Waiting to cross

I can't quite work out of this is a self-portrait or a photo of a bridge, where I just happen to be in silhouette.Either way, it could say a lot about me.

I hate getting my photo taken. Always have done, always will do. I much, much prefer to be behind the camera. (Probably wasn't a good idea marrying a photographer...). I don't entirely recall when I developed my dislike for getting my photo taken, but being a bespectacled child (where no-one else my age wore them) with a weight problem didn't help.

I started wearing glasses when 3 years old. Even now, that's pretty young. Then, it was extremely unusual. It was great, suddenly I didn't need to read with the text almost at the point of my nose (yes, I could read before I got glasses!) and see things in a way I'd never done before. Being so small meant I don't appreciate just how unusual me wearing glasses was.

Until I went to school. At nursery, no one had bothered, but school was different. I recall being forced to remove my glasses for my primary 1 photo by my teacher. The photographer said I should, I said "But I can't see without them". My teacher took them off me. Consequently, everyone else in my primary 1 photo is looking at the camera, except me. Yes, my eyesight was that bad. That happened in primary 2 and 3 also. It was only when I got to primary 4 I had a teacher which respected my need for glasses and told the photographer where to go. So, early experiences of having my photo taken weren't exactly what I could call positive.

So, imagine my horror when last week a member of my church was talking about photos her and her husband have of me taken almost 30 years ago. I was aware they had taken them, vaguely. They know what they looked like in too well for my liking, as though they had been looking through them. Call me paranoid, but I hope my home church isn't going to try a photo-montage "good-bye" thingy. I know it would be because they care, but I really don't think they could possibly imagine how much I really, really, really wouldn't want to see those photos, especially in a public display. But, as I said, I'm probably just being paranoid.

Anyway, moving onto the photo being of a bridge...


I've always had a fascination with bridges, of all ages, sizes and construction types. I think I must have taken hundreds of photos of bridges over the years.

I could be all deep and meaningful here and say something about bridges overcoming both man-made and natural barriers, but I won't. Yes, they can serve that purpose, but I just like them. Besides, in this case, the need for the bridge isn't there anymore as the railway it once went over was lost following the Beeching report. I don't analyse why I like them, I just do.

Looking at this photo, though, makes me think here I am waiting. Waiting to start university. Waiting to start ministry training. Waiting to follow where God would lead me. I've had to do a lot of waiting these last (almost) 3 years. Waiting to begin my first placement. Waiting to begin my second placement. Waiting to go to national assessment conference. Waiting to obtain my university place.

But, it's all good. I am waiting for the Lord and he is giving me strength. Bridges. They have strength to cross barriers. Sometimes, depending on the type of bridge, it's even necessary to wait to cross the bridge. I am waiting to step onto the bridge I need to cross to get where God needs me to be. If I analysed this photo, I suppose that is what it would say.