I can't apply for my 'own' church until July. And I really have little idea where, geographically at least, that may be. But over the last few week, and especially the last week, I have been asked where I'll go at almost every turn.
Now, I know I take a while to get a hint - it did, after all, take me nearly 20 years to actually do something about the nagging in the back from God. I am the sort of person where, in these sort of cases, I don't need subtlety. I need thing IN BIG BLOCK CAPITAL LETTERS, MAKING IT ABSOLUTELY CLEAR. But I know it won't work like that; it doesn't work like that. So, maybe God's getting me to get my finger out.
Yet I come back to my original statement, I can't apply until the beginning of July. Oh, and that assumes a positive outcome to my final review, which will be at the end of June. Yes, I can have an idea where I may go, even have some applications ready to fire off once I can apply, but that's 5 months away and some churches I may be interested in may have called a minister meantime.
I have to admit, though, I may be slightly burying my head in the sand. I know I am a minister - Airside Kirk is allowing that to grow and flourish. Everyone else (including The Boss) is certain I will find a church no problem - which is a huge complement. If I really start to think about it, it all gets a bit real. A bit, I need to move, I need to 'stand on my own two feet' (okay, so it's my feet, but with a big lean into God, without whom I couldn't do what I do), the responsibility of being The Minister. Not just a minister, probationer, or assistant, or whatever they want to call me at the moment.
And the more I think about it, the more I think that's the thing - I don't want to think about it. Sigh. Maybe I should wait for churches to start battering down my door, but the number of vacancies means there's plenty of choice.
A choice, but I need to be called. This isn't like any other job, it's deeply relational, deeply exposing myself to others, and deeply reliant on where God is calling me to be. With so much choice I have a genuine concern the 'right' church may not be that easy to find at all.
But maybe it will. And maybe I need to take on board people's advice, concern, interest and realise God is dropping a hint. When will I get it?