In Praise of Positivity and other musings on my call

On Sunday, I felt totally different about going to my placement church. Gone was the feeling of emptiness and wanting to be at my home church. I felt positive. I had a positive attitude - this is to be my church for the remainder of the enquiry process - I think that made a huge difference to how I reacted to the church in general.

If you've been following this blog, you'll know I've felt it wasn't as friendly as it appeared. I take that back. The people were welcoming to me on the door; the congregation in the nearby pews chatted with me; I saw members of the congregation helping others; the minister thanked me for my contribution to the service...the list goes on.

Now, I think as I wasn't being positive (and, I must admit, possibly prejudges against my placement church) that made me see the negatives. No church is perfect. There are going to be things I don't like (I still have serious problems with the door locking thing), but the essence of the church is a community. My placement church is a community; a family caring for and supporting each other. They are letting me into that family and I am beginning to feel very privileged by that.

In other news, I have been looking at some of the paperwork I'll have to fill in when I go into the next stage of the process - the Co-ordinated field assessment (who ever came up with that name needs shot). They are all colour coded for ease of confusion! This stage of the enquiry process seems more structured. There are definite things that I have to do - take part in worship, engage with the congregation, do some reflective reading and keep a journal (that'll be this blog, then).

Near the beginning of the co-ordinated field assessment I have to meet with the Presbytery representative and a personal development interviewer (a psychologist of sorts). As my husband brilliantly put it, "does that mean that if you want to be a minister, you need your head read". I'm not 100% clear on what will happen at those meetings, but I'll blog on them once they happen

I know presbytery is meeting tonight. Somehow I think I may be mentioned at some point. I had considered visiting as some point, to see what it's like (if I become a minister, I will have to attend), but the Moderator is one of my ministers, the presbytery clerk is a leader at the
youth club I also lead at and the depute clerk is a member of my church. Basically, the entire front row of presbytery knows me well. I'd feel I was being watched all night. That said, I'd probably try to make at least on of them laugh at some point during proceedings!!! (I'm such a mature grown-up!)

Today my husband and I were chatting about me becoming a minister. He keeps saying when, whereas I say if. He thinks I'll make a good minister (he's bias). I feel my call is true. I have been aware of it and ignoring (reflecting and arguing against it) for a few years now. I also know I have been through a lot of things in my life which have really challenged and tested my faith. No matter what those things have been, and how much I have argued and fought God over them, I have never turned away - I know during those times He carried me. I have always know things happen for a reason. I also know there are plenty of biblical references to people with the greatest faith being tested the most.

Reflecting on my life experience, I know think this is the right time for me to pursue this call. I have been tested and loved. I have pain and loss. I have gifts from God and love for and from Him. I know when He is with me and I am with Him I will not fail. I pray God is with me during this enquiry. I want to serve His people through His call. I pray through His call, I may show His love to all I encounter through this journey, where ever it may lead me.