It's funny how a couple of conversations with different people, in different contexts, but with the same general subject in mind - namely my ministry training journey - has begun my change of heart. As you may have noticed, I have been writing less frequently and that which I have been writing is very dark and inward looking. Over the last couple of weeks, I've had some really challenging stuff to deal with and, if I never had to do it again, it really would be too soon.
But, in those conversations, both people reassured me I can do ministry. That I do have the gifts - pastoral, practical, preaching, reflecting etc - to be a good minister. Both of these people I respect a lot (which is not something I say lightly). While I know this from my own journey, from being with those I have served and how those I have served seem to take me to their hearts, in many ways all the personal reflection in the world counts for nothing if others do not see it the same way. So, their words and support have been extremely reassuring to me.
Ever since enquiry, all ministry candidates are told to be who they are. Those people who are supporting and encouraging me right now tell me that too. Sometimes the process makes me wonder if the Kirk really does want candidate to be themselves, but that's just the cynic in me. All I know God loves me and has called me because of who I am. So, I go on in the comfort of knowing others know that too. And I look at all that's happened since September, good and bad, as opportunities for growth and a chance to gain valuable experience. God's looking after me all the time.