Sharing Food

Eagleside had a Passover-style meal last night. It was an abridged version of a Jewish passover meal, with most of the ritual and symbolism they would include. The twist was the inclusion of references to the Last Supper, being the disciple's Passover meal on the night Jesus was arrested.

Generally, it was quite interesting and something I would consider trying in the future. One of the people there did ask if I now had my first Easter in my first charge sorted, but I said that might be too much for the first year and it would depend on having appropriate catering.

A couple of observations:

1. Last night was the tables were set up in groups, rather than one big cluster of tables. Consequently, there were some who had their backs to the speaker (I was among them). Given the size of the group, I think it may have been possible to have everyone around one big table, but the group size was boarder-line for that.
2. As I was driving, I did not have the wine available. Traditionally, wine is taken throughout the Passover meal and there were non-alcoholic alternatives available. When I refused the wine, someone mentioned it would only be a few sips I was having and I think they were quite taken aback when I mentioned I don't drink and drive at all and believe there is no safe limit. So now I think they see me as a bit of a prude. Well, I'd rather be one of them than have an accident. Even if I was under the limit, I would always wonder if alcohol played a part. That was one of the circumstances were, had I been the minister leading the meal, I would have either not driven or not drunk. I am all too aware ministers should try to do things which would not let others stumble (and I know no-one's perfect, least of all ministers and especially not me). But I do feel if people see you taking a particular course of action, even if it makes them feel uncomfortable, yet they see as perhaps the right thing to do they will respect and, hopefully, follow. Though I have to ensure they are following Jesus and not me.

At the end of the meal a couple of people were asking when I finish my placement. Officially it's Pentecost and I told them that, but also said I may leave a week or two before that so I have a break before my next placement. They all wanted to make sure they got to say goodbye and that it would be great if I could go back. I did let them know I wasn't in a position to have another placement there, though may visit.

One person told me there were people who didn't want me to leave and to stay to become their assistant minister. A great complement, though I wonder who 'we' are. Very humbling, though. But perhaps a congregation is more forgiving of a 'minister' if they know she is just there for a short period of time! Or perhaps I am being too hard on myself and accept people seem to have taken me to their hearts and the congregation appears proud to have been involved in my development and growth.

Going to church

When a couple you do not recognise pull into the church car park on a motorbike, the correct greeting is a smile and a 'Hello' or 'Good Morning'. Okay, they might not hear you because of their helmets, but they will see you are being welcoming, friendly and approachable.

The incorrect way of dealing with this couple is to glare at them, mutter among yourselves about the bike coming into the church car park and throw dirty looks over your shoulder as you walk from the car park to the church.

And this is a church which describes itself as friendly...

Often in churches, it's the welcome (or lack thereof) which determines of a person comes back. Getting treated badly before you've even crossed the door is not going to help win over people and make them see you are, as you see yourselves as friendly. Being friendly isn't about just those who are in, but those who aren't too.

Our Father

Over the last few weeks, I've been in situations where the concept of God as father has been discussed. Basically, the speaker has talked about how people with absent or abusive father must feel about God being described in such a way. In each case, the speaker has also mentioned their own very good relationship with their earthly father.

I wonder if they, and everyone who talks around this subject who themselves have a good paternal relationship, ever think to ask us. Really, go on, ask those of us in one of these situations what we think, not what you think we should think. I don't know, I feel it's a bit like some groups saying "you can't do that as it might insult this religious group" and the religious group sort of thinks "and your point is, caller?".

Okay, so I can only speak for myself, but it's never been a problem for me. If anything, I'd like to turn the question on its head and ask how, even with the best Dad in the world, he could ever be compared with God. No human (except Jesus, of course) has ever been perfect, so how is it possible to compare God with an imperfect human?

We need to find ways of describing the indescribable and referring to God as father is one. So is mother. But that's a cultural thing not really using that to describe God. Personally I go with the flow. If female attributes are used, I do wonder if the person talking about God has a problem and they are overcompensating. Going totally down the purely feminine line, I would argue, could be as bad as just masculine descriptions, so why not the occasional mix?

I wonder what would happen if I began the Lord's prayer next time with "Our Father and Mother" what would happen? Would anyone notice or would there be a riot? I think there may be more puzzlement than anything else. And, it's definitely not scriptural (though I don't see that as a complete barrier).

