Money is a funny thing. It shouldn't be the be all and end all of anyone, but in our current western society, money is required to pay for our daily needs.
I've never been motivated by money, if I had been at the end of my first degree I would have become a hydrographic surveyor. Or, in my last place of work, I could have done as much overtime as I wanted, but what's the point of load of money if I had no time for my friends and family? I had enough to get by and, latterly, felt very well paid for what I did (many of my then colleagues did not have that opinion). I've never been on a big wage and have never earned more than the national average. Yet I was so much better off than many all over the world, or even in my neighbourhood, and at any time in my life.
I have been in positions where my family were wondering whether to eat or pay the mortgage. Whether to put the heating on or pay the insurance. It was a real struggle and I know that will help me when I walk with those who themselves are struggling with such things.
The disadvantage of having struggled at one time or another is I hate to see waste. Why buy something new if the thing you have still does the job? Why buy something new when you can buy it second hand and someone else has paid depreciation?
Generally, I don't holiday abroad. Getting out of Scotland for anything more than a long weekend is a major achievement for me (and that will be a thing of the past now). So maybe a placement abroad wouldn't be right for me. I know many people have got a lot from them, but so have people who did all their placements "at home". Whenever I am encouraged to go abroad, it resonates with me intellectually, but not emotionally. Taking my call to ministry as an analogy, when people suggested I should be a minister I fought and ignored the call, but it touched my heart. It touched something deep within me and I suppose I knew one day I would be where I am now. A placement abroad does not have that resonance for me.
Yet when I hear people talk of hospital placements, I really feel drawn to them (the placements, not the people, though the people are good too!). I feel a hospital placement is the type of placement which will help uncover pastoral gifts I don't know I have and further develop those I am aware of. Once in ministry, those gifts will be essential. No matter where I go I will always have the ill and dying to minister to, along with their relatives. It resonates with my heart and I think I should follow it.
So, what does money have to do with placements? Well, I know there is a payment for them, but everyone I know who has done a placement abroad has commented how they have had to use their own money to support them while away. What if someone training doesn't have reserves to call on? Do they not get to go? It seems somewhat unfair to me that this is the case. I know I couldn't afford to go abroad if my placement payment did not cover my costs and it does not sound as though that is the case. Yes, I know God provides. I have experienced first hand just how generous is can be, but maybe I am not to go abroad at all. Maybe that is not part of God's plan for the formation of the minister I am to be. Maybe that's why foreign placements do not speak to my heart, as where there's a will, there's a way.
Monday, 5 September 2011
Sunday, 4 September 2011
Saturday, 3 September 2011
Not a good day
By lunch time today I had been given two items of bad news. Neither were a surprise, but confirmation is not always positive.
On one hand, I was told of a friend who is very ill. Very, very ill and the prognosis isn't great. I was impressed with myself, though (probably bad timing, but never mind). I managed to offer pastoral care to the friend who was telling me this bad news. Only once they were away did I reflect on it for myself and it hit me pretty painfully. My friend and their family will be in many prayers over the coming weeks, of that there is no doubt.
On the other hand, a friend of mine has been treated disgracefully at work and they may have to move city for work again, having only moved last month.
It's not fair. It's just not fair, seeing those I care for in pain. When things like this happens I feel very helpless and wonder what I can do, even through prayer. But I trust God will walk with my friends at this time and they may know and feel God's presence and support in their lives.
Everything is going to be alright. I sincerely hope and pray.
On one hand, I was told of a friend who is very ill. Very, very ill and the prognosis isn't great. I was impressed with myself, though (probably bad timing, but never mind). I managed to offer pastoral care to the friend who was telling me this bad news. Only once they were away did I reflect on it for myself and it hit me pretty painfully. My friend and their family will be in many prayers over the coming weeks, of that there is no doubt.
On the other hand, a friend of mine has been treated disgracefully at work and they may have to move city for work again, having only moved last month.
It's not fair. It's just not fair, seeing those I care for in pain. When things like this happens I feel very helpless and wonder what I can do, even through prayer. But I trust God will walk with my friends at this time and they may know and feel God's presence and support in their lives.
Everything is going to be alright. I sincerely hope and pray.
Friday, 2 September 2011
Random Reflections
I now have a placement sorted. Met with the person who would be my supervisor and we had a good chat for a couple of hours. Still need to draw up my agreement, but it's a step in the right direction.
I had to fill him in on my background. That is a complicated story to everyone but me. It never ceases to amaze me how many people will say something along the lines of "It must have been very difficult for you". I suppose it was, but that was the norm I had so I nothing to compare it with. As I said, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, though there are many, many people who've been through much worse than I have.
It's not long now until uni begins. Freshers' week is only just over a week away. I can't believe it's come round this quickly nor I have been off work for 6 months! Somehow I think the next 3, 4 years are going to go like a flash.
On the way home from conference my lift and I got talking about stipends. It's not a huge wage, on that we did agree. But I did mention it depends what you're used to. I always regarded myself as well paid for what I did, but I have friends who started work 12 years ago on a similar to salary I ended on. If we were in this for the pay, we wouldn't be entering the ministry.
There was something the moderator said which really struck me. It was about leadership. I've no idea quite why it was that, but something almost freaked out. Crazy I know. There are people who think I am a natural leader. Ah, to see myself as others see me. That would be a great gift. I know I need to be a reflective practitioner, but I don't think anyone really sees themselves truly through the eyes of others. Would we like what we saw necessarily? Or would we be surprised by just how lovely we are? I wonder.
