sure probation is on track - that there are no major issues and may set new goals/objectives, depending on new/unforeseen/changing circumstances. The bottom line is, that things are confirmed as going well.
At the end of the review, the subject of 'looking for my own place' came up. Though I cannot formally apply until after a positive outcome from my final review, which is likely to take place in late June, it is recommended I have a 'clear' idea of where I may apply once that time comes. Clear? Well, me being me, I need things painted in BIG, HUGE CAPITAL LETTERS, as I can take a while to get the hint.
But I have, on occasion, been looking at the vacancy list on the Kirk website. There are some which seem to have been there for years. Yes, there may be reasons, but I wonder if it's a bit like the property market (especially when things are going well). When a house has been on the market for ages, people assume there's something wrong with it, but it might be perfect. Some of the long term vacancies may be the same. Not that I am saying that's where I will go, but I won't automatically disregard them.
As I look, there's the things which aren't there. Details of how to look at the parish profile without contacting the interim moderator. I only want a neb, not to implicitly indicate interest. In my opinion, if a church has a website, that should be used as a 'recuritment' page as much as direct contact, Life and Work adverts etc. And, if a church doesn't have a web presence, in some shape or form (even if it's a facebook page - and, well, I'm not exactly a fan of that platform, am I?) how does it reach beyond the 'normal' congregation or reach potentially their prefect minister, who lives at the other end of the country, but through looking at their web present can, to a certain extent, get a feel for the church and community. Just a feel, but a feel never the less. I could go on about my opinion of the importance of a half decent website here, but I'll just link to Spot's post on the matter instead.
Today, I looked at the new adverts in the Life and Work. The way most of those are worded, it seems the congregations are wanting an all-singing, all-dancing minister who is brilliant at almost everything. While I am sure that is not the case, on the ground, unfortunately, that's the impression many leave me with. Oh, and if you're going to have a photo of the interior, could it have some people in it, please? Pretty please, with sugar and a cherry on top?
So, do I know where I am going? No. Do I know I need to begin thinking where I am going? Yes, but with as open a mind as I can, trying to pick my way through what's said and what's meant, remembering who I am following and what gifts and talents I have, as they will influence where I am called to serve. With the added factor of Spot also being called to a recognised ministry in the church. Life, it's fun and exciting, and a little bit terrifying too. I go in the assurance I am being prepared for a congregation and community and they are being prepared for me.
At the end of the review, the subject of 'looking for my own place' came up. Though I cannot formally apply until after a positive outcome from my final review, which is likely to take place in late June, it is recommended I have a 'clear' idea of where I may apply once that time comes. Clear? Well, me being me, I need things painted in BIG, HUGE CAPITAL LETTERS, as I can take a while to get the hint.
But I have, on occasion, been looking at the vacancy list on the Kirk website. There are some which seem to have been there for years. Yes, there may be reasons, but I wonder if it's a bit like the property market (especially when things are going well). When a house has been on the market for ages, people assume there's something wrong with it, but it might be perfect. Some of the long term vacancies may be the same. Not that I am saying that's where I will go, but I won't automatically disregard them.
As I look, there's the things which aren't there. Details of how to look at the parish profile without contacting the interim moderator. I only want a neb, not to implicitly indicate interest. In my opinion, if a church has a website, that should be used as a 'recuritment' page as much as direct contact, Life and Work adverts etc. And, if a church doesn't have a web presence, in some shape or form (even if it's a facebook page - and, well, I'm not exactly a fan of that platform, am I?) how does it reach beyond the 'normal' congregation or reach potentially their prefect minister, who lives at the other end of the country, but through looking at their web present can, to a certain extent, get a feel for the church and community. Just a feel, but a feel never the less. I could go on about my opinion of the importance of a half decent website here, but I'll just link to Spot's post on the matter instead.
Today, I looked at the new adverts in the Life and Work. The way most of those are worded, it seems the congregations are wanting an all-singing, all-dancing minister who is brilliant at almost everything. While I am sure that is not the case, on the ground, unfortunately, that's the impression many leave me with. Oh, and if you're going to have a photo of the interior, could it have some people in it, please? Pretty please, with sugar and a cherry on top?
So, do I know where I am going? No. Do I know I need to begin thinking where I am going? Yes, but with as open a mind as I can, trying to pick my way through what's said and what's meant, remembering who I am following and what gifts and talents I have, as they will influence where I am called to serve. With the added factor of Spot also being called to a recognised ministry in the church. Life, it's fun and exciting, and a little bit terrifying too. I go in the assurance I am being prepared for a congregation and community and they are being prepared for me.