So, if I don't have a problem with God being described as Father, given my background, I wonder how many other people with absent or abusive fathers feel the same? Go and ask us, you might just be surprised at our reaction, though I only speak for myself here.

It's a confidence thing

I had my supervision the other day and a couple of things which came out of it was regarding my visit to the school last week and my children's address on Sunday past. He'd been in the school and was asking the teacher for feedback.

Generally, it was okay. Once I got into my stride, I was seen to be comfortable and confident with the children. I responded well to them and had a good rapport with them. The teacher did think I would do something a bit different from what she would have done. That's reasonable enough, but I wasn't sure at all about the line which I should take – it's not like this is a church and I was all too aware I needed to find a good balance in what I said. Also, I just followed her pattern as I thought that was what was required. Next time, I'll prepare my own material and run with that. That's definitely a confidence thing, but it was only the second time I've been in school since I was a pupil. Oh, and I made the cardinal mistake of turning to look at the powerpoint. Given the position of the IT equipment in the class, it wasn't easy to do anything else if I wanted to see what was on the screen, but I maybe looked too long.

As for my children's address, well, the feedback for that wasn't exactly favourable. Bottom line was I allowed a child to talk too much and it didn't flow well. Funny, other feedback I received, though mixed, did not agree with that. At the time I was doing the address, the child who was talking gave me a gift, which I should have had the confidence to run with. That way my including them wouldn't have looked like a bit of a red herring. Definitely need to work on this confidence thing - in my own abilities as well as anything else. Strange, but almost anywhere but Eagleside I would have done that. I think it's knowing I am being critiqued while there and that I have to do the children's address in a position I am completely uncomfortable with.

Just before I had to leave, my supervisor told me that children's addresses were definitely something I will need to work on. Fair enough, as he hasn't got anything to work with except what he's seen. He also said I needed experience with children, even though I have told him I was a young church leader for 10+ years and a youth club leader for 8+ years. Also, this in the context of giving me feedback that I engage well with children and have a good rapport with them. Err, that doesn't make sense to me. That did annoy me, as the development point seems to contradict, to a certain extent, feedback I receive from my supervisor.

The good thing is my next placement has a lot of children and, having seen my future supervisor in action, I can learn a lot there about how to get this nailed. It's really important to me that I get the children engaged in worship and feeling that they are important and valued by the church community. Getting the children's addresses right forms an important part of that.

One more step

I led the last of the full services I am to lead during this placement yesterday. And I think it went well (I even spotted someone who usually never sings joining in for one of the hymns!). Feedback was very encouraging, though (and this is going to sound negative), it would be good if there were people who would criticise it. I'm sure I'll get that feedback in due course and need to focus on the positives, as I tend to sometimes get bogged down in the negatives, resulting in a focus on them so the good things maybe don't get built up.

The children's address seemed to go well. I am definitely building up a relationship with the children, though some are still quite shy. I feel I brought the theme broadly onto their level – it was about God's new covenant so I talked about promises. I think I could have done with talking a little about promises changing, but I don't want to bore the children. One child did go a bit off topic, but that's fine – I've no fixed notions of where the address should go, just roughly a start and finish, what happens in between depends as much on where the children take it. Didn't get much feedback for this. One person told me “you shouldn't let the children speak”. Another complemented me on how I am able to relate to the children, they seem comfortable talking to me and I seem to speak on their level. I must admit I pretty much disregarded the former comment.
The service was a smidge more traditional than usual. That was a combination of hymns (where I did slip a couple of my favourites in, but what's the point of being a minister if you can't choose the hymns you like occasionally? Now I will remove my tongue from my cheek.), me power dressing, no powerpoint (except the hymns) and a prayer of confession (usually there's just opening and intercession prayers). I think if services are more 'modern', it's useful to occasionally have a traditional service. It's a change from the norm, apart from anything.

The sermon went generally well. I think I may have seemed to be slightly repeating myself and I'm undecided if that would be seen as emphasis or me not really knowing what I was saying. I also was a bit challenging, but I hope, encouraging too. I'm not sure if I had that much tonal variation in my voice. It's hard to tell, as I hear more than others may do. I was consciously trying to do this, so I hope I managed.

Overall, good. Definitely room for improvement, but if I stop improving and become complacent (at any stage in ministry), I think it would be time to re-examine what I am doing.