It's funny how God can work in your life. After the moderator's session, I had to get out for space. I sat just off a path on my own wondering if I am good enough. If I have the courage to do what God has called me to do. If I have the support and commitment that's needed for all this study and growth. I was doubting myself. As I sat there, I heard a robin off to my right. He came nearer and watched me as I watched him. Robins are my favourite birds as they may be small, but they are brave and loyal and will fight their corner, even against birds much bigger than they are. They are also curious and like people. I suppose I am a bit like that too. I don't know why or how, but something told me the robin was there as a reassurance from God. Everything is going to be alright.
I had to fill him in on my background. That is a complicated story to everyone but me. It never ceases to amaze me how many people will say something along the lines of "It must have been very difficult for you". I suppose it was, but that was the norm I had so I nothing to compare it with. As I said, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, though there are many, many people who've been through much worse than I have.
It's not long now until uni begins. Freshers' week is only just over a week away. I can't believe it's come round this quickly nor I have been off work for 6 months! Somehow I think the next 3, 4 years are going to go like a flash.
On the way home from conference my lift and I got talking about stipends. It's not a huge wage, on that we did agree. But I did mention it depends what you're used to. I always regarded myself as well paid for what I did, but I have friends who started work 12 years ago on a similar to salary I ended on. If we were in this for the pay, we wouldn't be entering the ministry.
There was something the moderator said which really struck me. It was about leadership. I've no idea quite why it was that, but something almost freaked out. Crazy I know. There are people who think I am a natural leader. Ah, to see myself as others see me. That would be a great gift. I know I need to be a reflective practitioner, but I don't think anyone really sees themselves truly through the eyes of others. Would we like what we saw necessarily? Or would we be surprised by just how lovely we are? I wonder.
It's funny how God can work in your life. After the moderator's session, I had to get out for space. I sat just off a path on my own wondering if I am good enough. If I have the courage to do what God has called me to do. If I have the support and commitment that's needed for all this study and growth. I was doubting myself. As I sat there, I heard a robin off to my right. He came nearer and watched me as I watched him. Robins are my favourite birds as they may be small, but they are brave and loyal and will fight their corner, even against birds much bigger than they are. They are also curious and like people. I suppose I am a bit like that too. I don't know why or how, but something told me the robin was there as a reassurance from God. Everything is going to be alright.
Thursday, 1 September 2011
Candidates' conference day 6
Ah, the last day. To be honest, it was only a half day. It was good to get home yesterday afternoon, as it had been an exhausting, inspiring, enlightening and challenging few days.
Spirituality is something we don't seem to do very well in the Kirk and that was the main presentation of the day. There was much to take from what I learnt in that session, mainly how I may express my spirituality and use that to help (guide, enable) the congregations I will become involved with over the years. One thing I did take away was how much doing things we enjoy and having time for those hobbies can be a spiritual experience and is completely necessary for our welfare - physical, mental and spiritual. So, looks like I'll be taking more photos. I love doing so and I can use them in worship, in the right context. That would be multitasking...
I felt annoyed on behalf of the deacon candidates during the housing and loan session. Okay, so we trainee ministers are encouraged (read told) to look to the future for housing "as circumstances have changed and most ministers have their own houses before coming into the ministry". But there is no provision for deacons. While I know they generally do not get accommodation as part of their role, deacons-in-charge usually live in the manse. That's something which I feel needs addressed. There's my deep sense of fairness coming in.
Reflecting on the worship for the week, I realised I got little from it. Yesterday, the morning devotions seemed to be an advert for the church the chaplain is minister at. It also didn't seem he'd prepared anything, as they powerpoint was out of order and had to be jumped around with. I found this very distracting. I thought it was just me, but chatting to others reveled it wasn't just me.
I think over the last few days, the challenges of the journey I am on really hit home. You want me to lead your people? You want me to form a community of Christ and take that into the community in which I will serve. God, I hope you know what you're doing because sometimes I look around and wonder why me, why not all these other people I know. I find that very, very humbling and the responsibility all a bit daunting.
I know where I go, I go for the sake of Christ. He leads me on and walks beside me. So long as that is the case, everything will be alright. Honest.
Spirituality is something we don't seem to do very well in the Kirk and that was the main presentation of the day. There was much to take from what I learnt in that session, mainly how I may express my spirituality and use that to help (guide, enable) the congregations I will become involved with over the years. One thing I did take away was how much doing things we enjoy and having time for those hobbies can be a spiritual experience and is completely necessary for our welfare - physical, mental and spiritual. So, looks like I'll be taking more photos. I love doing so and I can use them in worship, in the right context. That would be multitasking...
I felt annoyed on behalf of the deacon candidates during the housing and loan session. Okay, so we trainee ministers are encouraged (read told) to look to the future for housing "as circumstances have changed and most ministers have their own houses before coming into the ministry". But there is no provision for deacons. While I know they generally do not get accommodation as part of their role, deacons-in-charge usually live in the manse. That's something which I feel needs addressed. There's my deep sense of fairness coming in.
Reflecting on the worship for the week, I realised I got little from it. Yesterday, the morning devotions seemed to be an advert for the church the chaplain is minister at. It also didn't seem he'd prepared anything, as they powerpoint was out of order and had to be jumped around with. I found this very distracting. I thought it was just me, but chatting to others reveled it wasn't just me.
I think over the last few days, the challenges of the journey I am on really hit home. You want me to lead your people? You want me to form a community of Christ and take that into the community in which I will serve. God, I hope you know what you're doing because sometimes I look around and wonder why me, why not all these other people I know. I find that very, very humbling and the responsibility all a bit daunting.
I know where I go, I go for the sake of Christ. He leads me on and walks beside me. So long as that is the case, everything will be alright. Honest.
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