Tuesday, 30 December 2014
Ministry - finally, acceptance
Sunday was the first time, since beginning probation, that I've been leading worship where The Boss wasn't around - either sitting up front or in the pews. Had to be when it was readings and carols, so most of my role was making sure things went smoothly, which wasn't that onerous in this congregation.
Though sharing the service with members of the congregation (who were reading the lessons) and the parish assistant, I was very much seen by the congregation as being 'in charge' (oh, if only they knew...) and being 'the minister' in The Boss' absence. And for once, maybe really for the first time, that didn't daunt or terrify me at all. I seem to have 'finally' got, in a deep and real way that I am a minister (let's not get too pedantic about not technically being one until ordained, I'm looking inwards towards my calling and outwards towards how others perceive me).
This feeling, this sense of acceptance in a 'new' way is really hard to explain and I wonder if I am alone in the feeling that somehow, all along, I was going to be 'found out'? I doubt it, but few would want to admit it (or maybe even realise it wasn't truly there).
I do know having a mirror put up to me, by my support group and supervisor, combined with the total immersion in the life and work of Airside for 6 months has allowed this part of my formation (oh, I do hate using that phrase!) take place. I know an unwillingness to fully embrace who I am was out of fear I would lose who I am, if that makes sense at all? God calls me to be a minister, so gifts me with the skills and talents to be a minister, therefore I become a minister, I am a minister, in following and responding to that call. (Ooo, this is a bit deep, isn't it?).
I don't think this process will be complete, ever. Though a minister, I still want to be Mrs G - I am Mrs G and the 2 are inseparable, but there will be times where people will only see 'the minister', no matter what I do. And with that comes certain expectations, some right, some wrong. Sorting out which are which, and which is right for my calling will be an interesting challenge. And sometimes busting people's ideas of what a minister is like is no bad thing. God called someone like me, after all.
In a slightly bizarre twist, I find I am trying to be a better, more circumspect, more listening, more reflective, more compassionate person as I try to live up (or grow up?) to where God is leading me. I suppose it's a bit like getting fit for cycling. A couple of miles is hard graft when you've not cycled for years, with the need to get off the bike and push for any hill. With perseverance and determination, cycling trips become longer and easier, the hills taken with pleasure, rather than pain. All because there was the willingness to keep trying, to keep going, and to enjoy the hurl down the other side of the hill, with minimal effort (or nailing it in the hope I'll get up to 40mph - yes, this has happened!).
I can't believe how far I've travelled these last 6 months (or is it 6 years?). It's been fun, challenging, difficult at times, but mainly fun. That's how I know this is my calling, because I believe everyone has one and, the way we know is that we enjoy it, deeply and fully, even in the hard and difficult times, because it is what the deepest parts of our souls' know is the right thing for us to be doing. Ministry is it for me.
Next week, I have my interim review. I pray it goes well and God is with those present (especially me!). Then bring on 2015 and all the excitement and risks and challenges it will bring.
Though sharing the service with members of the congregation (who were reading the lessons) and the parish assistant, I was very much seen by the congregation as being 'in charge' (oh, if only they knew...) and being 'the minister' in The Boss' absence. And for once, maybe really for the first time, that didn't daunt or terrify me at all. I seem to have 'finally' got, in a deep and real way that I am a minister (let's not get too pedantic about not technically being one until ordained, I'm looking inwards towards my calling and outwards towards how others perceive me).
This feeling, this sense of acceptance in a 'new' way is really hard to explain and I wonder if I am alone in the feeling that somehow, all along, I was going to be 'found out'? I doubt it, but few would want to admit it (or maybe even realise it wasn't truly there).
I do know having a mirror put up to me, by my support group and supervisor, combined with the total immersion in the life and work of Airside for 6 months has allowed this part of my formation (oh, I do hate using that phrase!) take place. I know an unwillingness to fully embrace who I am was out of fear I would lose who I am, if that makes sense at all? God calls me to be a minister, so gifts me with the skills and talents to be a minister, therefore I become a minister, I am a minister, in following and responding to that call. (Ooo, this is a bit deep, isn't it?).
I don't think this process will be complete, ever. Though a minister, I still want to be Mrs G - I am Mrs G and the 2 are inseparable, but there will be times where people will only see 'the minister', no matter what I do. And with that comes certain expectations, some right, some wrong. Sorting out which are which, and which is right for my calling will be an interesting challenge. And sometimes busting people's ideas of what a minister is like is no bad thing. God called someone like me, after all.
