Finding the words

At my regular CFA meeting last night, my assessor and I went over my CFA agreement. I'm 4 months into this placement (leaving only 2 months left) and we were going over how I was getting on, what I still needed to do/look at and my feelings about my call.

Most of what we discussed was okay. But, I'm still struggling to find the words to express why I'm called to the ministry of word and sacrament. My assessor asked me to tell her of my vision of my call...I wasn't sure what she meant, and I said so. So she put it another way. How do you see you fulfilling you call?

I hadn't had it put to me like that before, so really struggled. I'm following God and His vision is what I should be perusing. Should I have said that? I did mention after visiting Prospects, I felt very drawn to that and could see myself serving the community I was ministering in through that. Co-incidentally, my assessor had just found out yesterday that the first probationers' conference would include a presentation about prospects. I think every town should have such a group and letting probationers know about it, hopefully, will lead to that becoming a reality.

So, now I have to really find the words to express my call. I know I have them, but I struggle to put then together at the right time, especially when I'm put on the spot. I'm going to get that at my local review and, if I go forward to it, selection conference.

Now, I'll put my trust in God to give me the words and follow His vision for my life.

We will remember them

I always find Remembrance Sunday a tough line to walk for the church, even though this is the first time I've ever been involved in worship during it. Jesus taught of peace, yet we commemorate and remember those who have (and are) fighting. I do feel we need to acknowledge their sacrifice, but, as Christians, work for peace.

As I mentioned here, I led the all prayers today - opening, thanksgiving and intercession, dedication and benediction. I was more nervous than I have been since I first started at my current placement. I know ever act of worship is special, but Remembrance Sunday is particularly poignant for many. There are members of the congregation who lost loved ones on WWII or even fought during it. Also, there were more visitors than normal at the second service - the service with the laying of the wreath and two minute silence. With all that in mind, and the news this morning of another British serviceman having died in Afghanistan, I knew emotions would be heightened and I wanted to ensure God's peace and love spoke to all who were worshiping, no matter their motives.

I think my prayers hit the right balance. I also have to admit I did my research (research being borrowing from many resources - plagiarism from one). Most of my prayers were adapted from the Book of common order and I adapted the intercession prayer available on the Churches Together in Britain and Ireland website. I didn't use the response during the intercession prayer, as I didn't feel it was appropriate for the setting.

I always try when leading worship to put some feeling into my voice, so it doesn't sound as though I'm reading off a shopping list and today was no different. I feel this can be helpful to emphasise a point or just inject a little care and concern into what I am saying. I haven't been too sure if that was actually coming across to the congregation, but after the service a member of the congregation mentioned how good a voice I have and how she appreciated how I "put a bit of feeling into what you say". That was a real boast, as it is being picked up by others.

As a little aside, I usually wear jeans and a top to church, even when leading worship. Today I wrote my suit jacket - partly out of respect for the gravitas of the service and partly to give me somewhere to wear my poppy. My assessor didn't wear a poppy. I didn't mention this, but was a little surprised. For me the poppy is a symbol of honouring the dead on all sides and hoping for peace. Peace which lasts forever and bring love, compassion and justice to the whole world. The peace which comes from God and Jesus calls me to help bring to others through my words, deeds and actions.

My first...Presbytery meeting

I always had the impression presbytery was a dry, businesslike, meeting. My views haven't changed that much from last night, but the meeting wasn't as boring as I had imagined it would be.

After a short welcome and act of worship lead by the presbytery moderator, it was down to business. I must admit there were TLAs (three letter abbreviations) and the like which were right over my head, but I could follow most of what went on.

About half way through proceedings the matter of the future of tenure for ministry was brought to the floor for discussion. A small booklet for this has been produced and it is summed up with 8 key points. We were broken into 8 groups for 10 minutes to discuss one point each - the potential advantages, disadvantages, further comments and whether ministries council should prepare a full report for next year's General Assembly.

My group's point was, in effect, continual assessment of ministers. I think we all saw the merits of this - dealing with problems at an early stage, ministers having more support after the initial 5 years from ordination etc - but how would it be implemented? A minister is answerable to presbytery, not their elders or congregation. Also, it could, if implemented wrongly, lead to resentment and a feeling a minister was restrained from preaching the word properly.

It was a good discussion and all members of the group contributed. I even made a couple of observations which were noted and I am not a member of presbytery!

I liked the idea of breaking a large group into smaller groups to discuss parts of a topic. There's more chance people will put their views forward. Without presbytery's views going to the appropriate councils at 121, 121 will do what they think is best on the feedback they've had. More feedback and better ways of getting it is no bad thing as far as I'm concerned.

One other thing I noted from last night - how many ministers were wearing their dog collars. I was a little surprised by that, in this day and age. I suppose it could have been the attitude of "I'm at work - work equals dog collar". Whatever rings your bell, I suppose, but I don't think it matters what we wear, even in the business of the church, but what we do and say.

And, I think last night may be the first time ever someone has arrived on a Honda Goldwing!!! The gerbils' car is sick and Mr Gerbil was my chauffeur for the evening.

Remembrance Prayers

I've been asked to led all the prayers for next Sunday. I wouldn't normally be too daunted by this. I know I still have much to learn about leading prayer in public worship, but I'll only learn through practice. That's not the problem - this coming Sunday is Remembrance Sunday. I have to find the right balance between acknowledging the fallen, but looking for peace.

Having had a look on-line, I've managed to find and adapt a thanksgiving and intercession prayer. That type of prayer for Sunday is a little "easier". There are plenty of examples which could be used.

The prayer which is scunnering me is the opening prayer, which in my placement church, is approach, adoration and confession. Normally, I find those types of prayers easier than thanksgiving and intercession, but not fir Sunday.

There's also the responsibility of leading the prayers during a Remembrance service. Again, this is all about getting the balance right. I am all too aware there are members of the congregation who may have served during WWII or lost loved ones to it. I also need to ensure all in the congregation feel part of the worship and the sacrifice is still relevant to all. No pressure then.

At my last meeting my assessor let me borrow the Book of Common order. I'm going to look there for inspiration too. If that fails, I think I'll be asking my assessor for help!

More to follow as I figure out how to approach this!

Self-assessment of today's sermon

My sermon went well today. After both services many of the congregation thanked me for my sermon. Particularly I appreciated the comments of the worship teams at my placement church as they know how nerve wracking it can be.

To get my voice warmed up, my assessor asked if I'd led the bible readings too. I was happy to do so, after all, I had been over them a few times while preparing for today.

To be critical of myself, as I know I must.

Positives:

1. My point was clear.
2. I covered the subject matter well.
3. I paced the sermon more or less right
4. I have a good clear voice.
5. I knew my opening well enough I could present the beginning with minimum use of my notes. This way I could make eye contact with the congregation and, hopefully, engage them with God's message.
   

Negatives:

1. I didn't modulate my voice enough. This may have helped emphasise a point.
2. At some points during the sermon, particularly during very theological comments, I was really reading from my notes, rather than using them for reference. I'm sure this will improve with experience, but it's something to look out for.
3. Occasionally I could feel the nerves surface again and seemed to stutter a little. I'm not sure if many of the congregation picked up on this. Again, worth noting and being aware of.

On balance, I feel it went well. I know, from the congregation's feedback, they took something away from it. Whether they took the message I thought I was preaching or not, it doesn't matter. What does matter is God uses me through the breaking of His word to speak to His children.