Getting real

Ten and a half months, that's how long I've been on probation. On one level, it feels as though I've been at Airside Kirk for years, but on the other hand, the time hasn't half flown in. So, deadlines are coming up. And they are making me 'glup.'

There's a church law essay, which I have been procrastinating over for a while. (Actually, still am!). Then, at the same time, the various forms The Boss and I need to fill in, assessing and reflecting on all I've done, go into 121. They form the basis for the discussion at my final review, which is towards the end of June. If that review goes well, I can 'properly' begin bouncing up and down and saying "pick me, pick me" to various churches.

And this is where the 'what church would be daft enough to take me' doubts creep in. On one level, I really do know I can do this. Since beginning training, I have experience how God has, and continues, to gift me with what I need to follow my calling. That has been most in evidence through this probationary period.

People, especially within the congregation, have told me to have greater confidence in my abilities. And I know where they are coming from, but I also know there's a fine line between confidence and complacency and/or cockiness. There's being realistic, without being self-deprecating, while always relying on God.

Oh, and before the essay and forms are due, before the final interview, my wonderful (and I do mean this, they are wonderful) support group are going to put me through a mock interview. For which I'll (I think) need to prepare a CV. And work out what questions I'll ask. I don't want to do it, but know I need to...

And a CV. Oh, there are people in the congregation who can help with this, but I am really bad at selling myself. If I'm being honest, I sort of object to having to sell myself, but how else is a congregation who may want me going to know what I am coming with. I know an application form, then I have fixed questions to answer. Argh. But needs must. Must remember not to be flippant with it!

It's all getting a bit 'real.' Was always going to. But it's definitely where I should be going and I know God is with me and before me and around me every step of the way.