In a slightly bizarre twist, I find I am trying to be a better, more circumspect, more listening, more reflective, more compassionate person as I try to live up (or grow up?) to where God is leading me. I suppose it's a bit like getting fit for cycling. A couple of miles is hard graft when you've not cycled for years, with the need to get off the bike and push for any hill. With perseverance and determination, cycling trips become longer and easier, the hills taken with pleasure, rather than pain. All because there was the willingness to keep trying, to keep going, and to enjoy the hurl down the other side of the hill, with minimal effort (or nailing it in the hope I'll get up to 40mph - yes, this has happened!).
I can't believe how far I've travelled these last 6 months (or is it 6 years?). It's been fun, challenging, difficult at times, but mainly fun. That's how I know this is my calling, because I believe everyone has one and, the way we know is that we enjoy it, deeply and fully, even in the hard and difficult times, because it is what the deepest parts of our souls' know is the right thing for us to be doing. Ministry is it for me.
Next week, I have my interim review. I pray it goes well and God is with those present (especially me!). Then bring on 2015 and all the excitement and risks and challenges it will bring.
Tuesday, 27 May 2014
A love which will not die
There are many, many people who have influenced my faith journey over the years. Some, in passing, some for a time, some for most of my life. Of one person, I used to say it was their 'fault' I was training for ministry.
They were part of the church I grew up in, leading Bible Class (though we would not 'allow' ourselves to be called that - we were the kitchen crowd because that's where we met and drank a lot of tea!), youth club and generally being around.
A couple of times a year - usually in the lead up to Easter and Christmas - the kitchen crowd would prepare and lead worship in local care homes and homes of housebound members of the congregation. It was there I began to be nurtured and taught (and shown a God-given gift) the practise of preparing and leading worship. I also saw how important these acts of worship were for those the group visited. Not only due to the fact the church was going to the people, but that young people cared enough to go to them, to listen to them, to be with them. And I loved it. I loved being with those people, as they wanted to share their stories with us, they wanted to hear ours too. Most importantly, I loved it because I saw (even then) how much it brightened their day, knowing the church had not forgotten them. Actually, that the church cared enough to send some of its youngest members to some of it's oldest.
It was after one of those services, in a care home, a lady asked me if I was going to be a minister. The answer was no, then, but that was the seed being sown. The seed which took 20 years to begin to germinate and, almost 6 years since I began enquiry, grow and begin to blossom. A seed which may not have been sown had the kitchen crown headed off to take services in care homes and the homes of the housebound.
The person I started this post about died last week. He had been ill for a long time, but it was still a shock to discover. The time he died would have been when he would have been about to leave to go to church. And today, many will gather to mourn his passing and celebrate his life. A life which was dedicated to a love of God and a love of others. A love which helped me in my journey of faith and calling. A love which will live on in those who knew and loved him also.
They were part of the church I grew up in, leading Bible Class (though we would not 'allow' ourselves to be called that - we were the kitchen crowd because that's where we met and drank a lot of tea!), youth club and generally being around.
A couple of times a year - usually in the lead up to Easter and Christmas - the kitchen crowd would prepare and lead worship in local care homes and homes of housebound members of the congregation. It was there I began to be nurtured and taught (and shown a God-given gift) the practise of preparing and leading worship. I also saw how important these acts of worship were for those the group visited. Not only due to the fact the church was going to the people, but that young people cared enough to go to them, to listen to them, to be with them. And I loved it. I loved being with those people, as they wanted to share their stories with us, they wanted to hear ours too. Most importantly, I loved it because I saw (even then) how much it brightened their day, knowing the church had not forgotten them. Actually, that the church cared enough to send some of its youngest members to some of it's oldest.
It was after one of those services, in a care home, a lady asked me if I was going to be a minister. The answer was no, then, but that was the seed being sown. The seed which took 20 years to begin to germinate and, almost 6 years since I began enquiry, grow and begin to blossom. A seed which may not have been sown had the kitchen crown headed off to take services in care homes and the homes of the housebound.
The person I started this post about died last week. He had been ill for a long time, but it was still a shock to discover. The time he died would have been when he would have been about to leave to go to church. And today, many will gather to mourn his passing and celebrate his life. A life which was dedicated to a love of God and a love of others. A love which helped me in my journey of faith and calling. A love which will live on in those who knew and loved him also.
