More thoughts on placements

I know I may not get a choice where I go for my first placement. It seems from speaking to members of my presbytery, most of the ministers who take candidates are full-booked.

One of the places which takes candidates I don't think I would go into with an open mind. I have been told candidates who have gone there learnt a lot. The trouble, and I know it is my problem, is lack of open-mindedness. A similar church I wasn't familiar with would be a great learning experience for me, but I would be going there with no pre-conceived ideas of what it would be like. Moreover, nor would some members of the congregation have them of me.

I have also been looking at churches outwith my presbytery. Not so much as knowing whether they take candidates, but more to get an idea for other types of church. Through looking at these, I think I have more of an idea what areas of parish ministry I'd like to experience and learn from. They almost certainly will be outwith my comfort zones. Great. That's where I need to go, so I can increase my "ministry fitness". Only by stretching myself will I really find out what type of minister I will be and will I learn who I truly am.

One thing I have been reflecting on recently was my first co-ordinated field assessment placement. Although there where issues there, I didn't start off with the right mind set. I initially went in with the attitude of having to endure the placement. That is until that attitude blew up in my face. Consequently, I had to undergo another period of co-ordinated field assessment.

So, why am I mentioning this now? Well, I realise two things from that experience:

1. Placements aren't there to be endured. They are learning experiences. Whether good or bad experiences, there should be something to learn, even if it's knowing how not to do something.
2. Where a call is truly from God, as much as I may have (initially) wanted to fail, he will not allow it.

So, as with this journey so far, God is guiding me. He is sending me where I need to go to grow into the type of minister he needs me to be. Now, that's pretty cool.

Church without walls

I found this video via the Dunfermline Presbytery site. As I (embarrassingly) put it at selection conference, "it's not about the steeple, it's about the people". Don't get me wrong, buildings can be a great focal point and community centre, but are there other ways of doing church?

Starting to get real

A number of people have mentioned I must be getting excited about starting my training. In some ways, I am. After all this waiting, I'll be taking the next step in my journey with God. But, I don't know if excited is really the right word.

I suppose latterly, things have hit me. It's not that I didn't expect the changes I will go through, I'm not that naive, it's just they are happening and I am experiencing them.

There's the members of my home church starting to wish me the best, in case they don't see me before I head off.

There's my minister being concerned they won't see me. Although for a while during the selection process I wasn't at my home church for the Sunday service, she saw me at youth club and Spot was around. That will no longer be the case. She's also a friend of mine, so I'll make the effort to keep in touch.

There's starting uni, again. All the new things I need to do and learn. The hope I'll be good enough. The hope that I'll "fit-in". The hope I won't overcompensate my introverted nature, as I sometime can.

The beginning of conference. I know it'll all be fine and I won't be the only nervous newbie. We're all in the same boat. I'm looking forward to meeting my fellow candidates and forging new friendships.

With all these things at the back of my mind, I'm all too aware this stuff is getting real. Backing out is not an option as I wouldn't want to be doing anything else. God knows me and knows this is exactly the right place for me.

Being self-centred?

I've been a bit "grrr" since my ministries council meeting, without any real excuse. I've been moaning about not knowing where I'm going to go, but that's rather narcissistic, self-centred and unfair on those who need to organise placements for all the candidates. As I have been reminded, it is a complex process and where I go isn't just based on my needs, but where would be able/prepared to take me.

Looking back at the meeting, my main bugbear was the ministry support officer (MSO) who chaired the meeting was not the MSO who will actually be my MSO. In the letter letting me know about the meeting, it was very much worded I was to make attendance my priority, as my presbytery rep and I did. Knowing the person I was talking to wasn't the person who would arrange my placement (necessarily), I didn't feel I could mention things outwith some vague learning outcomes I want to explore. The meeting didn't really lend itself to me coming out with "If possible, I would like to go to church X for Y reason".

I'm now starting to think it would be much easier for all concerned, especially at this stage, to just tell you where to go, as happened with extended enquiry/co-ordinated field assessment. As I said in my meeting, it's probably easier and quicker to list what I know than I don't, as I don't know much!

I suppose I just don't like this kind of uncertainty. Funny, I can decide to drive to Italy and back for a charity stunt and have no itinerary, route planned or any idea where I will stay. I think I need to adopt the same attitude with this as I did with that. And that was a lot of fun, but a story for another time.

Well, I pray I can just go with the flow. I can accept where I am sent with a open mind and happy heart. I know wherever I land up I will learn. I know from my 2 co-ordinated field assessments not all the experiences were positive, but I still have grown and learnt as a result of having been through them.

No further forward

So there I was at the ministries council meeting. I mentioned areas I'd like to explore during my training and signed away my life on the yellow agreement form, which candidates, their presbytery rep and a member of ministries council also signs.

I sort of expected to discuss where I would go for my first placement. Chatting to my presbytery rep before and after the meeting, I think they thought that was the primary reason for the meeting.

So, it's been 15 months since I became a "candidate in training for the ministry of word and sacrament". And I still have no idea where I'll go for my first placement. So, I'm in no better a place than I was in that regard before the meeting.

Someone told me recently 121 is like the civil service. They weren't kidding. They both have their procedures and nothing, but nothing, will get in the way of them. Even when common sense (all too rare, IMHO) says it would be a good idea to maybe do things a different way.

I do find this a wee bit frustrating. You'd think being a former civil servant I'd be used to it, but no. I'm not one for procedures just for the sake of them. Besides, if this had been sorted for me a while ago, it would have taken pressure off my ministries support officer at a time which is especially busy.

So, more waiting. I should be used to it by now. I know it's all par for the course, but it does get a wee bit frustrating sometimes.