Waiting

It's not often I'll quote from the King James version, but it's translation of Isaiah 40:31 are most appropriate:

But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

 In the 3 years since I finally, for want of a better phrase, said yes to God.

I had to wait from June to September to begin my first placement.

I had to wait to recover from the crash.

I had to wait to begin the extension to my co-ordinated field assessment.

I had to wait 5 months between local assessment and national assessment.

I had to wait over a year to begin university, as I hadn't applied when 121 had advised me.

Now, I'm waiting to find out if my results from Aberdeen university are sufficient for Edinburgh to confirm my place. (If they aren't I think I'll scream, and scream, and scream until I'm sick!!!)

It's all worked out really well though.


I've had two placements at two very different churches, where the ministers had very different styles. So, that's opened my eyes to how that affects how the church is perceived locally.

I've proven to myself I'm not thick. 10 years in my last place of work can do that to a person. Also, I wasn't that studious first time round. I know my results have definitely given me a confidence boast for going back full-time to uni.

I've (so far) had 4 months of chilling/doing my own thing/resting time. It's allowed me partly to concentrate on my studies (while I was undertaking them) and try/do things that I wanted done/to try. It's not often in life opportunities like this come along and once in ministry, it's going to be a long, long time before I can have 6 months off!!!

I've looked back at my placements and associated reports and seen how I've changed. Especially since last year. It's hard to articulate, but I can feel it's happened. I feel I am growing into my own skin and becoming comfortable with who I really am. After all, that's who God called because have a specific range of experiences and skills. Skills and experiences which God needs to undertake his mission for wherever I go. (A bit daunting that one, but with God with me, who can be against me?!).

Without all this waiting, I wouldn't be where I am now, psychologically as well as temporally (it's a bit Doctor Who'ish if I think about it too hard...). Since I had to begin my "main" waiting, through deferring beginning studies until this year, I have been convinced it's all happened as God has a specific place he needs me to go once I'm finished which will not become available at the right time, unless I'd waited. Quite what and where that is, God only knows. The adventure following his path to find it has been interesting, exciting and revelational (if daunting at times too), so far. It's only going to get better and better as I continue on this path. I'm sure the view's going to be amazing!

Waiting to cross

I can't quite work out of this is a self-portrait or a photo of a bridge, where I just happen to be in silhouette.Either way, it could say a lot about me.

I hate getting my photo taken. Always have done, always will do. I much, much prefer to be behind the camera. (Probably wasn't a good idea marrying a photographer...). I don't entirely recall when I developed my dislike for getting my photo taken, but being a bespectacled child (where no-one else my age wore them) with a weight problem didn't help.

I started wearing glasses when 3 years old. Even now, that's pretty young. Then, it was extremely unusual. It was great, suddenly I didn't need to read with the text almost at the point of my nose (yes, I could read before I got glasses!) and see things in a way I'd never done before. Being so small meant I don't appreciate just how unusual me wearing glasses was.

Until I went to school. At nursery, no one had bothered, but school was different. I recall being forced to remove my glasses for my primary 1 photo by my teacher. The photographer said I should, I said "But I can't see without them". My teacher took them off me. Consequently, everyone else in my primary 1 photo is looking at the camera, except me. Yes, my eyesight was that bad. That happened in primary 2 and 3 also. It was only when I got to primary 4 I had a teacher which respected my need for glasses and told the photographer where to go. So, early experiences of having my photo taken weren't exactly what I could call positive.

So, imagine my horror when last week a member of my church was talking about photos her and her husband have of me taken almost 30 years ago. I was aware they had taken them, vaguely. They know what they looked like in too well for my liking, as though they had been looking through them. Call me paranoid, but I hope my home church isn't going to try a photo-montage "good-bye" thingy. I know it would be because they care, but I really don't think they could possibly imagine how much I really, really, really wouldn't want to see those photos, especially in a public display. But, as I said, I'm probably just being paranoid.

Anyway, moving onto the photo being of a bridge...


I've always had a fascination with bridges, of all ages, sizes and construction types. I think I must have taken hundreds of photos of bridges over the years.

I could be all deep and meaningful here and say something about bridges overcoming both man-made and natural barriers, but I won't. Yes, they can serve that purpose, but I just like them. Besides, in this case, the need for the bridge isn't there anymore as the railway it once went over was lost following the Beeching report. I don't analyse why I like them, I just do.

Looking at this photo, though, makes me think here I am waiting. Waiting to start university. Waiting to start ministry training. Waiting to follow where God would lead me. I've had to do a lot of waiting these last (almost) 3 years. Waiting to begin my first placement. Waiting to begin my second placement. Waiting to go to national assessment conference. Waiting to obtain my university place.

But, it's all good. I am waiting for the Lord and he is giving me strength. Bridges. They have strength to cross barriers. Sometimes, depending on the type of bridge, it's even necessary to wait to cross the bridge. I am waiting to step onto the bridge I need to cross to get where God needs me to be. If I analysed this photo, I suppose that is what it would say.

Good Times

I had a lovely afternoon on Monday chatting with my ministers. Mainly, the visit had been arranged to talk over my success at assessment conference, but we spoke about so much else.

I did let them read my report from the conference - they were very impressed. That's good; imagine if they read it and thought "they let people in with a report like that!".

One of my ministers had been in touch with a friend of hers who works closely with Prof. David Fergusson of Edinburgh uni, who had given her advice to contact him for help. Although I'd already persuaded that avenue unsuccessfully, I was touched she'd gone to the effort for me. At the moment, I'm going for the attitude of try clearing, but I won't get my hopes up too much. I suppose I'm fairly resigned to the fact I might not be able to begin training until next year. I've said it before and I'll say it again - it's all meant.

So, what to do with myself. I'm already involved in the closing service for the church organisations at the end of June. My ministers and I were bouncing ideas around on Monday and I even came up with the "title" of the service - Growing Stones. No doubt, I'll get roped into various other services etc. It would be good if I could get a chance at other churches in my presbytery. Just need to see what comes up.

So, that's about it for now. I'm sure I'll have plenty to talk about soon enough!!!