Friday, 5 September 2014

I am who am

A while ago, someone said to me "you don't realise the impact you have on others." Me being me, wasn't sure that was intended in a positive way. It was a statement within a particular context, where I was struggling with something and how I am in relation to others was part of that 'struggle.'

But now, I wonder if it was intended as a compliment. Most people I have encountered at Airside (and previous placements) have commented how I seem to just get on with people - be able to listen and engage with most folks (there will always be those we all just 'can't', but that's life). Both in my time up north and in a week or 2 of being at Airside, I felt I had fitted right in. Again, others commented (and complemented me) on that.

Then via Spot and other contacts, heard of people in previous placements and fellow candidates wondering how I was doing. I even had people from one group I have left say they will miss my take on our discussions.

So, am I underestimating myself? Am I harking back to past criticism from one individual and holding back from being who I really am, as called by God, as made and loved by God?

Yet, I realise I have to be careful with this. Being who I am, who I truly am is not about putting on a front to hide behind, but being willing to be open and vulnerable so God's love can (I pray) shine in and through my engagement with others. Putting on a facade, they will see me, not God's love. But to be fully me opens me up to vulnerability, to pain, to rejection. Potentially. Or, it opens me up to joy and laughter and hope and peace and love.

So I pray I am who I am (oh, better be careful with that expression), created in the image of God and a follower of Christ. Called to minister in his name. Called to follow where he leads. Lets hope my engagement with people is right in and through that calling.

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