Thinking better before I speak

One of the many things I am realising I need to learn is the 'right' way of self-censoring what I say. I say 'right', as what I can and can't say varies for many reasons. Not least, because I am now the porbationer minister in Airside parish, not just a member of a congregation, not just the part-time placement student, but more than that. I suppose, to those outside the church, I am a minister, as they will not understand the difference (and, where I am leading funerals or undertaking other parish work, they don't want to think they are getting 'second best', by way of the 'trainee' doing it).

For some, I am a professional, being asked to carry out a professional service on their behalf. That may be in conducting funerals, or visiting schools or the like. As a professional (and I am looking at my role to those on the 'outside'), there are expectations on my conduct, my words and my actions. The bottom line is, can they trust me to say and do the right thing when it matters.

But, on the flip hand, God has called me to be a minister because of who I am. I firmly believe that while he wants me to become the minister he has called me to be, he does so by working with, not against my personality. That's not to say there are no rough edges which he wants to tackle, and that is part of the self-reflection, growth and maturity process too.

The bottom line is finding the 'right' balance. Being human and approchible, while being trusted with important things in the life of the parish.

Being Mrs G and being 'the minister.' Being true to who I am and being true to God and the path he calls me on.

It's not black and white, but shades of grey. I am more and more concious of where the line is in different circumstances, though I also know I will sometimes get it wrong. I pray when I do get it wrong, those who have heard will have the courage to 'correct' me and the grace to forgive, as I learn to think better before I speak.