New boots

I've a confession to make. I have really conservative tastes when it comes to footwear. Basically, it's Doc Martens for work and play, Merrel  for trainers and brasher boots for hill walking. I know it makes me sound like a brand snob, but not being a shopper combined with the childhood trauma of literally spending hours getting a pair of school shoes which fitted, I know what fits and I will not deviate from that.

That said, I know when I get a new pair of docs, I have to wear then around the house for a couple of weeks to break them in. Yes, the are a good fit, but I need to make then mine. I give them a chance to become mine. I don't just put them on, walk around for a bit and go "sorry, they aren't okay". I know it will take a bit of patience and perseverance to get them "just right".

Once I've worn them around the house, I know they won't be right for anyone else. Not really. They are the made the same way as all other docs. They have the same sole, the same laces, the same materials. But the action of wear changes them. The develop a character of their own, based on how much I wear them, how I care for them and how I walk. All these factors have an influence on how my boots will appear to others.

It's much like people. We are all formed in the image of God. Our basic selves are like brand new boots. Unworn, lacking character and showing no signs of wear or care. Our lives are wearing in the boots. What life throws at us and the experiences we have through life, especially in the formative years, has visible effects on how we develop and grow and wear. And has a significant influence on how we show ourselves to the world.

I was badly bullied at school. Like many who are bullied, I was the easy target. Single parent, spec wearer (30 years ago, I was the only kid at primary school with glasses), a little overweight, pretty smart and I always wanted to help people. You can see why bullies attacked.

The bullies had been friends - people I had tried to help with sums and reading. They abused the trust I had put in them. So I learnt to put up barriers. I became determined to not let anyone get too close. That way they wouldn't be able to hurt me.

Looking back, I really hurt myself. There are probably many people over the years who I could have been friends with, but I just wouldn't allow it to happen. I am much better. I will take the risk of letting people in; of letting people care and love me.

My character is still influenced by the past. Like a scuff mark on a pair of well polished boots, if  you look close enough, you can see the mark. But the love and care of family and friends is the polish for me. Nourishing my soul and waterproofing my live against the weather I may come against.

All this possible only through the grace and love of God. God who loves me unconditionally, no matter my flaws. God, who has called me to ministry because of those flaws. Isn't God great?