The last year

I can hardly believe this time last year, I was about to begin a journey which would take me to visit Airside's twinned congregation in Malawi. It was an exciting opportunity and real privilege, which I know has lived with me since.

It was while in Malawi I began probation. I'm glad I was able to take the risk of going there - not only to an unknown place, but with an unknown group of people (and that was just those from Airside. Maybe I hadn't really thought about the fact if things hadn't gone well (with people being tired and not in their 'own' places, we can all be a little more grumpy than normal), especially as I was sharing a room with The Boss, probation may have been pretty awkward, to say the least!

But it was a great start and it's been a great year. Yes, there have been, especially in the early few weeks, a sense of me wondering 'should I really be here?' and me (stupidly and unfairly) comparing myself to The Boss. Once I got my head round I am who I am (oh, maybe I should rephrase that...) and I can only be the person God has called me, and to accept I am a minister, things started to fit into place. Consequently, I have become the minister I am now. And it's great.

I know I wouldn't be here without the support of many people. Spot, obviously; those who left positive and honest comments here over the years, especially during my struggles of enquiry - it was good to not have that sense of isolation I know some have during that; various supervisors and congregations. The biggest help this year has been The Boss, though she'll not take nearly as much credit for it as she should.

So here I am, 1 year on since the beginning of a journey at Airside. I can honestly say I have loved 99% of it and the other 1% was still good. God has certainly blessed me this year,

Which lead to a very positive final review the other day. The panel were broadly the same as those I met with at the half way point, so not an unknown quantity. I'm not sure how long these interviews are supposed to take - most people I've spoken to say 25 minutes or so. Then the probationer is invited to go outside, while the panel make their decision. I'm sure my interview only lasted 15 minutes maximum. The panel felt my and The Boss' reports were excellent (and I think they mean in terms of who I am as well as content). They asked a couple of questions, which were very specific to a couple of things I've been involved with and that was about it.

They didn't deliberate for long, a minute at most, and invited me back in to the good news that they are delighted with where I am and I may now begin the process of applying for my 'own' charge.

At the time, I was simply relieved. Not euphoric, not elated, just relieved that what I've done this year has been acknowledged and I was affirmed in my God given calling. It's only beginning to sink in.

Now, where is calling me to be their minister? Watch this space.

Everything Happens for a Reason

I had another meeting with my supervisor last night. It's strange, I was going to bring up the doors being closed during the service, but he's such a nice guy, it just didn't seem right. Also, something in the back of my mind told me not to mention it.

I did bring up my concerns about my supervisor having his day-to-day ministerial duties, training of the reader and my enquiry. Primarily, I am concerned he's going to have a lot to do. He didn't seem bothered at all. The roles (and learning process) the reader and I have to go through are very different, so he didn't feel that we'd be an issue. If anything, he thought it would be a benefit, as we can start doing more in the church, taking the burden off him. So, looks like God wants me to stay at my placement. I just hope I can do His call justice.

I have discovered, though, that no minister in the neighbouring presbytery to mine is taking anyone going with the enquiry process, so my presbytery is taking them. To be fair, the neighbouring presbytery has a lot of vacant charges (churches with no minister), so there isn't enough capacity for enquirers.

My supervisor asked me again about how long I'd felt called. I wasn't sure if he'd forgotten, was checking my "story" is consistent or to get more out of me. I did expand a little, but after my meeting I realised I'd held something back. When I first properly heard a call, I was 4th or 5th year at school (16 or 17). As I'd had hints in the past (people telling me I'd make a good minister - at that age!), somehow I knew this was what I should be doing and, I suppose, a little bit of me realised I would, one day.

I didn't know who to tell. Becoming a minister isn't something anyone does lightly. Although my Mum would be proud (aren't they all), I didn’t want to worry her. Also, she was very ill at the time and that would have just added to her stress. I decided to tell my best friend at school. Partly due to the (I thought) closeness of our relationship and partly as her Dad's a minister, so I thought she'd be understanding and would keep it confidential. I was wrong. She told one of my Ranger Guiders (it was during one of the meetings I told her). I can't remember what the both said when they , as I saw it, confronted me about it, but they weren't encouraging at all. They pretty much made fun of my call and told me never in a million years would I make a good one.

Now I think that's part of the reason I have waited so long to acknowledge and pursue my call. On the other hand, I doubt I'd be able to have gone through with this procedure and be a decent minister without the life experiences I now have. Yes, everything really does happen for a reason.