Friday, 25 October 2013
The road goes on, even when it seems to disappear
Recently, I have been reflecting on my call to ministry in the Church of Scotland. This is coming alongside looking at prayer and faith and justice in the lectionary readings the the last couple of weeks.
I have always had a deep sense of things being fair - it's not equity, but its about taking a person's circumstances, experiences and willingness to learn into account. It's also taking into account the variabilities in placements and the experiences which can be drawn from each one. That's why, for my formal placements, I chose to go to a wide range of churches. The Kirk is a diverse place and I wanted to gain experience in this diversity as far as I could. That doesn't even take into account my time 'up north.'
A few weeks ago I heard faith described as a windy road. When you are driving along that road, there are bends and dips and crests. Sometimes you have to concentrate so hard on the road that you loose track of the destination or the road seems to disappear over the hill. But you never doubt the road is there, you never imagine it will end in a dropping precipice where the tarmac seems to finish. And the destination is still there, it's just necessary to concentrate in the here and now to safely travel along. Yes, at the moment I do wonder where the road is heading and sometimes feel I'm looking at the here and now so much that I am loosing sight of the destination.
So I pray. I pray because I have to, I cannot help myself. I know it makes a difference, though exactly how I do not know. I also have others praying for me, even people where I think I should be praying for them (and I do).
Someone keeps reminding me that God's got my back. Right now, I trust that's the case - I cling to that. And I go on, not giving up, because I know I am on this journey because God has called me. I knew it would not be easy at times and know he does not test you more than you can cope with.
I have always had a deep sense of things being fair - it's not equity, but its about taking a person's circumstances, experiences and willingness to learn into account. It's also taking into account the variabilities in placements and the experiences which can be drawn from each one. That's why, for my formal placements, I chose to go to a wide range of churches. The Kirk is a diverse place and I wanted to gain experience in this diversity as far as I could. That doesn't even take into account my time 'up north.'
A few weeks ago I heard faith described as a windy road. When you are driving along that road, there are bends and dips and crests. Sometimes you have to concentrate so hard on the road that you loose track of the destination or the road seems to disappear over the hill. But you never doubt the road is there, you never imagine it will end in a dropping precipice where the tarmac seems to finish. And the destination is still there, it's just necessary to concentrate in the here and now to safely travel along. Yes, at the moment I do wonder where the road is heading and sometimes feel I'm looking at the here and now so much that I am loosing sight of the destination.
So I pray. I pray because I have to, I cannot help myself. I know it makes a difference, though exactly how I do not know. I also have others praying for me, even people where I think I should be praying for them (and I do).
Someone keeps reminding me that God's got my back. Right now, I trust that's the case - I cling to that. And I go on, not giving up, because I know I am on this journey because God has called me. I knew it would not be easy at times and know he does not test you more than you can cope with.
Thursday, 4 July 2013
Here?
I've now been in the "Frozen wastes of the north" (as a friend put it, they know who they are!) for 5 weeks. So, it's half way through my work experience and I can't believe how quickly the time has flown in.
The concerning thing is there is a number of the congregation who seem to want me as their minister. Now, while that's a huge complement, they've only heard me preach 3 times (though I am aware that's more often than the average congregation hears a sole nominee) and theologically I suspect I may be miles away from those who would make that decision.
Besides, I really don't feel called here. Before I headed north, I wondered if this experience may point me towards a calling as a 'proper' rural minister - Spot told me I'd be on my own, as what would he have to do, both work wise and as someone called to OLM. After all, there is already an auxiliary attached to the congregations.
And, me being me, I've seen too many things I'd want to change - with the knowledge there is a strong resistance to change and a limited pool of people in the congregation who could help.
But, at the end of the day there isn't that spark, that certain something which I don't know what it would be, but I am fairly sure that when I am called I will feel it. Besides, the congregations have been vacant for pushing 3 years. I have over 2 years (at least) until I am finished training. That would be a real shame for the congregations and the communities they serve.
The concerning thing is there is a number of the congregation who seem to want me as their minister. Now, while that's a huge complement, they've only heard me preach 3 times (though I am aware that's more often than the average congregation hears a sole nominee) and theologically I suspect I may be miles away from those who would make that decision.
Besides, I really don't feel called here. Before I headed north, I wondered if this experience may point me towards a calling as a 'proper' rural minister - Spot told me I'd be on my own, as what would he have to do, both work wise and as someone called to OLM. After all, there is already an auxiliary attached to the congregations.
