On forgiveness

A couple of weeks ago, over on Danny's blog, she talked about forgiveness and wondered about our stories.

I've had a recent experience which showed putting the past behind me didn't mean I was ready for dealing with a person who hurt me, and my family, really badly when I was a child. It was a long time ago and I had grown older and wiser. In many ways, I am the person I am today because of this. Even bad experiences can have a long-term positive affect.

This person is a member of my placement church, though I didn't know that before I began. Had I know, would I have gone? Honestly, I don't know. So, it made leading any part of worship very different. God loves them as he loves me. They are there worshipping the same God I am. So I must, I have to forgive them, otherwise I am not forgiven myself and, as such, cannot truly worship God.

This was especially brought home to me one communion. I was sharing this with this person, as member of that congregation. We are both member of the body of Christ and God was (and is) in us in that sacrament. So, I ensured I shared the peace with them - and truly meant it when I shook hands with them.

I do agree with Danny, though. I can't forget the past. But I can move on from the position of feeling hurt and anger towards someone to showing grace and love towards a fellow Christian.

Few things have taught me more about grace - that I should have for others and God's all accompanying grace - than this has.

Forgiveness

My husband and I were having a really good day yesterday until just before 6 o'clock. We'd been in Glasgow for the Scottish model railway show. Great show - brilliant layouts with amazing levels of detail. Pete Waterman was even there (yes, as in Stock, Aitken and...) doing book signing.

But, at 6pm about a mile from home, a driver pulled out in front of us from a side street without looking. We were on my husband's bike at the time.

My husband had realised the car was going pretty fast approaching the junction, so backed off the throttle. Meanwhile thinking to himself "please look, please look". She didn't. We hit her car square on and the next thing I was on the road in severe pain down my left hand side.

I had to get up. I couldn't see my husband, as I had been thrown in front of him - we think he'd become a launch ramp for me! At that moment all I could think was check my husband was okay (in relative terms) then tear a strip off the driver which pulled out in front of us.

My husband was on the road too; just next to the bike. He had pain in his shoulder, but other than that was pretty much okay, that was it! I was going to rage at the driver.

That was until I looked at her. She looked absolutely terrified; she was scared of what she'd done, especially as my husband wasn't getting up. At that moment, my heart melted a little. I couldn't have anything for the lady except pity. She'd screwed-up big style, but she had so much remorse on her face.

Strangely, all I want to do when I next see her is to let her know I've forgiven her. I did as soon as I looked at her face last night.

We both have broken our left collar bones. I'm fairly sure I've cracked 1 or 2 ribs. I did last year and the pain I'm having breathing now is exactly the same as then. Oh well, these things happen. It could have been so much worse!

The motorbike's almost certainly a write-off, but it's replaceable - we're not. Mostly, though, I pray the lady with whom we collided doesn't feel too cut up.

A Gift fom God?

Through my home church I have met someone who has recently come from a damaging relationship. I can't go into great detail about them, for obvious confidential reasons.

For some reason - which are totally beyond me - he has really taken to me (they're young; they'll learn!). He have been asking me a lot of big questions such as why does God allow bad people to do bad things. I try to explain about freewill etc, but they still ask why. My only answer is "I don't know; I really don't know".

The other day he was asking me questions about forgiveness - why bother? I explained hate is like a cancerous growth within you. It only causes you pain and the more you feed it the bigger it will grow. At the end of the day, though, it only hurts yourself, not the person the hate is aimed at. Forgiveness allows you to let go of the hurt and move on with life.

I know this person finds it difficult to forgive. He has a very raw open wound on his soul. He also knows I have been "damaged" by people, so what I say isn't hollow words, but from real experience. I've also told him I forgive because God forgave my sins first.

I think he thinks he needs me as someone he can trust and talk to, which he can. But, the questions he asks really have put me on the spot and have made me really think about what I believe. In many respects, I see his questioning as a gift from God. God sees I need this as I explore my calling. I also feel the answers are coming in a way that can only be described as coming through the holy spirit.

I hope this is a gift I can nurture and use throughout my journey. I never knew I had it before. God has given me exactly what I need to help this person exactly when I needed His help. If He can do that for me, He can give me the gifts to be a good minister.