Small group discussion

Eagleside is running a course, based on Matthew's gospel, on Monday nights. As part of the course, the participants are being broken into smaller groups to explore aspects of presentations and their reading of the gospel.

Although I am not "officially" a leader in the course, I have noticed people are looking for me for guidance and the knowledge I am perceived to have. I find that a little daunting, humbling and uplifting all at the same time. I know it is because I am a trainee minister and I, rather naively, didn't think that would happen so soon. All good experience and quite eye opening of people's perceptions of those in ministry, even trainees.

One thing that is coming to light, at least for me, is I'm maybe not as bad at this small group thing as I think I am. I'm engaging with the group, but not dominating it, while letting everyone have their say. If anything, I'm maybe holding back as I want others to give their views.

I do need to learn a couple of things, though. How to get the quieter members of the group to engage, without feeling under pressure to speak. Also, how to manage members of the group who may dominate it, which would have a knock on affect for the quieter members the most. I think I need a wee bit of advice and guidance on this one, as practice makes perfect and now is the time to learn. I suppose one of the problems here is there is no leader in the small group and I don't want to impose this if it's not necessary. Again, am I being naive and all groups, even small informal ones need some sort of leadership?

Pea and ham, fae a chicken?

Yesterday, I was accused of being too young to remember this advert:

I could have kissed the person. And it gave me an excuse to post the video of a cultural reference for Scots of a certain age!

Before the day breaks

Between night and day

As I walk to uni of a morning, I cut through one of the many parks in Edinburgh. When I first started, it was daylight, but now it's dark and as I walk, the city wakes up.

While I head through the park, I see people driving cars and riding bikes wheeling their way to work; runners getting their exercise before they start work; workmen (not being sexist, not seen any women yet!) taking deliveries of building materials. All as I walk to uni.

The thing I like most about walking through the park are the sights and sounds. The car engines, the bike chains whizzing and whirring. And, in among this noise, as it's still early and there isn't many people around, the sound of the swans and geese and crows and blackbirds all getting ready for the day. Getting ready to live day by day, to have enough to get by on and worry about tomorrow when tomorrow comes. To live like that, now that would be liberating. For if the birds are provided for, how much more are we?

Support networks

As part of my training, it's important I have support networks. Some have been formally put in place by 121. Others, are my friends and family. Guess which are more useful???

An offer of support, for me, is empty if it's not followed up by action when asked - and I don't ask for help maybe as often as I should. I have experienced this recently from a couple of these support networks. I eventually obtained the one thing I needed from on of these supports, but I am still waiting to be kept informed of what's going on by the other, despite repeatedly asking to be kept in the loop (a loop which revolves around, you've guessed it, facebook!).

Sorry this is a bit woolly, but it's necessary. I suppose it doesn't help I'm feeling a bit tired and could do without the various placement things I have to do this week. As a commenter said, there are time when in ministry I will feel like this and the challenge is to keep going.

I'll get a break from uni and placement at Christmas, though. At least the exams are before we break up. It'll fell weird not working over the Christmas holidays, as I have not done so for a very long time. What exactly do people do over Christmas and New Year that they can't do any other time of year? I need to find out so I know where to avoid!

Anyway, with God as my support, everything else is optional anyway.

Finding a balance

Between uni and placement, it could be very easy for me to not have time for the things I enjoy and to spend time with those who are important to me. With this in mind, I have made Saturdays sacrosanct. I feel, if I don't make sure I don't do training stuff that day, when do I have a day of rest? It's not like Sunday's really an option, as I am usually involved in some part of the worship.

Then, there's finding time to keep up with the housework. Boring, I know, but necessary. I'm not a housework fanatic, but like to do a little often. With the occasional half-hour here and hour there, that's when I try to squeeze those things in. One things for sure, ministry training certainly concentrates the mind in ensuring I use my time as effectively as possible. It's amazing how much can be done in half an hour if that's all the time I have!

Some weeks are easier than others. This week, I will be out 3 evenings and have placement commitments during the day in my day off uni. It probably won't go above my max 10 hours (in theory, though my supervisor does make sure I do stay within this), but it would be nice to actually see my husband. Looks like I'll be booking him in on Friday! How candidates with children cope, I have no idea.

In many ways, when things are scheduled is out of my hands; I am, after all, just the trainee minister. In ministry, I may have a little more say over when meetings are. And, if they are in the manse, I won't have to commute to them!

Despite the busyness, I know this is the right path for me and know if it was a free and easy ride I wouldn't really be learning anything, then I would land up completely unprepared for when I am on my own (God willing), in a parish with no one to fall back on.