Worrying about others or myself

It's nearly 10 months since I began probation at Airside Kirk. Wow - that's certainly flown in, but with it comes the ever growing realisation that it won't be that long till I'll be moving on from there. Aaaaarrrrgggghhhhh.....

God willing, I'll 'pass' my final review (the intensive interview which decides if I can can proceed to ordination, and which allows me to being the formal search for 'my' church). Then I have 3 months to find a job, before I'm unemployed. I know everyone tells me I'll find somewhere without a problem, but I'll begin counting chickens once they've hatched!

I have been looking, on occasion, at parish profiles, so I have a bit of an idea where I may go. I am trying to be as open minded as possible, as if I say I am not going somewhere, I can guarantee that's where I'll end up.

In among this all, I am still learning (but that will never stop), still growing, still doing what I am called to do, which includes supporting colleagues - especially (at this stage) those of us who are also on probation. I have been sometimes concerned how they will manage once 'on their own,' but I now realise it's been a whole load of projection on my part.

I am concerned how I'll manage once I am 'The Minister.' Once there's no more buck passing (not that I get to do that much, but I hope you know what I mean); once I go somewhere new and I have to begin the whole process of getting to know the congregation, the parish etc again.

I know this is the way it much be. And there are things which, I completely support, I wouldn't necessarily do it that way, long term, where I might go. There's things I may say in another context, I would not say at Airside. Perhaps not because they shouldn't hear it, but because it would not fit with what they're used to (sorry, being deliberately vague!).

So, I need to think, when I wonder about others, am I really wondering about myself? And, if I am being honest, the answer is yes.