Getting hitched

This month, I've had the honour of being a guest at two weddings. One was a friend from my home church and the other my sister-in-law.

My church friend was married in church (no real surprises there!). The couple are both committed Christians, so it wasn't just my friend's choice to commit to her husband before God, her friends and family. In fact, knowing them, I'd imagine they wouldn't have really "felt" married if God wasn't part of their marriage commitment. It was a lovely service. My female minister does a very good service and is keen, if the couple wishes, for others to be involved in the service. My friend's sister read the bible lesson and her husband's Gran lead a prayer

My sister-in-law was married by the local registrar. Again, it was actually a nice ceremony, despite the more legal nature. The registrar really seemed to care about what he was saying, not just going though the motions. I was privileged to read a poem they had chosen. For my sister-in-law and her husband, they were committing themselves before their family and friends. In their time as a couple, they have been through a lot, with serious health and job worries, but have come out stronger than they went in.

I do not see either of these marriages being less valid than the other. Both couples have made a public declaration of their love, loyalty and commitment to each other. The type of ceremonies they chose reflected their beliefs.

Yet, I have encountered people who regard registrar (or worse, in their eyes, humanist weddings) as less valid than church weddings. Last Sunday, I was told by the wife of the locum minister (my ministers were on holiday) that my sister-in-law would be divorced within 2 years. I was completely appalled by that observation and obvious deep prejudice. This minister's wife told me my sister-in-law and her husband would not have properly committed to each other. "After all", she said, "a promise is a promise".

I didn't really get that argument. Surely if a promise is a promise, it doesn't matter where the promise was made? I asked her that and she was a little stumped and went on about her getting engaged (good argument, I could tell!!!). I told her about my mother- and father-in-law. They were married in a registry office and, if not for my father-in-law's death 3 years ago, would have been approaching 40 years of married. I think they kept their promise to each other.

Yes, the attitude I came across last week was only 1 woman's attitude, but how often does the church seem to portray that. Perhaps not from "on high", but from the folks on the ground. The people that the majority of the population take their stereotype of the church from. The very attitudes Jesus would have been appalled at and which stops people like my sister-in-law coming to find God.