Recently, I have been reflecting on my call to ministry in the Church of Scotland. This is coming alongside looking at prayer and faith and justice in the lectionary readings the the last couple of weeks.
I have always had a deep sense of things being fair - it's not equity, but its about taking a person's circumstances, experiences and willingness to learn into account. It's also taking into account the variabilities in placements and the experiences which can be drawn from each one. That's why, for my formal placements, I chose to go to a wide range of churches. The Kirk is a diverse place and I wanted to gain experience in this diversity as far as I could. That doesn't even take into account my time 'up north.'
A few weeks ago I heard faith described as a windy road. When you are driving along that road, there are bends and dips and crests. Sometimes you have to concentrate so hard on the road that you loose track of the destination or the road seems to disappear over the hill. But you never doubt the road is there, you never imagine it will end in a dropping precipice where the tarmac seems to finish. And the destination is still there, it's just necessary to concentrate in the here and now to safely travel along. Yes, at the moment I do wonder where the road is heading and sometimes feel I'm looking at the here and now so much that I am loosing sight of the destination.
So I pray. I pray because I have to, I cannot help myself. I know it makes a difference, though exactly how I do not know. I also have others praying for me, even people where I think I should be praying for them (and I do).
Someone keeps reminding me that God's got my back. Right now, I trust that's the case - I cling to that. And I go on, not giving up, because I know I am on this journey because God has called me. I knew it would not be easy at times and know he does not test you more than you can cope with.