My regular meeting with my supervisor was last night. Our main discussion was around Sunday's service (I was just there for the ride - a bum on the pews, so to speak) and the healing service from 2 weeks ago.
Not too much came out of the discussion about the service. There wasn't anything too different from what I've experienced elsewhere that I could discuss.
Sunday was the first service I've attended where there has been a children's address and it was led by one of the Sunday school teachers. I did mention that was unusual - I've only experienced the minister doing it, where they are involved in the service. I wondered why it had come about. There had been a long discussion with the Sunday school leaders and it was agreed to do it that way. I can see the benefit - the children get to hear more from there leaders, the minister gets a break and the leaders potentially go into the theme for the service more deeply. All in all, though, not especially different.
At the end of the service, two people joined the church and tow members re-affirmed their vows. Again, this more or less followed what I was expecting, even though I have not attended a re-affirming before.
Personally, I do think re-affirming vows can be useful, both to the church and the individuals. I can see there could be churches where this wouldn't be allowed, as it is, in effect, re-making a promise.
So from Sunday's service to the healing service. I told my assessor how I felt from the experience, pretty much re-iterating some of what I'd said here. My assessor explained some of the background of the first person and why the healing group had advised on prayer as they had. From that I could see why they had done what they did, but I'm not entirely sure if I'm convinced it was the right thing, no matter any frustration they may have.
During our discussion I happened to mention about my Mum's ill-health and how it may have affected how I reacted to the first person. Later in our discussion, my assessor brought this up. She told me I should address this, as it could affect how I deal with people in ministry or led to my burn out. I know what she means. There is a hurt there which hasn't really been dealt with. The only thing is, I'm not entirely sure how to deal with it (I did ask, but that's not my assessor's role). A bit of my thinks she was hinting I should discuss it with my minister, but I know how busy minsters are and they don't need this too.
So, that got me thinking. How much of what I do and react is based on my own hurts? Probably more that I'd like to admit. I suppose a good thing is I was aware to an extent my hurts were clouding my judgement a little. How do I distinguish between "normal" reactions and reactions based on those past hurts and/or prejudices?
Is this a potential stumbling block for me or, if I hand it over to God, He will help me when these things manifest themselves? I believe He will, especially as He calls me to ministry and I will need that gift to carry out His work. He will give me the gifts I need. If He doesn't, perhaps I am in the wrong direction?
I haven't asked before,(not directly anyway) but some advice from those of you who read this blog think I should do? Also, I'd appreciate your prayers.
Have you ever read Henri Nouwen's The Wounded Healer? He talks about how we can use our hurts in a positive way in ministry. That's not to say we should go into any pastoral situation ready to whip out our own emotional baggage to show how human we are. Rather it's about self-awareness and our hurts and our our history are very much about who we are. Knowing ourselves is a big part of the growth into ministry.
ReplyDeleteKnowing when to use what we know and when to protect ourselves because we know what we do is all part of the learning and growing experience.
But there will always be something that comes out of the blue to knock us for six. Having someone else to turn to and support us is, again, all part of being able to deal with the pressures of pastoral ministry. Maybe consider building up a little support network of trusted friends or older mentors who can be turned to in such a situation.
Will hold you up in prayer as well. It sounds as though you are getting a lot more out of this placement.
John
I agree completely with John. A huge part of our growth is self-awareness and self-knowledge.
ReplyDelete"How do I distinguish between "normal" reactions and reactions based on those past hurts and/or prejudices?" Big question! I think we have to start with knowing ourselves - acknowledging our hurts, especially the ones we want to keep well buried. We don't need to parade them, but we should admit them to ourselves - then we can be more aware of when they affect our reactions to situations/people/events.
Critical friends are also important - people we trust and can be open with are a necessary part of our growth. They also sustain us when the going gets tough - so crucial, I would say, in a job like ministry.
Will continue to hold you in prayer. Chin up!
With John and CB here. And can I say that when I read your post on the healing service I was cringing (if that's the right word) along with you and I don't have any 'issues' potentially clouding my approach. It is more to do with how I consider God intervenes and with the role and value of prayer... this is a huge subject and not one for a blog comment!
ReplyDeleteBut on this - our hurts make us who we are and we take who we are into ministry and into pastoral situations. And some hurts cannot be easily dealt with (especially those to do with bereavement or loss or chronic ill health/pain), we learn to live with them and to function anyway.
I like the Wounder Healer approach and John Ortberg's slightly lighter view given in "Everyone's normal till you get to know them". We are all broken, yet God still calls us and he uses us anyway - just as we are.
Friends - critical or otherwise -are vital... for guidance, support, prayer... and for a good laugh, a glass of wine and for keeping it all in perspective!
Hi Guys
ReplyDeleteThanks again for all your help, advice and encouragement.
John - I've not read that one, but I think I'll give it a try.
CB - Where would I be without good friends I do not know. I think this has been an important part of knowing how I am and, with that knowledge, being able to use my hurts to others advantage, if that makes sense?!
Danny - hope the move went okay. I'm gald someeone else cringed at the thought of the service. Given what my assessor said about it, I think she thinks it's the best thing since sliced bread and really doesn't get why others done do it, but that's just by-the-by.