And, me being me, I've seen too many things I'd want to change - with the knowledge there is a strong resistance to change and a limited pool of people in the congregation who could help.
But, at the end of the day there isn't that spark, that certain something which I don't know what it would be, but I am fairly sure that when I am called I will feel it. Besides, the congregations have been vacant for pushing 3 years. I have over 2 years (at least) until I am finished training. That would be a real shame for the congregations and the communities they serve.
Thursday, 20 June 2013
Glass half full
I tend to have a glass half full attitude. I know that sometimes doesn't come across here, but I try to be optimistic. I also have a nothing ventured, nothing gained sort of mentality.
Yes, I am away from home for the summer (again), but I look at the positives of gaining valuable experience and having the chance to live in a truly beautiful area.
I have been involved with many things, both before and since I began training for ministry, where the church meets people where they are, serving their needs and commecting with their lives. That may not have led to more 'bums on seats' on a Sunday morning, but that, for me, isn't the point. It's about taking the good news of God's love to people. It's about sowing seeds. How they will be received and grow will differ, but who will sow them if not us?
So, I get a bit twitchy when I constantly hear moaning that one church or another (usually, it's a small number who do all the hard work and the moaners have little or nothing to do with the poject in my experience) is doing this or that in the schools or through holiday clubs, but there are no more coming to church. I usually refer them to the parable of the sower. But I also womder if those in the communities those churches serve pick up on the pervailing attitude of the congregation and that puts them off. It certainly would put me off.
I know it takes a lot of effort and time and, in many cases, money even to do things outwith the church's walls or over and above the Sunday service. But does God not bless a cheerful giver? Will not God, in his own way and in his own time, feed and water those seeds, so they may grow in his light and love? A light and love that only his body - the church - can take into the world.
So, wherever I am called, I pray it's to a glass half full and give it a go sort of place. After all, that's who I am and I believe that's where God is calling me.
Yes, I am away from home for the summer (again), but I look at the positives of gaining valuable experience and having the chance to live in a truly beautiful area.
I have been involved with many things, both before and since I began training for ministry, where the church meets people where they are, serving their needs and commecting with their lives. That may not have led to more 'bums on seats' on a Sunday morning, but that, for me, isn't the point. It's about taking the good news of God's love to people. It's about sowing seeds. How they will be received and grow will differ, but who will sow them if not us?
So, I get a bit twitchy when I constantly hear moaning that one church or another (usually, it's a small number who do all the hard work and the moaners have little or nothing to do with the poject in my experience) is doing this or that in the schools or through holiday clubs, but there are no more coming to church. I usually refer them to the parable of the sower. But I also womder if those in the communities those churches serve pick up on the pervailing attitude of the congregation and that puts them off. It certainly would put me off.
I know it takes a lot of effort and time and, in many cases, money even to do things outwith the church's walls or over and above the Sunday service. But does God not bless a cheerful giver? Will not God, in his own way and in his own time, feed and water those seeds, so they may grow in his light and love? A light and love that only his body - the church - can take into the world.
So, wherever I am called, I pray it's to a glass half full and give it a go sort of place. After all, that's who I am and I believe that's where God is calling me.
Monday, 27 May 2013
Paying for calling
It's more than 20 years since I first felt called to ministry. Until I finally 'gave in' it cropped up in a lot of ways. But I still resisted. I was too young; I was too inexperienced; I wasn't academic enough; I wasn't....[insert appropriate excuse here]. Looking back, the experiences, jobs, encounters, interests and general life I've had have all been training me for where I am now (and where I will go). It's pretty cool, but exceptionally humbling to realise God's been in it all along (though, quite why I should be surprised by that, I do not know!).
When I began the enquiry process, one thing which was a bit of a concern was how spot and I could afford it. We do not (despite the motorbike) have an extravagant lifestyle, but there's still bills to pay, transport costs and food to buy. It all mounts up. When we sat down to work it all out, we could manage on spot's salary, just. That was okay. Now, 2 years into training, things have been a lot better than we expected. God really does give what you need.
We are very lucky and we are very grateful. But I wonder if our circumstance had been different, if I'd have thought twice about full-time word and sacrament. What if our circumstances were different? I know from our experience God has been very generous to us, but it's a huge risk. And we don't have childcare or massive travelling costs to deal with.
I honestly don't know, as I've not had to deal with that. I am pretty sure there must be people in their late twenties, early thirties, with mortgages, children and spouses all to juggle, where going without their salary for up to 4 years while they study for a degree just isn't a realistic option. God may provide, but how is the question they have.
