A stand-up show

I've always known I am quite content in my own company. Even as a small child I was happy writing, reading or building things from lego. I didn't (and still don't) really need people around me to interact with. It's not I dislike people, I just find I don't crave company as some people do.

I suppose, given the vocation I will be entering, this attitude is handy. Lets face it, ministry is a lonely job. Yes, it is (or should be, am I being naive?) to do with people. There's the ill and bereaved to see, the schools to visit, the congregation to lead (and the meetings and preparation). But it's still a one-(wo)man show. Pity, maybe shared ministry would be beneficial for all concerned, just a thought.

My, general, contentment being in my own company has been reinforced these last 4 months (4 months already...argh, where has the time gone???!!!). Most of the week, I'm a norm. I've been catching up with house and garden maintenance, going for long walks, geocaching, birdwatching and generally pleasing myself.

I suppose I am quite an introvert, yet there are many who wouldn't realise that. I know from leading worship at my home church there are members who think I look really comfortable at the front. "As if you were born to it, Mrs G" I was told. What they don't know is underneath I am wetting myself. Does this make sense? Is it the right message? Will I get through this without something going horribly wrong? One of the last times I lead worship, the radio mic was majorly playing up, to the point it had to be swapped. I gave off the vibes of confidence, but underneath I was sweating. Afterwards, several people commented on how well I'd handled it and thought I looked like and old hand.

The danger here is when I do err, will there be an understanding response? I'm sure there will be, but a little bit of me wonders if there may be surprise as I don't seem to be nervous, quite the opposite in fact. That's where placements will help. They are getting me as a "blank canvas", with (hopefully) no pre-conceived idea of who I am or what I am like. I know I will be nervous to begin with. I hope I never loose it. To loose it, I feel, would be when I would become complacent. That is a dangerous place in any job, let alone ministry.

So, how do people think I am confident? Maybe I am a better actor than I think I am. Like a swan, I am calm on the outside and paddling like crazy underneath. Spot has pointed out in the past I can be a bit like a stand-up comedian and I have heard may of them are quiet introverts.

No, the confidence isn't an act, it is from knowing Jesus walks beside me when I am doing his work. When I am following him and (I pray) leading others in their journey with him. Without his guidance all I do, say, am, in church and everywhere else would be meaningless. With his, everything is possible, even the shy introvert leading worship and being seen be others as having the potential to be a good leader and enabler.

Bread and wine

It was communion at my home church at the weekend. It's funny, but over the last 3 years, I have had communion probably more times than the previous 10, due to young church commitments among others. Maybe that's why there were some things which struck me on Sunday which I hadn't noticed or thought about before.

Oh, where to start? Lets begin with the bread and wine. Did I read anywhere in the bible of grape juice or (worse) blackcurrant cordial being used in the last supper? No can't recall that at all. So why oh why do churches do this? Non-alcoholic wine for those who are stanch "don't drink and drink" people I can just about understand, but unless they are a lightweight like my Mum, the half-full thimble isn't going to cause issues. I also know there's an argument that having grape juice opens up communion to former alcoholics, but to my knowledge they tend to avoid communion for this reason. That rational would only work if the fact grape juice was used was common knowledge.

And, as for the thimbles. I thought communion was symbolic of God's love poured out for us through the death and resurrection of Jesus? A love which is beyond measure. But this is the Church of Scotland and, well, we can't have extravagance. So, we generally use wee thimbles for communion which are half-full. It's such a generous symbol.

Now, since Spot and I began baking our own bread and rolls, I have become a bit of a bread snob. There's nothing like tasty bread, fresh from the oven. Unfortunately, the bread offered for communion on Sunday was nothing like that. Don't get me wrong, I don't expect the person responsible for bringing the bread to bake bread, but to be confronted with a plate of slightly stale (when was this cut?) of horrible white bread cut into 1cm squares. To make matters worse, the minister used a lovely (could have been homemade) unsliced, wholemeal loaf when blessing the elements and to pass among the elders. So, lets get this right, the elders on communion duty get the good stuff and the plebs in the pews get the poor substitute. Okay, it's only symbolic, but it doesn't look good when the elders look to begin treated differently from the rest of the congregation. And yet again, the symbol of the outpouring of God's love in stale bread.

Oh, and while I am here, why do the elders get communion first? Is it my church or the norm? If elders are supposed to lead by example, to be servants first, should the plebs on the pews not be served first? Or is there a theological rational behind the practice?

As I said at the start of this post, I've had more experience of communion these last 3 years. Most of those times, I have really felt something different in the atmosphere - a deep and genuine feeling of Jesus' presence in the sacrament. When that's happened, it's been when the group has shared the meal. The common cup and bread. We have served each other and all been served. I don't feel Jesus presence the same way when communion is handed out by the elders with dour faces. But maybe that's just me!

