God holds me up

It's a strange thing, but at every placement I have asked, where possible, to gain experience of difficult pastoral situations. Until the last week or so, a really difficult situation hadn't presented itself.

I was almost concerned I did not have difficult pastoral experience. Yes, I have gone into people's homes, but they were specifically selected and, though not just a 'nice wee chat', they were fairly straightforward. When at Highland Cathedral last year (which I keep forgetting I did a reasonable amount of pastoral work at), the list of people to visit was vetted by my supervisor. After, he get me to tell him about the people - an effective way to see if I'd listened. Though he never explicitly said he asked those I'd visited for their opinion on my visit, I would be surprised if that wasn't the case. (But, I digress, as I need to remind myself of this).

I know different people will have different ideas about what they may constitute, and maybe I've have had, if not difficult, some less than straightforward situations and did not realise it. Somehow, I knew I would get hit with a really difficult pastoral situation pretty early on. And now, it has come to pass.

In this situation, I am one of the people who is hurting. I am emotionally involved in the situation, as it affected very close friends. And tomorrow I must stand in front of them and minister to them. Later, I will talk and support them in ways I never dreamt and never, ever wanted to.

This is my call. Even to minister to those close to me. To express sorrow and pain and darkness and anger in their behalves. To offer hope and faith where they struggle to have any. To be with them and, I hope and pray - perhaps harder than I have ever hoped and prayer - that through my words and actions they will see God loves and cares for them. That in this most dark of time God is carrying them.

And I know I could not do this without the training I have been given. In the knowledge God's got my back and he holds me up to.