I know one of the topics discussed at this years assembly was the lack of people under 45 training for ministry. While the pool of people in that age group in the Kirk is comparatively small, I do think deep and real financial concerns are as much a barrier to those called to ministry as any feeling of a lack of experience.
What's to be done? I don't know. What I do know is I'd hate to think there are people out there who are called to ministry who just can't afford to do it.
When I began the enquiry process, one thing which was a bit of a concern was how spot and I could afford it. We do not (despite the motorbike) have an extravagant lifestyle, but there's still bills to pay, transport costs and food to buy. It all mounts up. When we sat down to work it all out, we could manage on spot's salary, just. That was okay. Now, 2 years into training, things have been a lot better than we expected. God really does give what you need.
We are very lucky and we are very grateful. But I wonder if our circumstance had been different, if I'd have thought twice about full-time word and sacrament. What if our circumstances were different? I know from our experience God has been very generous to us, but it's a huge risk. And we don't have childcare or massive travelling costs to deal with.
I honestly don't know, as I've not had to deal with that. I am pretty sure there must be people in their late twenties, early thirties, with mortgages, children and spouses all to juggle, where going without their salary for up to 4 years while they study for a degree just isn't a realistic option. God may provide, but how is the question they have.
I know one of the topics discussed at this years assembly was the lack of people under 45 training for ministry. While the pool of people in that age group in the Kirk is comparatively small, I do think deep and real financial concerns are as much a barrier to those called to ministry as any feeling of a lack of experience.
What's to be done? I don't know. What I do know is I'd hate to think there are people out there who are called to ministry who just can't afford to do it.
Friday, 31 August 2012
All called by God
As Spot was going through enquiry a few people wondered how that would work out, with me training for full-time ministry. Neither of us were too worried, believing if us both being called to ministry was part of God's plan, he'd know how things were going to pan out.
But there aren't many people I've heard saying to someone who's husband's a teacher or wife's a doctor "who is your call going to fit in with their call to teach or medicine?".I know there are a few, but many people focus so much on the 'up-front', trained by the Kirk ministries. As far as I am concerned, everyone has a call from God. They are all significant to God, even if they may not seem that significant to society. In our marriage, Spot and I support each other with our calls. Both extend far beyond trained ministry. We have supported each others calls which got us to the place we are today and would have continued to do so if our paths hadn't moved in the direction they have.
But how does the church support, affirm and encourage calls throughout members of congregations' lives? I believe that can come through the pulpit and pastoral encounters, as well as letting others bring their own gifts to God, in the life and worship of the church, but also in their day to day lives. It is there most in this country see Christ - in the lives of his followers. If Christians are not encouraged to see their ordinary, daily lives are their call, how will they feel their lives touching others as they do work, rest and play and, in doing so, are following God's call in their lives?
This is something I need to keep in mind, but also one of the reasons I pushed going into ministry for so long, as I objected (and still do to a certain extent) to the singling out of people in the church, but understand ever community needs a leader and shepherd. I pray I remember this and become the kind of leader who ensures the people in the church I serve see their calls as valued by God as anyone else in the church's call, what ever that may be.
But there aren't many people I've heard saying to someone who's husband's a teacher or wife's a doctor "who is your call going to fit in with their call to teach or medicine?".I know there are a few, but many people focus so much on the 'up-front', trained by the Kirk ministries. As far as I am concerned, everyone has a call from God. They are all significant to God, even if they may not seem that significant to society. In our marriage, Spot and I support each other with our calls. Both extend far beyond trained ministry. We have supported each others calls which got us to the place we are today and would have continued to do so if our paths hadn't moved in the direction they have.
But how does the church support, affirm and encourage calls throughout members of congregations' lives? I believe that can come through the pulpit and pastoral encounters, as well as letting others bring their own gifts to God, in the life and worship of the church, but also in their day to day lives. It is there most in this country see Christ - in the lives of his followers. If Christians are not encouraged to see their ordinary, daily lives are their call, how will they feel their lives touching others as they do work, rest and play and, in doing so, are following God's call in their lives?
This is something I need to keep in mind, but also one of the reasons I pushed going into ministry for so long, as I objected (and still do to a certain extent) to the singling out of people in the church, but understand ever community needs a leader and shepherd. I pray I remember this and become the kind of leader who ensures the people in the church I serve see their calls as valued by God as anyone else in the church's call, what ever that may be.
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