A stand-up show

I've always known I am quite content in my own company. Even as a small child I was happy writing, reading or building things from lego. I didn't (and still don't) really need people around me to interact with. It's not I dislike people, I just find I don't crave company as some people do.

I suppose, given the vocation I will be entering, this attitude is handy. Lets face it, ministry is a lonely job. Yes, it is (or should be, am I being naive?) to do with people. There's the ill and bereaved to see, the schools to visit, the congregation to lead (and the meetings and preparation). But it's still a one-(wo)man show. Pity, maybe shared ministry would be beneficial for all concerned, just a thought.

My, general, contentment being in my own company has been reinforced these last 4 months (4 months already...argh, where has the time gone???!!!). Most of the week, I'm a norm. I've been catching up with house and garden maintenance, going for long walks, geocaching, birdwatching and generally pleasing myself.

I suppose I am quite an introvert, yet there are many who wouldn't realise that. I know from leading worship at my home church there are members who think I look really comfortable at the front. "As if you were born to it, Mrs G" I was told. What they don't know is underneath I am wetting myself. Does this make sense? Is it the right message? Will I get through this without something going horribly wrong? One of the last times I lead worship, the radio mic was majorly playing up, to the point it had to be swapped. I gave off the vibes of confidence, but underneath I was sweating. Afterwards, several people commented on how well I'd handled it and thought I looked like and old hand.

The danger here is when I do err, will there be an understanding response? I'm sure there will be, but a little bit of me wonders if there may be surprise as I don't seem to be nervous, quite the opposite in fact. That's where placements will help. They are getting me as a "blank canvas", with (hopefully) no pre-conceived idea of who I am or what I am like. I know I will be nervous to begin with. I hope I never loose it. To loose it, I feel, would be when I would become complacent. That is a dangerous place in any job, let alone ministry.

So, how do people think I am confident? Maybe I am a better actor than I think I am. Like a swan, I am calm on the outside and paddling like crazy underneath. Spot has pointed out in the past I can be a bit like a stand-up comedian and I have heard may of them are quiet introverts.

No, the confidence isn't an act, it is from knowing Jesus walks beside me when I am doing his work. When I am following him and (I pray) leading others in their journey with him. Without his guidance all I do, say, am, in church and everywhere else would be meaningless. With his, everything is possible, even the shy introvert leading worship and being seen be others as having the potential to be a good leader and enabler.