Being a teacher for the morning

I was back in School during the week. This was a follow-up from the previous week, bu this time I led the lesson (to a certain extent) while the teacher gave a little assistance (mainly involving telling me the names of the children).

Generally, I felt it went well. The theme was one I know well and I am comfortable enough with largish groups of early primary school children (admittedly in a non-school context). I feel I engaged well with the children - one even gave me a thank you card when I was leaving. I wasn't sure how I should handle discipline, as I didn't want to tread on the teacher's toes, but when I realised that it was my lesson, I soon started keeping the children in check for not listening (mainly to their peers, not me, which in itself was interesting). Their questions were very interesting, challenging in a way young children can be (which is really refreshing as they don't feel they should know anything, if that makes sense) and showed a real engagement with the theme of the lesson. All pretty good for someone who was last in a primary school class when at primary school.

It also shows that despite my concerns and fears I expressed at the beginning of the month were unfounded. My supervisor obviously trusts me to go in his place (as I am as much a reflection on Eagleside as Christianity as a whole) and sees the potential I have. Also, yet again shows that often the idea of something is much worse than the actuality. As someone keeps telling me “God's got your back” and the more I do in this ministry training process, the more I see this.

To think, I once wanted to be a teacher. Although I won't be a school teacher, I am still going to be a teacher. Funny how things work out.

A brief visit

Last night, I was at a ceilidh at my home church. It was the first time I'd been there since I began my placement. Though it was lovely to see many of the people there and, admittedly briefly, catch up with some familiar faces, it just didn't seem as much like home as it once did. And I know that's only right and proper. I will always regard that church as my home church, in every sense of the word home. But, as every child must leave home one way or another, I am also leaving home. Consequently, home doesn't feel the same anymore. I will always be welcomed, affirmed and loved there, no matter where I go in ministry, but like leaving the family home, as I return I go back slightly changed every time. As that change takes place, I grow away from home – away from familiarity, but towards where I need to be. And it was only a ceilidh.

I did receive a few lovely comments, though. A couple of women mentioned how much I was missed. That was a bit heart breaking. Someone mentioned how well I looked and happier (that's true – this ministry thing is, as I expected, challenging, yet I very much feel it's what I should be doing and it gives me energy in a way I didn't think it would, even when draining me!). A group of children who were there ran up to me to get me to dance. They haven't seen me for 6 months and, of all the adults there (and it was a mixed age range), they asked me. Must have made a good impression, then.

I hope God will be with them as I no longer am. I know he is and hope they know that too.

Preparing the ground for sowing

As part of my regular personal devotional time, I have been reading through Mark's gospel. Today, I was reading Mark 4:1-9 – the parable of the sower.

As someone training for ministry, I find this parable so reassuring, yet so daunting at the same time. Reassuring as it shows that it isn't all down to me. No matter how much I try to follow Christ, to preach and teach as God calls me to, to show God's love in all I say and do to all those I may minister to, people will reject the good news of the gospel. Or they will take it to heart, but as soon as something serious happens in their lives, they will abandon their new found faith. I am merely the sower and it depends on the ground the message falls on whether the message will go on to produce more grain, though some will and it will be very productive. So long as I focus on God in all I do, then the message I give will be productive one way or the other for God's kingdom.

It's daunting as it places responsibility on me to prepare the ground well. Having preached on this passage to a rural community last year, I was all too aware of the preparation which goes on before a field is sown. Even though farming is much more mechanised now than it was in Jesus day, preparation is still necessary and important for getting the best crop. So, why hadn't the ground been well prepared before the seed was sown? Just seems crazy to go to all the effort to save seed from last year's crop them sow it without preparation. In the context of the message of the gospel, this passage from Mark's gospel seems to be getting to that. So, it's important that I prepare the ground well. I may be walking with people for whom the church is a distant organisation, they don't really think that God is relevant in their lives. As I walk with them, I hope I am preparing the ground well rather than making it rocky or full of weeds, so if I or someone else eventuality sows the gospel, it has a chance to grow and be productive. Unfortunately, I know of many people who have had bad experiences of church and that has made them completely unreceptive to God's love and good news for them. I pray I never do that.

God's knowledge and our free-will

Pre-destination. How does that work? I firmly believe God has a plan for humanity, both collectively and individually. Exactly how that would work, I have no idea. Something I am increasingly inclined to believe is God will not give up until everyone can enter the kingdom of heaven (or can they already...depends on the theology of the death and resurrection of Jesus, but I'm not going to get into that just now).

I can't go with Calvin's idea that whether someone goes to heaven or hell is already determined, it cannot be seen from what they do and there is little that can be done to change their destiny. Doesn't give much room for free-will there. There's also not much insentive to turn a life around for the church nor individuals. If you're doomed, might as well enjoy your self. Actually, either way, might as well enjoy yourself, 'cos what difference will it make?

It's a hard concept getting your head around the ideal or pre-destination. Russell Stannard in "The God Experiment" had an analogy I liked. Imagine a security guard watching the TV screens for the various security cameras in a block of flats. He watches a woman come into the block, get into the life, push the floor button, get out and go to her flat. If he were to re-watch the video, he'd know exactly what the woman was going to do. She's exercised her free-will, but the security guard knows what's she's going to do before she does it.As God is, I believe, on one level out with time and space, that is possible.


Okay, so that gets free-will into the picture, but what about God using people, God acting in people's lives. Well, let me take Stannard's analogy and add to it. The security guard watches the woman enter the block of flats and head for the lifts. But the security guard needs the woman to use the stairs - someone's fallen say (work with me here). How does he make sure they woman expresses her free-will, but still goes/does what he needs her to do? The woman hits the call button for the lift - nothing. She tries again, nothing. Again, still, the lift won't come. So, the woman uses the stairs, finds the person who's fallen and gets them help. All because the lifts didn't seem to be working - perhaps the security guard did that...


Okay, so these are very basic ideas on how pre-destination and free-will can work together. They aren't written by a great theologian (well, they were written by me), but they are helping me work things out. Not so I have the answers, more that I keep looking for questions.

Into School

Yesterday, I visited one of the schools my supervisor is chaplain to. I generally observed the teacher giving the RME (religious and moral education - took me ages to work out what the M stood for!). I did have to explain a bit about the bible - especially the Old and New Testament. I think I did so reasonably well, as the children seemed satisfied with the answer (and were open to asking me questions; at least some of them). I suppose my experience of teaching young church and leading a youth club helped with this.

One child did ask something I didn't know why it had happened. And I did say so. Perhaps I should have phrased it a bit better - perhaps asked why they thought it might have happened, but I also think it's good to not think I do have all the answers. Definitely need to find the right balance with that.

Once the teacher had taught their section, I sat with and helped a small group of the children with the remainder of the lesson. As that was sort of a young church-sized group, with the class room assistant, it was fine. I hope they got the sense that I cared. As a representative of the church, I think that's really important that those who the church cannot reach in 'traditional' ways (i.e. them going to the church) see Christians as interested and concerned in their lives. And why do I think that? Because the children asked if I would be going to their Easter service. They'd only just met me too.

I'm looking forward to going again. A good, positive experiencece all round, I think. Definitely something I can, and will, build on.