The winding path

This Sunday, I'm leading prayers at my home churches. This is the first time since Christmas that I have been involved leading worship. Prior to starting my distance learning courses, I was involved with leading worship on a regular basis. Between full-time work and course work, that wasn't really an option. Not if I wanted some sort of sanity.

Over the following couple of Sundays I'm doing pulpit supply while my ministers are on holiday. It's a great privilege to be asked to do this again. I'm pretty much asked to do the service (or parts) and allowed a free hand on what I say, how's it's presented etc. My ministers are happy to help if I need advice or guidance, but they don't check what I'm doing before hand (though I do get feedback after, which is great for the learning process). I know my ministers want to be supportive of me while I'm in limbo awaiting the beginning of my training, but I suspect they wouldn't give me as free a hand if they thought I sucked!

I know from comments I've heard directly and indirectly, my home churches appreciate my way of leading worship.In some ways, I suppose, they could be the most critical audience, as to some members of the congregation I am and always will be "Little Mrs Gerbil". The flip side to that is some have known me so long they don't want to offend me by criticising what I do in leading worship.


Something I am becoming more and more aware of, as I time inextricably ticks down to the beginning of my training, is how difficult I may find going back to square one. Starting doing the occasional prayer, children's address or sermon. Having, perhaps, my preparation examined before I lead worship, to ensure it is of a suitable standard and ties in with the service theme. Perhaps not being given a free hand to at least try things. Okay, they might not work - at all or in that context - but trying and making mistakes surely has to be part of the training process.

The other thing I am becoming increasingly aware of is how little time I have left with my home church. There are many things coming to an end. In particular, at the end of June, I am giving up leading at their youth club. That is something which will be very strange. I really enjoy being there and get on very well with the kids. Unfortunately, there's a chance with me gone there may no longer be sufficient leaders for it to continue, which makes me a bit guilty.  Who knows, the placements I have may have youth clubs and I'd want to be involved with those.

I know I need to step away from my home church to grow and learn in a new environment. An environment where I will question as well as learn. I won't just take it for granted something is done in a particular way, but ask "Why?".

The path following my call has been a long one. At times, is hasn't been easy. At times, I've almost given up. It has also been an amazing, exciting walk with God. Leaving my home church will be sad, but what an adventure awaits me? Bring it on!