So, when I get into ministry (God willing) everyone is going to get the same type of bread. Spot or I will try to bake it. As for the wine, well, we do make our own. But there is no way it will ever be blackcurrant cordial!

Been away

So, regular readers will have noticed I've gone a little quiet over the last couple of weeks. Never fear, nothing's up, just been away gallivanting with Spot. And our tent.

It was great to get away. Okay, so it was different holiday from the last few years for me, what with being "unemployed", but it was still a change of routine and an opportunity to spend some quality time with Spot (I'm just waiting for the comment to that...).

Our initial plan was to stay at Blair Atholl for a few days, but when we arrived, they were full. Well, it was a Saturday and we hadn't booked. So, never defeated, we headed north and stayed in Boat of Garten for 5 nights.

It's a lovely area to visit and walks a plenty. The Speyside way runs through and we did do a stretch of it (regularly back and forward to the local hostelry!!!). It would be one of our perfect places to live, though it does have the feeling of being primarily holidaymakers (like we were, I know, I know) or people who have retired to the area. Pity.

On the Sunday, we worshiped at the local church. The people were warm and friendly. It was such a shame there were no children or young people. From the comments the person leading worship made (it's a recently vacant charge), this is the norm. But, if the people living in the area are mainly retirees or on  holiday...

Of course, being in Boat of Garten warranted a visit to the Osprey centre (again!).We walked there via Loch Mallachie and Loch Garten and, once off the main path the the centre, didn't see anyone else. It was so peaceful, yet filled with all the activity of birds feeding their young, wood ants maintaining their nests and all the other things which go on on a forest.

Odin the Osprey

 All through our stay in Boat of Garten, we wandered to the bridge over the Spey to spot otter. We never managed it, but watched swift, house martin and found a badger sett. Waiting here, with this view wasn't a hardship, though.

View from Boat of Garten Bridge

Being a bridge, we just had to play Poohsticks. On that occasion, Spot won.

We did get to Blair Atholl in the second of our two week holiday. This is such a great area to walk and watch wildlife. We spotted Golden Eagle, deer, and were within 20 metres of a buzzard feeding. That was amazing. And in an area which some think of as being quite busy. It can be, but head half a mile away from the castle or the house of Bruar and there's no one around.

The walk up Glen Tilt was brilliant. A beautiful day, in beautiful scenery. Scotland really is the best country in the world

Yet, even in this seemingly natural landscape, it is very definitely shaped by man. There should be more trees and, as walking up the Glen, we came across abandoned crofts, such as this one. Nature is taking it back, though slowly, as this was abandoned in the 1850s.

Abandoned Glen Tilt Croft

It reminded me, though this is a beautiful landscape, for the average person living here, it was a hard, inhospitable existence. Yet, this was their home until cleared to make way for sheep...

Getting back to Blair Atholl from that walk, we looked back up the Glen and, well, a picture tells a thousand words.

View up Glen Tilt

Of course, no visit to this area is complete without a visit to Bruar Falls. It's a pity it's been fairly dry so far this year (believe it or not), as the falls weren't as full as normal, but still worth the walk.

Lower Bruar Fall

Today, it was back to normal, what ever normal is. Worship at our home church. Fellowship with my church family. But over the last couple of weeks, I have wondered again and again at God's great creation.

The Physics of "My Little Pony"

A friend of mine showed me this and it's brilliant and brilliantly funny...

The birth of civilisation?

I was reading an interesting article in this month's National Geographic about what is thought to be the oldest temple site in the world at Gobekli Tepe. As there is, as yet, no signs of occupation/settlement at the site this is an indication of the site being used for some religious-type practice, rather than palace or small city.

The especially interesting thing about this place, for me, is that from the evidence gathered, the earliest parts of the site pre-date permanent settlements and agriculture. So, suggesting nomadic hunter-gatherer tribes of no more than a few dozen gathered to build this temple and, ultimately, use it as a worship site.

Given the dates, this temple appears to indicate religion was the trigger for permanent settlements and, with that, agriculture. All so these disparate bands of hunter-gatherers could begin to worship God.

I find it amazing that the spiritual need to reach out to something beyond ourselves, the need for God in our lives pre-dates the wheel. Even in as Homo Sapiens was first working out their place in the world, they (we) had an ingrained spirituality and sense of something bigger in control.

Even now, millennium later, people are still searching for meaning. Searching for something to explain who they are and why they are here. Just looking at the reaction after a road-crash or death of a child shows the search goes on, even in this post-Christian society we're (supposedly) living in.


Wow. It's as deep a need, I believe, within us as food and water. As life gets more and more cluttered, it can be difficult to see God and feel his presence, even for the best of us. And he's been there all among. Loving and caring for us. Helping us grow but also giving us the free-will to choose.

And the photos in the magazine are pretty fine too.

Oh, and this is my 300th post!